New editions as often as possible - Online since 2000
Daily Frontpage~ Archives~ You might be a right wing Republican if...~ What Liberal media?~ Republican Presidential Quotations~ Bush-Cheney Political Contributions~ Cream of the Crop Links~ T-Shirts, Mugs and More~! Please donate so I can put food on my family~ Subscribe to AHNC~ About AHNC~ Advertise on All Hat No Cattle~ Contact me and/or make a comment or tip Copyright Notice
pro-life, pro-death penalty, and pro-war, as long as it
...you think "The Death of Outrage" by the former secretary of
......you are also addicted to hillbilly heroin
...you think an AWOL national guardsman alfred e. neuman look-a-like
...You actually believe ANYTHING Rummy says........
...if you believe that if you just work hard enough that someday you
...you think being born in Connecticut and moving to Texas make you a
...If you have no problem with our bombs finding Afghanistan or Iraq
...If you believe that the 700 Club is the only reliable news program
...you think that reading and investing in knowledge, as well as
...You think labor unions are a communist plot.
...if you think it is unpatriotic and un-American to raise legitimate questions
about Bush's foreign policy and Iraq strategy while we have young men and women
in harm's way in Iraq, yet that same concern for patriotism was curiously absent
when you blasted Bill Clinton WHILE WE HAD YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN IN HARM'S WAY IN
...You right an op-ed piece in a newspaper attacking Clinton's nominee
...When Democrats running for president attack President Bush, you
...You seem to think that there is a "liberal media", yet you
here for a firstname.lastname@example.org
...you believe that the spread of AIDS can be stopped by pulling
...you are convinced that greed has gotten a bad rap. Eric M
...you say that government can do nothing good while you reap the
...you point to Sean Hannity and say, "See, Jesus can cure
...the only person of Asian heritage you know is your gardener, the
...the idea of living in a police state doesn't bother you all that
...the 'magic bullet' theory concocted by Arlen Spector, while he
......you pronounce nuclear as NEW-kyuh-luhr.
...you think any one motivated in their profession by something other
...you really believe that Bush the First's nomination of Clarence
...You think that "we" are the only country that has "true freedom".
...You'd rather make money than breathe
...If you think African-Americans should stop whining because forty
...If you think that Clarence Thomas and Condoleezza Rice are the
......you think Jesus actually spoke in Old English.
...you think that the women's movement started in the '60s, unaware that such
activists as Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton were fighting for
women's rights back in the latter half of the 19th Century.
...you think that any woman who has the temerity to think they should
...you think corporate profits are more important than breathable air, potable
water, and a diverse ecosystem. Eric M
...you think anything bush says is the gospel and any criticism is the work of
the lying liberals.
...you won't watch the lerher report on pbs because it's not as
...just so long as your investment portfolio is doing well, it doesn't matter to
you that 3,000,000+ Americans have lost their jobs under Dubya's watch. (Many of
which will never return, as employers 'outsource' jobs to places like India,
China, and Russia where they can pay employees chicken feed as opposed to the
living wage Americans expect and
...when you see a homeless person, a panhandler, or a destitute 'bag lady' who
is pushing her shopping cart full of her meager belongings down the street, you
use your cell phone to call the police. Eric M
...If you Fart or Belch and say, That fer you Hilary
...Ann Coulter gives you a "woody".
...you buy the BS that shrub says about why our troops are being
...you believe a billion a week in Iraq is making us safer even though high
school kids can still get box cutters onto airplanes
...you possess millions in unexplainable, unindictable, and now
......you're proud that Mr. Bush has implemented the toughest
...You tell everyone how much you believe in free enterprise based on
...you think that Sandra Day O'Connor is just too darned liberal!
...You refuse to use any product that has directions that say it
..You've never read the constitution, but feel you know exactly what
...you're convinced that anyone who complains about the loss of
...you blame all the economic problems the nation faces on F.D.R. and
...you wonder what's so wrong about being 'All Hat, No Cattle'. Eric
...you are an under-achieving drunk who is feeble enough to fail at
......you think that the EU is a communist power.
......you believe that Sweden is a communist country.
...your I.Q goes up after you get a lobotomy.
...you'd rather hug a smokestack than hug a tree.
...You believe God is on your side.
...you're so anal retentive, you were born potty trained! Eric M
...you think George III got a raw deal.
...you believe it was the Iraqi's and not the Saudi's who attacked us
...you think signing 152 death warrants is something Jesus would have
...you think it was okay to allow that plane load of Saudi's out of
...you listed Harvard as your second choice after Bob Jones University
...you can't understand how anyone would ever want to visit Paris
...Dead set against socialism, but have no fear of the insanely bland,
...the idea of Ahhnold as governor of California doesn't make you want
...You say we live in a free country but suggest anyone who criticizes
...you consider Sean Hannity one of the great intellects of the 21st
...you can reconcile the fact that Iraqi schools are being rebuilt
...you think Dick Cheney actually gives a damn about anyone else but
...you consider members of NOW a bunch of uppity dykes but see Ann
...you believe Rush Limbaugh when he characterizes the military
...you don't realize that Bob Jones University can be called ---- BJU
...if you think the media is "liberal."
...You're pro-life AND pro-death penalty - Nat- (aka Scepter )
...you got upset about the low payments families of 9/11 victims
...you believe there is anything patriotic about the PATRIOT act.
...you think that Tom Ridge is qualified to run the Dept. of 'Homeland Security', despite his single digit I.Q.
installed in Iraqi post offices is a sound financial
...you believe it was the Iraqis and not the Saudis who attacked us
...It does lift your mood thinking of Uday and Qusay's bullet mangled
...you think signing 152 death warrants is something Jesus would have
...you think it was okay to allow that plane load of Saudi's out of
...you listed Harvard as your second choice after Bob Jones University.
...you can't understand how anyone would ever want to visit Paris.
...You think Dubya fought in the revolutionary war.
...You don't see a connection between mental institutions' releasing
... people count their fingers after shaking hands with you. Rod Talley
...you claim to be a Patriot but can't identify any constitutional
...you think that the GOP was started by Thomas Jefferson....
...It's snowing in December; it must be Clinton's fault
...you think it's great all the "ragheads" you wanted to bomb after 911 are liberated!
......you think you will go to hell if you vote Democrat because of
....Between choosing to send your kids to school or to war, you
...If you think the proposed museum to mock Bill Clinton is a great
...you believe J.C. Watts left Congress to spend more time with his
...if you believe Joe Scarborough left Congress to spend more time with his family. -Lisa
...You think of Colin Powell as a "good" Negro I mean African-American
...you believe Condoleeza Rice has any input in National Security, if
...you believe bush was trying to fly back to D.C. on Sept. 11th
...you truly believe that the current GOP is the party of Lincoln
...you really believe that God can only see you as other people do,
...you believe that Slavery ended?!
