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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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Wednesday edition - May 18, 2011



 Schwarzenegger admits lovechild triggered split

Film star turned politician Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to fathering a lovechild with a staff member which he kept secret for a decade, until its disclosure torpedoed his marriage.

Shriver: It's a 'painful and heartbreaking time'

.. Shriver also released a statement: "This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal. I will have no further comment.".

Gingrich campaign fights for its life

Even his supporters predicted Newt Gingrich’s mouth might knock him out of the presidential race.
But no one thought it would happen before his first real campaign trip to Iowa.


With all the infidelity in politics these days we should just make it a prerequisite to be a whore dog to hold political office. If we had done that years ago, just think of the millions we would have saved not having to impeach President Clinton for not having sex with that woman.



"In a new interview, President Obama said that killing Osama bin Laden does not secure his 2012 re-election. Yeah, that's been taken care of by the current field of Republicans." –Jimmy Fallon




Newt Gingrich Issues ‘The Contract on Himself’
By Don Davis


Gay rights protester dumps glitter on Newt Gingrich


"Feel the rainbow, Newt," the protestor said, as he poured a box of glitter over the former speaker's head. "Stop the hate. Stop anti-gay politics. It's dividing our country, and it's not fixing our economy."






The Hummer: Soothing The Son of the Governator



The hunky son of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t seem as surprised as the rest of us that his parents are separating after 25 years of marriage.

Patrick Schwarzenegger (or Patrick Shriver, as he goes by on Twitter) spoke out on Twitter about the end of his parents' marriage:

"Appreciate all your messages. Small speed bump in life, luckily we own hummers, we will cruise right over it. All will be okay. #peace."

Nothing like a gas guzzling SUV to make you feel better!


"Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters — all of whom are late night comedians." –Conan O'Brien


Republican Shenanigans



More Comedic Fodder! yaya!


Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign is "beyond speculation," a Republican consultant tells Fox News' Chris Stirewalt. "They are doing this." The Minnesota congresswoman's advisers are telling reporters that it's "very likely" she'll jump in the race now that the lineup is starting to shake out. With evangelical favorite Mike Huckabee dropping out, Newt Gingrich in freefall practically minutes into his campaign, and Sarah Palin looking like she won't run, only Rick Santorum stands between Bachmann and the social conservative vote.


"Both Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump have announced they will not run for president. Huckabee's announcement opens the door for Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum, and Trump's announcement opens the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey." –Conan O'Brien




Newt Already Needs A Reboot

Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign is imploding with breathtaking speed. So he’s earned himself yet another limerick:

Newt Already Needs A Reboot
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Newt, you’ve imploded too fast.
And I fear that I’m rather aghast.
Cuz a drawn out campaign
Would sure entertain.
But you’ve screwed up too quickly to last.


"President Obama invited a rapper to the White House on Wednesday. The right-wing feigned outrage machine is apoplectic that the rapper Common was invited to an evening poetry, or as they call it, black-on-black rhyme. Sarah Palin tweeted one of her brain farts. She said, 'Inviting Common to the White House lacked class and decency,' and that's why her children are only allowed to make babies while listening to country music." –Bill Maher




"The United States has hit the debt ceiling. Do you know what that means? Neither do I. I do think it would be wise for all of us to learn to speak Chinese." –David Letterman


Oily Mess Remains


Democrats didn’t expect to win a vote to end subsidies to oil companies. But as Michael Tomasky explains, the loss exposes how vulnerable they are to Republican budget psychosis.

Last night the Senate refused to end $2 billion worth of subsidies to oil companies. These companies are poised, according to the bill’s chief sponsor, Democrat Robert Menendez of New Jersey, to make $144 billion in profits this year. It was never a bill that had a chance of getting the 60 votes needed to cut off debate (it fell eight votes short). Aside from that, the House of Representatives never would have passed it. And aside from that, it was likely unconstitutional because bills that raise revenue must originate in the House.



Business News



Our creditors include the Chinese government, the Japanese government, and a guy named Vinnie the Fist. - Craig Ferguson




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Now That's Optimism!



Thank you Bruce! Wow!

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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, Guide to Political Humor.







Daily Frontpage   Archives     You might be a right wing Republican if..What Liberal Media?   Republican Presidential Quotations   Bush-Cheney Political Contributions   Cream of the Crop Links  T-Shirts, Mugs and More    Please donate so I can put food on my family  Subscribe to AHNC About AHNC   Advertise on All Hat No Cattle  Contact me  Copyright Notice

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