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Monday edition - September 19, 2011
I had a horrible nightmare. My cat was sick and the only vet in town was Ron Paul, and I didn’t have my pet insurance card. - Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Osama Funny Maureen Dowd Column
Rick Perry, from the West Texas town of Paint Creek, is no John Wayne, even though he has a ton of executions notched on his belt. But he wears a pair of cowboy boots with the legend “Liberty” stitched on one. (As in freedom, not Valance.) He plays up the effete-versus-mesquite stereotypes in his second-grade textbook of a manifesto, “Fed Up!”
"A law
signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger will soon release thousands of female prisoners.
The man’s a genius. Soon thousands of women who haven’t been with a man for
years will be free and thinking they owe Arnold a favor." –Conan O'Brien Republican Shenanigans
"According to a new book, Sarah Palin slept with a black NBA player, Glen Rice,
a year before she got married. I think technically this makes her a Kardashian
sister. I think Sarah and Glen would make a great couple. He’d shoot 3-pointers.
She'd shoot everything else." –Jimmy Kimmel
Biting Her Tongue Might Help
Friday was a defining moment in election 2012 for the office of President of the United States of America. One of the top five major contenders ruled herself out. Rep. Michele Bachmann appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and defended her positions on gays, vaccines and other samplings of self-deceptions which thereby disqualify her as presidential material.
The GOP opposes every stance Obama takes. So maybe he’s trying to trick them by proposing the exact opposite of what he wants. Ever think of that?- Will Durst
Rock-The-Voter News
"Italy is asking China to help bail them out of their debt crisis. Doesn't that make you mad? Hey Italy, China is our sugar daddy." –Jay Leno
Business News
Financial Fisticuffed
Russian billionaire
Alexander Lebedev, owner of two leading British newspapers, punched a man in the
face during a television debate on the financial crisis to be aired on Sunday.
The University of Chicago is hosting an academic conference called “Jersey Shore Studies.” Meanwhile in Korea, students are learning something called “math.” - Jimmy Kimmel
I hope you had a good time today. Please help keep All Hat No Cattle online...every dollar helps.
Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312
Email me lisa@allhatnocattle.net
Odd News
An artist's concept illustrates Kepler-16b, the first planet known to definitively orbit two stars -- what's called a circumbinary planet. The planet, which can be seen in the foreground, was discovered by NASA's Kepler mission. Illustration/NASA
Peace.
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