...you hear George W. Bush's voice and get an erection
...you hear Ann Coulter's voice and you get an erection
...you believe that Clarence Thomas and Ward Connerly are Black,
...you only have sex with your wife when a republikkkan wins -SSG M.
...you think Rita "Petunia Pig" Crosby from Faux is hot. -SSG M.
...you avoided military service but refer to the military as "our"
...your name has Dubya in the middle and you choke on pretzels in
...You believe in affirmative action for the privileged, but if it's
...You think Bush is the most eloquent president we've ever had
...You think Al Gore is a radical
...You think any protection of workers is the work of commies
...You think that a repeat of those handy WWII internment camps will take care of all the terrorists (foreigners) before they even THINK of doing anything
...You whine about welfare mothers but count on major subsidies, tax breaks, etc. for your own corporation and still refuse to pay any more than minimum wage
...You whine about the "liberal media" but have had no trouble getting your screed published and are making major $$$
...you believe that Timothy
...you just don't understand why "The Simpsons" is so popular.
......your hands are silky smooth and you've never had a blister.
......you see no reason to shower more than once a week.
...you actually believe Jesus Christ would support capital gains
...you only have sex with the lights off, and your socks on....and
...you thought it was a damn, dirty shame what happened to poor Bob Livingston.
...you can listen to Tom Delay for more than 2 minutes without
... you really believe the framers intended for you to own a
...you'd prefer that a woman give birth to an ancephalic baby than
...you find the FOX News Channel to be "fair and balanced."
...You believe that Pat Robertson is a good, honest man even though he prayed for the DEATH of three Supreme court judges...
...You think WWII started in 1941
...You desert your post in the armed services during a time of war
...The federal government should stay out of states' rights -- unless
...you honestly think that the fact that Dubya's lie about the
"...God Bless America...first, and then Houston...Amen."
...If, like our president and his handlers, you choose policy
...you think Thomas Jefferson was a commie for suggesting dissent
...you're proud that Mr. Bush has implemented the toughest
...if you support invading countries that you have never even heard
...you have no problem with the title of Bill Bennett's new book
...you support GW's plan to funnel tax dollars to faith-based
...you think that the republican mascot was modeled after you...
...You can't spell school, but you think that dems should quit
...you think that everyone that isn't a white christian straight male
...Glue is your intellectual equal
...You believe that the presidency belongs to "whoever called it"
...you see no connection between the high approval rating and the mass deployment of troops...
...you have a copy of the bible that says that Jesus was a white
...you voted for Dubya because his nickname was easy to spell
...you think anyone who suggests our foreign policies for the last 50
...If you believe there were Dixie Chicks CD burning events because
...don't understand that waving the flag, supporting your leaders, and questioning the patriotism of anyone who questions the government would have made you a fine citizen of Iraq, Nazi Germany, and Soviet Russia too
...Live in the rural Midwest, where every farm and small town has been decimated, and still vote republican cause people like Reagan, George W, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, and Dick Armey have your "real" concerns in mind
...You don't make the connection between Enron, Worldcom, the fact
...You physically and verbally attack a fellow citizen who fails to
...You believe the doctrine of Pre-emptive war against a country that
...You watch Fox news and consider yourself informed, yet consider
...You think Sean Penn, the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen and all those
...you defend the very rich while you live in a trailer. - Sierra
...you're against abortion rights AND welfare for those children born
...you claim that people on the left wing are communists,but you are
...you would spend $2,000 to eat a hot dog at a fundraiser.
...if you believe that "W" was protecting Nebraska on 9/11 or that he
...if your only source of information is "Faux News".
...while other children were playing with Lincoln Logs, board games,
...the one thing that stands between you and poverty is your trust
...you're over 30 years old and still have to get your mother's
...Your favorite erotic literature is the quarterly treasury interest
...you don't support sex outside of marriage since you're married, and
...You declare that any ordinary American can make it to top
.....you would rather have sex with Sandra Day O'Connor than Sandra
...If hearing Bill Clinton's name raised during every debate over
...you believe God Guns and Guts is either moral, logical or literate. -anonymous
......you use Jesus and guns in the same sentence.
...your solution for everything are tax cuts - aaron
...you think the fact that under Dubya's rule we now have fewer jobs, a shaky economy, and a multi-billion-dollar deficit--rather than the expanding economy, low unemployment and multi-billion-dollar surplus we had when Clinton left office--is still somehow Clinton's fault.
...you think other people should have fewer children but you won't allow sex education in schools because those horny teenagers might get ideas. by Syd
...you really think creationism is a science, Darwin was the devil, and all those million-year-old fossils were put into the geologic substrate by a God with a warped sense of humor strictly to pinpoint the godless and make them easier to send to hell. by Syd
...you'd rather build prisons than schools. by Syd
...you think for a second your money makes you a better person.
...you own a chocolate company that has "temp" workers that have been there for 10 years with no benefits or paid time off.
...you write a book called "the book of virtues" and then blow $8M in gambling over the course of 10+ years
...that sleeping with your first cousin is alright but god forbid two people of the same gender try and build a life together.
...if you think Choice Point should come and re-invent the voting process in your state, too.
...if for a second you think we "won" in iraq when all we really won was the ire of the iraqi people and the european union voting to slap sky-high tariffs on all american imports in retaliation for our "just war of liberation."
...you think "children are our most precious gift" and then think it's ok to bomb the sh*t out of a country where 50% of the population is under the age of 15
...you think that having a few thousand dollars in an employer sponsored 401(k) makes you part of the "investor class"
...you scream at women that life is sacred and abortion is not a choice but never have gone and adopted at least a 6-pack of the "special needs" and unwanted children yourself
...you can't wait for President Jeb Bush in 2008.
...you've never looked up the definition of 'liberal', but you know it's gotta have something to do with commies..
...you call yourself "pro-life" when all you really care about is the birth.
Then the poor schlub is on his/her own 'cause "I've given you the chance."
...you are convinced that quiche is part of a French conspiracy to deplete good red-blooded Americans of their 'precious bodily fluids'. Eric M
...the fact that your parents only owned one house and one car, in your mind, qualifies you as an expert on growing up underprivileged. Eric M
...You think that 9/11 changed the world
...you think Rick Santorum is getting a bum rap for his homophobic comments.
...you KNOW that god's on your side.
...you love to tell everyone else what to do, as long as you can do what you
...you learned that lobotomies don't hurt after all !
...you stopped thinking years ago.
...you recently sent a letter to Dubya suggesting that the next target in the
...you have ever offered to donate a gas chamber to a homeless shelter.
...your i.q. is the same as your tax bracket. Eric M
...you think that we should nuke North Korea back into the stone age.
...you think Bill O'Reilly's Fox News show really is a 'no spin zone'.
...the Nevada state Gaming Commission sends you a birthday card and fruit
...your bookie has you on speed dial.
