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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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Monday edition - August 1, 2011





Rand Paul: 'I'd rather be a hobbit than a troll'

The “Lord of the Rings” metaphors crept into the debt-limit fight on Thursday, as tea-party heroes fired back at Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) who mocked members of the conservative grassroots movement as “tea-party hobbits.”

“I’d rather be a hobbit than a troll,” freshman Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) said on a conference call when asked by POLITICO about McCain’s remarks. “I think in reading the books, the hobbits were the heroes. They overcame great obstacles, and I think I’d rather be a hobbit than a troll.”

The Dark Side of Murdoch's Russian Billboard Business

Pieces of Rupert Murdoch's empire continue to fall away. Last month, as British police continued to investigate phone-hacking claims against the News of the World, the media magnate sold off his Russian billboard company, News Outdoor, for around $270 million, less than a fifth of the value it had three years ago.

Obama unfurls deal to avert US default
President Barack Obama announced an 11th-hour deal with Congress to avert an unprecedented default on US debt payments, which would have sown chaos across the global

Obama should be a shoe in with the likes of the crazy Republicans today. But who thought George W. Bush would get re-elected in 2004?




According to a poll, 77 percent of Americans blame Republican leaders for the coming default and 58 percent blame President Obama. There’s the problem: That makes 135 percent. How can we solve the debt if we can’t add up the poll numbers? - Jay Leno



Hollywood police used “non-lethal bean bags” to control a crowd that was rioting. Is there such a thing as lethal bean bags? - Jimmy Kimmel

Republican Shenanigans


The government is just a few days from running out of money to pay their bills. The latest plan is to see how much cash they can get for John McCain on “Antiques Roadshow.” - Conan



If Sarah Palin becomes president George Lopez says he'll deport himself



Sarah Palin hasn't announced that she is running for president, but if the former Alaska governor does throw her hat in the ring, and happens to win, late-night talk show host George Lopez says he will bid adios to the U.S.

Lopez, the hugely successful Mexican-American comedian, told CNN's Piers Morgan that he would leave the U.S. if the hockey mom became the next commander-in-chief, but he won't head south of the border. Lopez said that he would head to the Great White North.

"If Sarah Palin becomes president at any point, I would say 'allegedly,' I will move to Canada," Lopez said.


Don’t give up. There are too many nay-sayers out there who will try to discourage you. Don’t listen to them. The only one who can make you give up is yourself. – Sidney Sheldon




Rock-The-Voter News


"NASA held a career fair this week to help former employees find new jobs now that the shuttle program is over. Which explains that guy at the drive-thru that was like, 'One small fry for man, one giant Coke for his Big Mac.'" –Jimmy Fallon






The Dick Will Reemerge From His Coffin on 9/11



The upcoming 10th anniversary of 9/11 will set off a spate of programming reflecting on the tragedy. A newly announced two-hour special from Smithsonian Channel, "9/11: Day that Changed the world," aims to put a new spin on the subgenre. In it, the channel said Tuesday, the story of the historic day will be told from the point of view of insiders and those in power.

Among those interviewed are then-First Lady Laura Bush, former Vice President Dick Cheney, former Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and former White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card. Also included will be then-New York Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani


Business News




It Is About Frigging Time...OR...How To Drive The Right Wing Crazy



Health insurance plans must cover birth control as preventive care for women, with no copays, the Obama administration said Monday in a decision with far-reaching implications for health care as well as social mores.



A man from the Netherlands plans to take a picture of all 194 world capitals over the next five years. Then when that’s over, his friends will tell him about Google Earth. - Jimmy Fallon




When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. -Franklin D. Roosevelt




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Odd News





To ease the psychological burdens of imprisonment, the planners at Halden spent roughly $1 million on paintings, photography and light installations. According to a prison informational pamphlet, this mural by Norwegian graffiti artist Dolk "brings a touch of humor to a rather controlled space." Officials hope the art — along with creative outlets like drawing classes and wood workshops — will give inmates "a sense of being taken seriously." Photo taken 2010. Credit: Trond Isaksen / Statsbygg


Peace and hope.


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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, Guide to Political Humor.







Daily Frontpage   Archives     You might be a right wing Republican if..What Liberal Media?   Republican Presidential Quotations   Bush-Cheney Political Contributions   Cream of the Crop Links  T-Shirts, Mugs and More    Please donate so I can put food on my family  Subscribe to AHNC About AHNC   Advertise on All Hat No Cattle  Contact me  Copyright Notice

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