...you believe that Dick Cheney "EARNS" $31million/year with absolutely no
conflict of interest! (this is from a true, living conversation w/ a RW Repub.)
...you really believe that all the millionaire brothers & sisters in the
...you think that "global warming" means that the rest of the world is starting
to "warm up" to Dubya!
...you really believe that George is running this country and do not know who Cheney, Rumsfield, Rove and Ashcroft are.
.....You think the people have forgotten the first person to die in the
..you think you're middle class but you're really just upper white trash
...you claim to be a virtuous Catholic and disregard the Pope on the death
...you secretly wish that poor and disabled people who cannot afford
...you still believe President Clinton should have resigned from office and
...you have no sympathy for anyone who didn't have the good sense to be born
into a rich, politically influential family. Eric M
...You think the Catholic church is too liberal.
...you just can't seem to hear the sound of a wounded, hungry, lonely child
...you think that self-styled "morality czar" Bill Bennett is being unfairly
...You own an autographed photo of Rick Santorum.
...It takes you up to five times as long to drive anywhere, because you refuse to go left, even when driving!
...you can't quite see just how hypocritical it is for the U.S. to brag about
...you think that Christian faith will fix anything that can't be fixed by the
...you believe "supporting our troops" means cheerleading the war in Iraq while
turning a blind eye to Bush's tax plan which will cut nearly 15 billion dollars
in Revenue from the VA over a ten year period- Michael Atwood email:
...you value your freedom of speech, but think that anyone else who disagrees with you should keep their mouths shut.
...you still wonder about that Tinky-Winky Teletubbie character!
...you wonder why we need all them artsy-fartsy artifacts from Iraqi
...you believe that Oliver North deserves the Medal of Honor for helping the
...you think the term "freedom fries" is a real zinger
...when you saw Tiger Woods standing on the golf course for the first time on
TV, you automatically assumed he was the caddie.
...You are pro life and pro capital punishment at the same time
...catch-phrases such as "shock & awe", collateral damage", "targets of
...you believe that, come Judgment Day, when we're all waiting to see if we'll be allowed into Heaven, good ol' Dubya is gonna be immediately shown through the Pearly Gates - those poseurs Mother Teresa and the Pope are just gonna have to wait their turn in line
...you believe Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward should have been hanged for their treasonous acts against the the Republican Party... I mean... against the country
...You think Madonna is a whore, but you can't take your eyes off Ann
...You hate all those Frenchies..except LePen!
...you refuse to acknowledge that the media does not tell you what to
...you think Lesbians shouldn't be able to pro-create but you wouldn't let them
get an abortion either.
...you think the U.S. REALLY wants a democratic society (one man - one vote) in Iraq. 60% of Iraq is Shiite. So Bush wants the Shiites in charge? I don't think so...
...You don't have a library card, don't have a computer, don't take a newspaper but never miss Fox news.
...you refer to the Holy Trinity as Bush, Cheney, and Ashcroft and you refer
...the thought of a poor black woman having a baby makes you physically ill.
...You are waiting for the supreme court to give you permission to pray .
...you can't figure out why people laughed so much at Archie Bunker.
...you honestly think that Saudi Arabia, Syria, Iran, Jordan, and all the other Arab nations really want Iraq to have a democratic government, even though none of them have one. Eric M
...you hold strong opinions of things you don't understand .
...You not only pick on little countries with little military power, but also
......you think former Enron and Worldcom executives should be appointed to the SEC.
...You believe if it weren't for the U.S. the French would be speaking German,
without realizing that if it weren't for the French we'd all be speaking
...you have silver in your hair, gold in your teeth, and lead in your pants!
...you make a special trip to the hardware store each month to buy
...you just can't understand why your employees feel they need to have the minimum wage raised, when you give them a free cup of coffee each morning!
...you made your fortune the old fashioned way, you inherited it!
...as far as you're concerned, the last immigrants who should have been allowed into the country came over on the Mayflower.
...you think that Iran is an Arab country.
...if you think that 'oxymoron' is a new brand of acne treatment.
...the fact that U.S. armed forces were ordered to secure the Iraqi oil
...you pick who to vote for by how much their election will benefit your
...you are convinced that greed is a moral imperative. Eric M
...Dubya and his handlers have you convinced that their dividend tax cut, which benefits people making $200,000.00 a year and up most, will somehow benefit people who hold minimum wage jobs. Eric M
...you have a 'Be American, buy American!' bumper-sticker on your BMW. Eric M
...your favorite verse from the Bible is 'those that do not work, do not eat'.
...you are convinced that Dubya won the 2000 Presidential Election fair and
...you hope and pray that Sandra Day O'Connor will leave the Supreme Court soon so that Dubya can add another 'right thinking' justice to the court. Eric M
...you believe that the NRA is defending the Constitution and not the ACLU
...you feel that the Supreme Court upholding liberal legislation is improper
judicial activism, but when the Supreme Court upholds right-wing legislation, it
is just doing its job. Eric M
...them 'lefty liberal Hollywood types' don't have the right to criticize
...as a Conservative Christian, you wonder why so many people keep calling the son of God "Jesus". you felt sure he was named "Rush L."
...you think there are enough $5million per year jobs out there for everyone to
have one, if they'd only work hard enough.
...You think tying a yellow ribbon is patriotic, forgetting that the original
...you firmly believe the N.R.A. bromide "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.", but can't quite see how this also might apply to drugs.
...you believe Saddam poses the same level of threat to the World today, with
his outdated and demoralized army, that Nazi Germany did back in the 1930s and
1940s with its well equipped and well led armed forces.
...you think you are defeating...rather than causing more terrorism and hatred all over this planet..
...you listen to Rush Limbaugh in order to figure out what you're supposed to
...you despise, hate and fear 'freedom of speech' that does not echo the views of the powers that are now in control.
...you regularly write letters to the U.S. mint demanding that they take F.D.R. off of the dime and replace him with Senator Joseph McCarthy.
...you think that since 'our boys' have defeated Sad. H, that we own the
...you honestly think the U.S. defeated Nazi Germany virtually single-handed in
World War II. (Ignoring the fact that 3/4 of the military might of the Wehrmacht
was sent against the U.S.S.R. from the start of Operation Barbarossa until the
end of the war.
...you think 'punishing' Canada in trade matters or at border crossings, you
will still get the 94% of natural gas, and all the other resources you are
...when you watch a baseball or hockey game where one team is Canadian, you get upset that they play that other anthem after ours!
...you save all the pennies you get, 'cause your sure that copper prices are going to go through the roof one of these days! (Not realizing that pennies minted now contain only a small amount of copper, and are made mostly of an inexpensive alloy.) Eric M
...the aggregate I.Q. of the brain-trust you hang out with is below the
......the misuse of the word 'compassion' is nothing compared to the past
......you believe Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA," is our country's
...you think those who see this war as immoral are against our troops, rather than against the illegal decision to invade...
...when you hear about starving Iraqis on the news due to the U.N. sanctions, you think 'Let them eat oil!'
...the government subsidizing and financial assistance to the poor, disabled,
and elderly is abhorrent to you, but having the government subsidize
multi-million and billion dollar corporations is just fine with you!
...you think its fair for the DOD to deduct the disability payments disabled
vets receive from their pension payments, when no other Federal employees are
hit with this penalty, the worst risk most of them ever faced at work was a
...you think that rich people are an oppressed minority.
...you don't seem to realize that the only reason Dubya may have cried each time
Texas executed someone during his tenure as Governor is because he didn't have
the privilege of pulling the switch himself.
...in the face of crime statistics that show that only 5% of the violent crimes
in this country are committed by people with mental illness, you firmly believe
that most mentally ill people should be locked up and the key thrown away.
...you can't see the resemblance between Dubya and Howdy Doody.
...Amos 'n Andy was one of your favorite tv shows, and you just can't
...a charity asking you for $22.00 a month to keep a child in a third world
...you are convinced that the Bill of Rights is was cooked up by lefty, commie, pinkos, and should be repealed for the good of the country.
...all the books about American history you have ever read were written by Lilly White and her son, Whitey Backlash.
...you oppose universal health care. In your way of thinking, people who can't afford adequate health insurance are just sh*t out of luck!
...you think Dubya's 'economic stimulus package', whick will mainly help his
..flag burning, to your way of thinking, should be a capitol offense.
...your favorite phrase with reference to minority groups is, "Some of my best
friends are . . .", but they aren't, really.
...you think Ebenezer Scrooge was a spineless sellout.
...when Halloween rolls around, you turn out all the lights in your house and
hide in the basement. You won't support begging of any kind!
...when approached by a panhandler, tell them to "get a job!", but wouldn't
dream of giving someone like that a job at your company!
...when you see an African-American, even an elderly one, coming towards you, you cross the street, just to be safe.
...you get more upset if your local liquor store runs out of your brand of beer
than if some poor slobs who can't find work in a lousy economy have their
unemployment benefits run out.
...you sip brandy and smoke expensive, imported cigars with your cronies at your
favorite cigar bar, but oppose the opening of liquor stores in your neighborhood
and think smoking cigarettes should be banned everywhere.
...the last time you went out to eat with your friends and picked up the check, Eisenhower was president.
...the local branch of the John Birch Society banned you from their meetings because you are too reactionary for their tastes.
...the F.B.I. has told you to stop writing love letters to Bob and/or Elizabeth
...Sandra Day O'Connor is your love goddess.
...Geraldo Rivera giving away information on the location and movements of U.S. troops in a combat situation doesn't bother you, after all he works for Fox News, and they can do no wrong!
...you are still convinced that Enron will be making a comeback any day now.
...you make more dollars than sense.
...you still carry a grudge about what happened to that nice, young Senator Joseph McCarthy
...when you see a liberal protestor being beaten up by a policeman, you become
...the painting 'Dogs Playing Poker' is your idea of truly great art!
...being a 'ditto-head' is your proudest achievement in life.
...you would just as soon shave your head and join the Hare Krishnas, then go to a fine arts museum.
...listening to talk radio keeps you 'informed'. Eric M
...Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and the Fox and Friends gang have all
...Strom Thurmond sends you a birthday card every year.
...you wrote and published a book of poetry entitled 'The Joys of Supply-Side Economics'.
...you would send more hate-mail to those stinking, commie, pinko, unpatriotic,
liberal Congressman, but it takes so long to get one out typing with one finger.
...the less you know about a subject, the stronger your opinions are concerning
...to you, having an unqualified Republican in the White House is better than
having a qualified Democrat there.
...you have the best PC money can buy, but don't have a clue as to what to do with it once you turn it on.
...when Ronald Reagan testified that he didn't recall being told about the
...you get props for your "consistent" policy from your friends, but you
...you think that if Canada doesn't say "How high?" on the way up when the US
says "Jump!", the US is perfectly justified in squashing Canada like a bug.
...you really think that the US military "defends" Canada (and Mexico) from
… you fail to see the hypocrisy of ignoring the U.N. to show Saddam you do
...you think supply side makes sense, because side dishes are your favorite.
...you believe FOX News is actually 'Fair and Balanced Reporting'.
...abortion is murder, but the bombing of children is collateral damage.
...you protect your freedoms by taking freedoms away from everyone else.
...You ramble on and on about those who fought and died for our freedoms, then turn a blind eye to those who fought and lived.
Brian in Knoxville
...You can't see the sick irony in using weapons of mass destruction to attack a
country that you suspect has weapons of mass destruction
...you believe that anyone who talks of peace is either a communist or is
...you blather that US troops in Iraq are "fighting for our freedoms" and in the same breath say that those anti-American protesters oughta be all shipped to concentration camps or into Iraq where they can be "turned into mist by our boys over there". - http://involution.org/rattler
...you're open-minded enough to try to find humor in the stuff on this page but
just don't see it, try as you may. :D
...your Dubya ass-kissing neighborhood rallies when Dubya liberates the poor suffering people of Iraq, but has a hissy fit when the first family of those towel heads move into YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!!!!
... you make education your "number one priority" and then list it THIRD on
......you believe 49% of the popular vote constitutes a mandate from the people
......you've done as you're told and completely forgotten about Bin Laden, whose
capture we were promised by the President was supposed to be "our number one
priority" ( quoted Sept 2001) now doesn't really matter and (according to the
president again) that Bin Laden is "NOT a priority" (quoted January 2003).
.....you really think there's a link between Hussein and Bin Laden, when
......you think it makes sense that we spent 50 million dollars to discover
...your favorite exercise is dressing in a white sheet and scaring the new
......you have one of those Charlton Heston is my other president bumper
...you have been unemployed for a year or more and still continue to blame
Clinton for your plight while singing the praises of an administration that
hardly gives a s**t about you!
...you firmly believe that the phrases, "right to life" and "right to own guns"
...you consider anyone who makes less than $100,000.00 a year to be dirt poor.
...If you now use the phrase "mother of all bombs" to refer to a particular
I bet that's how shrub feels.
...you think tax cuts for the rich are going to help this economy
...You believe that the country club serving you red, white and blue cupcakes is a masterful stroke of patriotism.
...you agree in principal that the U.S. should seek energy self sufficiency,
...you think the robber-barons of the late 19th Century were just
...you think the president should be chosen by the supreme court from now on.
That darned democratic process is just too darned messy! Eric M
...you think "The Green Berets" is the best movie ever made.
...you think more spending for more jails is the answer to less spending for social programs
...you believe in the sanctity of life from the moment of conception right up to
the moment of birth. rambler american
...you enjoy sending sons and daughters of the less fortunate into battle for your own personal political gain
...you call the media liberal and then can't name one person fitting in that
...you think that trimming the proposed tax cut in half actually qualifies as a tax increase.
...patriotism means love for your government, not love for your country. Leslie
...you hold Rush Limbaugh, Savage, Hannity, O'Reilly, and Coulter on the same level as Billy Graham, Pat Buchanan and the believuhs at TBN
...you don't think we need allies, just as long as we can scare the
...you don't think it actually matters if we find any weapons of mass
...you think all these retired military types who have been out of the 'loop' for years and years that the TV networks have dredged up actually know what they're talking about.
...you think Peter Arnett is a back-stabbing traitor and should be hanged for
...you support the repeal of the dividend tax but oppose raising the minimum
wage to a living wage.
...the only Democrat you are impressed with is John C. Calhoun.
...you think that 'public assistance' should consist of giving the poor,
...you think sending one billion of dollars to Turkey, when many States are having to cut essential services to the disabled and elderly due to revenue shortfalls, is a real good idea.
...you honestly feel that changing the name 'French fries' to 'Freedom fries'
will really teach those back-stabbing Frenchies a lesson!
...you think that France, Germany, Russia, and Turkey have a lot of nerve thinking they can go around having their own foreign policies separate from ours!
...You can use the phrase "compassionate conservative" with a straight face
while threatening reporters into not filming the thousands of innocent Iraqi
...You think that war could have been avoided if only Saddam had started a
money-grubbing oil company like any normal dictator.
...Your "Leave No Child Behind" does not include the thousands of economically
deprived American minority member children even now being sent off to die so you
only have to pay 40 cents to the gallon.
...You think George W. and Dumbo don't look alike
...you think the only thing standing between you & fabulous wealth with Paradise
on Earth is giving the richest people in the country all their tax money back,
letting endangered species die, dangerous or untrustworthy industries "regulate"
themselves, making high-paid doctors & HMO's immune from lawsuits when they f*ck
up or deny somebody treatment, and beating the hell out of anybody who has the
gall to ask to be treated like a real human being even if they can't afford to
give thousands of dollars to your campaign.
Well stated. Are you Paul Begala?
...you eat babies....... (OK, it's an exaggeration, but it's the most succinct & over-the-top way I could think of for showing how f*cked up the Republican Guard in DC really is)
...your favorite insults include "Professor", "intellectual", or "peace-monger".
...your attention span shuts off after anything more than a 6-second soundbite.
...you have two ways of clearing your bowels of filth: orally AND anally.
...the terms "conflict of interest" and "insider trading" mean nothing to you &
your pals at Halliburton, Harken, Enron, & whatever Savings & Loan Neil Bush
...a cushy Texas Air National Guard hideaway from the horrors of Vietnam is too
much for your cocaine & whiskey saturated ass to handle, let alone be grateful
for (unlike the thousands of un-connected Blacks & poor people who simply had to
risk coming home in tiny little pieces in a bodybag)!
...You can't understand this quote: "To announce that there must be no criticism
of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is
not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American
public." --Theodore Roosevelt, 1918
...you think that "freedom" for iraq is the same a "crusade" in which they should be purged with the flames of salvation
...Clinton's pen*s is still of greater concern to you, than the number of dead iraqi children in this war
...your idea of "the ultimate sacrifice" would be having your multi-millionaires-only tax cut welfare dropped from $700 billion to a "mere" $400 billion during a war.
...you are so dense that you can't see how legitimizing "pre-emptive" wars will be a disaster for global stability.
...you seem oblivious to the meaning of the word "hypocrite" you double talking veterans-benefits-slashing-during-war-right-to-life-unless-it's-a black-man-whose-lawyer-slept-through-the-trial-corporate-welfare giving SUV(Stupid Ugly Vulgar)-driving police-state-loving chickenhawk!!!
...you claim to be "pro life" while enthusiastically supporting the death
...you claim to have "gone broke" by paying taxes. Tracy C.
...you aren't taking comfort in the fact that the Big Shrub's chances of re-election (not that he was elected in the first place) are shrinking, casualty by casualty.... Susan from Florida
...you've never actually met a black person who's not hired help.
...you're very, very good at saying, "Let's you and him fight."
...you think liberating people means sending them to heaven - Thomas Tomello
...you think Bush is not a crazed, short-tempered, moron - Anonymous
...you love "Freedom Fries" "Freedom Toast" "Freedom Kiss," Vi Va la Amercian!
...you do not remember the French getting out of Viet Nam in 1954 and not
listening to the French in 2003.
...you think we have a free press.
...you believe Iraq was a real threat to the US.
...you worry about blacks on welfare.
...you believe that Fox News and the Bible are the only two sources worthy of trust.
...you believe a republican calling for democracy is anything more than a call for privatization of resources
...you buy American flags made in China, Pakistan, etc.
...you think Strom Thurmond winning the presidency really WOULD'VE made this
country a better place.
...you trust Laura Bush to drive you to the airport.
...you mistake Civility for Servility.
...you don't know the difference between Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.
...you believe everyone who disagrees with you "hasn't seen the light" so
they_must_ be against God too and deserve to be "exposed".
...You ranted about Clinton being a draft dodger whenever he so much as ordered the National Guard down to McDonald's to get him a Big Mac, but when Dubya sends American troops to die in Iraq, you're not concerned that he went AWOL from the National Guard during Vietnam.
......you go to a pro-war rally wearing an Old Navy shirt (let's hear it for
......You claim that "A high tide lifts all boats", but forget that it drowns
...you might have been persuaded to change your views on the war if Saddam had
only joined the NRA.
...you support the troops by waging war on Veteran's Benefits.
...iraqis fight for their country are terrorists and dubiya invading a country
...you get all your news from FOX and the Compliant News Network and only use
the internet for surfing porn sites...
...you really believe Limbaugh, Savage, Hannity, O'Reilly, Coulter etc. when
...... you have more dollars than sense.
...you voted for chickenhawk Saxby Chambliss over Vietnam vet Max Cleland in
last year's Georgia Senate race.
...you think that the Federal deficits the Dubya administration are somehow
...you can use the phrase 'compassionate conservative' in conversation with a
straight face. Eric M
...you think all low-cost housing projects should be knocked down to make room for more lovely golf courses.
...you honestly think the best way to defend the Constitution, which includes the Bill of Rights, we must be willing to curtail or eliminate the protections afforded citizens by the Bill of Rights. Eric M
...you don't see anything strange about Dubya waging all-out war on Iraq when
there is no concrete proof that they have any weapons of mass destruction, or
evidence that they are a threat to the U.S. in any way, and says that North
Korea is no problem when they already have nukes, and may have lots more soon.
...you think it was real wrong for Hillary Clinton to have private hearings to
...the entire nation is in debt up to their ass and you're ready to give Turkey
...you think there was any link between Al Quaida and Iraq before we invaded Iraq against the wishes of the U.N.
...You think George Bush is way more 'smarterer' than Dan Quayle
...you tell your gay brother you don't think of him as gay, just as your
...you scream that France opposes war only to look out for financial
...You believe George Bush's mistakes are Bill Clinton's fault.
...you firmly believe that Coleman would have beaten Wellstone.
...Killing the unborn by abortion is murder, but doing it with a smartbomb is
...gaining a presidency without a majority is legal, but not getting the
. . . you won't give rape victims emergency contraceptives
. . . you are against abortion, but are in favor of the death penalty, guns
... you believe that if you have a right to a M-16 in your house to fend off
...you believe Reagan ended the Cold War.
...you're plain stupid, bought off, brain-dead or unconcerned about W's damage done to the country.
...you think Bill O'Reilly offers a liberal view.
...you believe the Supreme Court is the Higher Authority.
...you believe killing in the name of 'Pro Life' is rational.
...it is o.k. for christian terrorists to bomb abortion clinics!!
...You are against affirmative action, but if the Supreme Court appoints a
...you think Jesus wasn't a liberal (cause that would make Dubya the
...anyone who disagrees with you is not a good Christian.
...Rush Limbaugh is your voice of reason.
. . .you believe a syllable the bush administration says
...you and your pet rock are intellectual peers.
...you've undergone a bungled lobotomy.
...no pretty young woman has ever called you "handsome" and you're insanely jealous of the female attention paid to Bill Clinton.
...you've got the copy of the movie Bush has already watched
...you believe that Dubya has the "anointing" and his declaration of war is
...you believe 25% tariffs on Canadian lumber is "good for America."
...you really believe wealthy business owners will use their enormous sums of money from dividend tax cuts to create 1.5 million jobs email@example.com
...you really believe there is a double tax on dividends
.....you think the problem with the French is that they don't have a word for
...You honestly believe that people who smoke marijuana are supporting terrorism, but driving a vehicle that gets 15 MPG is patriotic.
...You think that owning an SUV is an inalienable right covered under the
.... . .you're still obsessed with Bill Clinton's sex life.
. . .you don't believe the Bush family has hands as dirty as Robert Hanssen,
Aldrich Ames, the Rosenbergs and John Walker (all either incarcerated or
executed for betraying their country).
...you think war is the answer
...you think cowboys come from Connecticut.
...you are racist
...you think an Al Samoud is a WMD if it flies 15 miles too far ... when
...you couch your racism in your political views
...you don't "get" this quote: "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for
...You are so ignorant that you have never heard of the Thomas Jefferson quote: "A little revolution now and then is a healthy thing."
...You are too stupid to have never heard of Thomas Jefferson's quote: "The
...you believe blood is black.
...you think that Saddam Hussein was behind the attacks of 9/11.
...you don't see a parallel between Bush believing he is on a mission from God and Osama bin Laden believing the same thing.
...you're pro-life but civilians in other countries are expendable.
...you think George is a uniter.
...you think Skull and Bones is a faith-based organization, that Poppy Bush and Dubya are members.
...you are appalled by Clinton getting some oral sex , but are pleased when
...you believe dissent equals treason
...You're too stupid to know that martial law will be declared at the next
...you believe that your leaders talk to God
...you've already decided that your support for having troops in Iraq will end the day a democrat takes office.
...you believe that ari fleisher deserves to remain in possession of his vocal
...you think that there will be a 2004 election (or any election ever again).
... you believe fraternities sanction brotherhood, and have nothing to do
…you can't understand why Rush Limbaugh went stone deaf. (karma)
...Rush Limbaugh is your only source of news.
...you believe that boycotting french kissing will support the war against Iraq.
...you believe the War on Drugs is winnable. EB
…you believe smoking pot supports terrorism but sending billions to Arab
...your "Leave No Child Behind" definitely does not apply to IRAQI children
...your "Leave No Child Behind" does not apply to children of families who
...your "Leave No Child Behind" does not apply to children of all
...your "Leave No Child Behind" does NOT apply to poor child without health
...your "Leave No Child Behind" certainly does NOT apply to children with
...you and your loved ones will be in the Bunker while others are killed.
...you use retirees as human shields at meetings on the companies 401k by I.M. Kulardenu & U Know It! firstname.lastname@example.org
...you think the reason we have so many poor people is because the rich people aren't rich enough and need a tax cut.
...You believe Bush knew nothing about 9-11, before the fact.
...you really believe there is such a thing as "The Liberal Press".
...you believe that Mel Carnahan, Paul Wellstone, and John Kennedy Jr.'s
...your idea of economic policy is welfare for the rich and hell-fare for the
...you think that screwing an intern is an impeachable offense, but screwing
...you think everyone else is stupid enough to believe what you say.
. . . . you say "go get 'em boys" in the Atlanta Airport to both the young
...you think Saddam Hussein is a despicable, evil despot of a dictator......but great to do business with.
If you need a bologna sandwich, some pretzels, big tall glass of Jack
...you piss and moan about welfare.......unless it's corporate welfare.
...you think that if North Korea allows millions of it's citizens to be
......your IQ is smaller than your waistband
...You think it's great to see so many physicians leaving the practice of
Michael E. Norman, M.D., M.B.A.
...you think that having to pay $26 billion for support means you actually have support.
...you brush off France's opposition as that coming from an insignificant
...you think that if they are going to insist on gassing their own prisoners,
...you think the majority who voted for Gore was just a focus group.
...you think we should just dispense with the 2004 presidential election and
...you weighed Rush Limbaugh's opinion on the tax cuts vs the opinion of 400
economists including 10 Nobel Laureates...and came down on the side of Rush
...You think social security is "some sort of Federal program" -
...you use the word "gay" as an insult.
...you've ever called for nucluleer war.
......you demand a refund on the Bill of Rights
...you're a "pro-life" millionaire who has never adopted a child.
...You want to save unwanted fetuses so they can grow up to be angry unwanted teenagers who commit crimes- then you can execute them.
...It doesn't bother you to cast votes exactly like David Duke does, because
...You spread opinion-based falsehoods about concepts like global warming, genetic homosexuality, and evolution, but still constantly complain about American students' low scores on science tests.
...You actually believe that the framers of the Constitution would have
...You were born middle to upper class, but still think you're a "self made
...You're more concerned with the next fiscal quarter than with the next
...Your economic policies would help people by laying them off.
...You think the government's concern for human life should begin at
...You'd rather see American children well defended than well fed.
...You can't figure out why urban blacks still haven't "gotten it together" a
...Reducing Bill Gates' tax rate is more important than reducing the country's crime rate, drug addiction rate, abortion rate, or poverty rate.
...You think that people smoke crack "for the fun of it," like it's something
...You talk about "less government," but still want to pass laws governing
...You get very angry thinking about fat people who say they need Food Stamps. If they're so damn poor, why don't they look like Ethiopians?
...You're so convinced that God will take care of all the sick people that you
...you think that the giant multinational corporations who own the media allow for a "liberal bias"
... you think Saddam Hussein flew one of the 911 planes.
...You think a mind is a terrible thing.
...you think that it is a duty of the criminal justice system to execute THE
...you believe that if you can't plaster your car with a "these colors don't
... when you change something's name for a dumb reason because it offends you
("freedom fries"?!) that's ok, but when someone else changes something's name
for a real reason because it offends them ("stewardess" to "flight attendant,"
say), that's "political correctness," and therefore evil.
...your heart pumps oil.
...you bitch and moan about big government while Clinton is in office, but
...you think the Chicken Hawks in the White House are brave and courageous men.
...only the rich deserve to live.
...you think Clinton was responsible for Ruby Ridge and Waco
...you blame Clinton's penis for massive unemployment, vaporized life
...you want to bomb Iraq because they may have weapons of mass destruction (oil)...but give North Korea who has weapons of mass destruction a pass (no oil).
...during the Vietnam War you had your Daddy pull strings so you could get into a National Guard unit and avoid the draft and combat, but feel its every young person's duty today to enlist and serve in the war on Saddam.
...you think maximizing your oil company stock value is far more important than preserving the environment for future generations.
...you didn't know that Rush Limbaugh used to be a 'liberal' until he figured
...when you give a quarter to a street person, you ask them for a receipt so
...you have first edition copies of Rush Limbaugh's books in the original
...you think entertainers such as Barbara Streisand and Alec Baldwin should
...you think France, Germany, Belgium, and all the other turn-coats out there should learn a few things from our good friends, the Saudi Arabians!
...you think that Tom Ridge is one smart cookie.
...you think Mexico would be a great place if not for all those darned
...you refuse to go to any restaurant that advertises 'liberal' portions.
...you are a card carrying member of the John Birch Society, the ARA, and the 'Kill a Freak for Jesus' chapter in your town.
...you think that Lawrence Welk was very progressive because he had an
...you still think that ketchup really is a vegetable.
...you are sure that Judge Bork got a raw deal.
...you can't locate 90% of the World's nations on a globe, but can name every NASCAR driver there is.
...you think it was morally wrong for Saddam to gas his own people but
...you believe Jesus would bomb Iraq.
...you have no idea why we are going to war but support it anyway! -Fugi
...you think that because U.S. freed France in W.W.II it is not 'free' to
... you’re the first to call up a talk show to ferociously oppose Estate tax
...you would be horrified to learn that Jesus was actually a long-haired,
...you think minimum wage shouldn't have to provide people enough money to pay rent AND buy food.
...you believe Christianity is oppressed in America.
...you believe atheists shouldn't be citizens.
...you're 40 years old, and have never dated, let alone been married, because your saving yourself for Margaret Thatcher.
...you think its just to put someone in jail for years and years for smoking a
...you think its reasonable that many States spend more per capita on animals in the zoo than they do on the disabled.
...you did drugs in college, but think we should put first time drug users in
...you believe Fox News' tag line that they are 'fair and balanced'.
...you think its fair for the Federal Government to subsidize multi-million
...you truly believe that the rising cost of health care is due to all those
...you find Ann Coulter sexy. - JB
...you condemn Bill Clinton for lying about oral sex, but it is alright if
...you truly believe that restoring accountability to the White House means it’s
all Clinton’s fault.
...you think that the Arabs and the Israelis should sit down and resolve their
differences like good Christians.
...your proud to be an "Amurricun" - anonymous
...you idolize a social Darwinist economic system, but are against teaching
evolution in the schools.
...You don’t get it when you hear Secretary Rumsfeld referred to as Dr. Strangelove.
...you think Pearl Harbor is the greatest film ever made.-anonymous
...you favor a strict closed border policy, however your maid, your au pair,
...you think the best way to protect our forests from wildfires is to allow
...the closest you ever came to real suffering was when you got locked in your
limo and had to live on olives and martinis for a whole hour until the
...you think that Richard Nixon was just too darned liberal!-anonymous
...your annual income is over six figures, yet when you go out to eat, you
...you secretly see the 'War on Terror' and the war against Saddam as a way to justify cutting or eliminating all those pesky social programs.-anonymous
...you secretly feel that Strom Thurmond would have been a fine President back in '48.-anonymous
...you think "subliminable" is a word.-anonymous
...you think that manual labor is the President of Mexico.-anonymous
...you think mighty highly of the Texas School System for producing such a
...you really think you're in the "top 1%" income bracket...and you make $25,000 a year!-anonymous
...you think it's ok and you aren't angry when you lose your job, because
...you really believe that education is a "product," students are the
...you *know* that free markets are the best, most fair way of doing
...you genuinely believe that the Bush cares about democracy abroad.-anonymous
...your ancestors never would have been allowed to set foot on US soil under current immigration laws, but everything's the fault of "those furriners."-anonymous
...you aren't rich, but you really honestly believe you're going to be
...you went a.w.o.l. and then deserted your army unit-anonymous
...if you've paid for three of your mistresses' abortions, but stand to be
I might be a right wing republican if I had to choose between that and being
...you really believe that "a rising tide lifts all boats" applies to the
...you care about "life" for blastulas and fetuses, but you sure want
-- you think that the New York Times is a liberal left newspaper.
-- you think the "three strikes" law ought to apply so we can lock up common felons but NOT to convicted criminals the Whitehouse wants to hire or has hired in recent years.
...you think David Souter had nothing to do with the NH/ME border dispute.
...if you think Meldrim Thomson helped NH fishermen in the marine lateral
...you think the state of Maine revenue service is legally taxing NH workers at PORTSMOUTH Naval Shipyard in PORTSMOUTH ,NEW HAMPSHIRE 03801
...you think the "PORTSMOUTH" Naval Shipyard is in Kittery Maine, not in
...you bought your ak-47 from jesus, he threw in the 50 round clip for
...you think president clinton's pecker is the "root" of all evil.
...if you have a borderline psychotic obsession with the fact that Bill Clinton
was elected President. Twice. Fair and Square. Don't you tell me to "just get
...if you think a corporation should have the same legal rights as an individual
......if your recent tax breaks have blessed you with the opportunity to make a
meaningful and patriotic contribution to the trickle-down effect by hiring a
...you think religious freedom means Christian domination. -anonymous
...When asked to name the first three green things that come to your mind, you
...if you think the coming war on Iraq is about anything other than oil. -anonymous
...you're too drunk to fish, and too dumb to hunt. -anonymous
...you think Ronald Reagan really did fight in World War II (The War, not The
...you claim to want dignity in the Whitehouse and then pick your nose in
......if your recent tax breaks have blessed you with the opportunity to make a meaningful and patriotic contribution to the trickle-down effect by hiring a maid. Nancy O'Hara
...you favor fighting a war to "preserve freedom", but think that the first,
...you honestly believe that Bush is pursuing war to bring "democracy" to the
...you say "the economy has to recycle itself--it was time for a recession". -anonymous
...you can't explain why you like George Bush. -anonymous
...you think Saddam and Kim Jong Il control more weapons of mass destruction
...You think Joe Lieberman is a Democrat. -anonymous
...You are in favor of cutting taxes on investments, even though the only
...you oppose affirmative action, even though you were admitted to a
...you faxed divorce papers to your wife from your hotel room in
...you tried to copyright the term: Weapons of Mass Destruction. -anonymous
...you will swallow anything if it is wrapped in an American flag & ends
...you think Rummie has a good bone in his body. -anonymous
...you think John Ashcroft is a moderate. -anonymous
...you went AWOL for over a year and got to be the Resident. -anonymous
...you believe everything is going well. -anonymous
...if you believe punishing schools by reducing their funding will make them
...You swear to protect the US of A and all our freedoms & you by God won't let
the "Niceties of Civil Liberties" get in the way of doin' it -anonymous
...You think Nixon wasn't a crook, despite the pardons. -anonymous
...You think it's ok to restrict individual freedoms in order to protect
...you honestly think that Dubya's mother-in-law losing $8,000.00 on Enron
...your idea of communing with nature is a cook-out in a strip-mine.
..you think that antiwar activists are automatically terrorist sympathizers...eh
..you are glad to see things back to normal...a bush is president and war
...you use lethal injection on a rapist but don't
...you think all those starving kids in Somalia should quit begging and get a
...you'd rather screw the country than an intern. -anonymous
...you saw the bumper sticker saying "Free Leonard Peltier," and you got own that said "F**k Leonard Peltier." -anonymous
...your name is ken starr & you still have secret desires to touch president
...you're still mad because 'rummy' rumsfeld & dubya wont let you play with their g.i. joe action figures - cephil
...you're on medicare, need prescription drug help & still voted for the
...you laughed at Pigboy Limbaugh and SNL for making fun of 13-year-old
...you believe sean hannity was not conceived through anal sex -anonymous
...you think ''colin powell'' is a bulk fiber laxative - cephil
...you can't keep house pets because your pal TED NUGENT killed & ate the last ones - cephil
...you "win" an election
... you think the best way to prevent forest fires is cut down all the
...your idea of compassion is taking off your steel-toed boots before kicking a homeless person.-anonymous
...if you think that our founding fathers gave us the right to have guns to
... you speak on behalf of God and decide who He likes and doesn't.
...If you got your head up your a-- and are still able to lick corporate balls.-anonymous
...you think that the right way to fix our schools is to post the Ten
...You were horrified that Hilary Clinton didn't bake cookies, but think it's
...you believe that world peace can be achieved by bombing other countries.
...you want to spread American style democracy by OPPOSING the democratic election of Hugo Chavez and SUPPORTING the military coup against him.
...your wife sticks to the basics: raising her God-fearing, all-American clan.
...yer yellin' at the TV during a news report on welfare moms while printing
...you swiftly drop all high school extracurricular activities to prevent them
...your motto is " KILL -N- DRILL ".-anonymous
...you went to jimmy swaggerts house & watched gay porn movies with your good buddies jerry fallwell & pat robertson, but it's ok because jesus only forgives republicans.-anonymous
...you think colin powell played chicken george in the movie roots.-anonymous
...you have DNA evidence that rush limbaugh is not cloned from fecal matter.-anonymous
...you left your Clan robe at the family planning clinic bombing. -anonymous
...... you think that being elected governor/president is the cure to your childhood trauma. -anonymous
...You honestly believe the poor are "lucky duckies" -Cat in Seattle
...your salary's over $100,000 or your IQ is under 80 -- or both.-anonymous
...you don't realize that Adolf is alive & well in the white house.-anonymous
...you're going to burn in hell for hypocrisy & self-righteousness -anonymous
...you believe there is such a thing as a "lone gunman". -anonymous
...you think the CIA and FBI are "incompetent bunglers". -anonymous
...you never connect the dots -- or if you drew the original picture.
...you think 9-11 was carried out without Bush's help. -anonymous
...you think that Cokemon Bush is on the wagon. -anonymous
...you think Wellstone was killed accidentally. -anonymous
...you crucify Jesus every day with your words and acts. -anonymous
...you consider the new testament a mandate for world domination. -anonymous
...you steal from the poor and give to the rich -anonymous
...while watching reruns of All In The Family, you wonder why the audience
...you think jeb would have been much better in the movie slingblade than
...you go to church to pray for peace on earth and goodwill toward men, while
supporting the horrors of war against Iraq, and discrimination against gays.
...you don't realize that Only Pussies Support Bush! -anonymous
...Jesus was the guest speaker at the last friends of the NRA dinner banquet. -anonymous
...you think Viagra is a better drug than marijuana. -anonymous
...you think that oral sex rises to the level of an "impeachable offense," but
stealing an election doesn't
...you believe in the right to bear arms but never bothered to do a stint of military service.-anonymous
...you opposed a commie "Regime Change" in South Vietnam but support an American "Regime Change" in Iraq. -anonymous
...you think every human that worships Jesus is righteous and just, but every person of the Islamic faith is a stupid *raghead* extremist out to commit an act of terrorism against the U.S. --anonymous
......you think people in other countries are moved to commit suicide attacking us because they're "jealous", and not
because we've been bombing their countries and imposing murderous economic sanctions on them. --anonymous
...you think feeding and educating disadvantaged children is a Communist plot, but waging war so your Big Oil cronies can make billions is patriotic and just. --anonymous
...you believe that there is no prayer in public schools (I'm a teacher, I pray to myself whenever I want at school).-anonymous
...you believe that declaring war on Iraq is patriotic.
...you believe that the coal, oil, and nuclear industries will police themselves
if the Clean Air and Clean Water Acts are weakened.
...you think ALL Christians vote Republican.-anonymous
...you believe driving an SUV is good for the economy.-anonymous
...you don't understand the importance of conservation of natural resources.-anonymous
...you believe global warming is something that you can adapt to. -anonymous
...you support integration until your white daughter wants to date a black man. -anonymous
.... your heart bleeds oil. Kahlil at http://reachm.crimsonblog.com/
...you think Government (regulation) is bad and Corporate greed is good.
...you think the Texas Air National Guard was dangerous duty during the Vietnam War. -anonymous
...you think Bu$h has any brains in that pretzel head of his. -anonymous
... your face is pink and your neck is red. -anonymous
...you do not believe Bu$h is a complete ignorant a--hole. -anonymous
... you've never wondered who is taking those polls that give dubya a "high
...you wake up in the morning whistlin' Dixie. -anonymous
... you got your finger on a nuke button, and a battery teetering on your
... you think Colin Powell is "black." -anonymous
... your high-level freemason rituals causes you to set up internet kiddie
[Do you know something we don't? Editorial comment] -anonymous
... you were touched by Ashcroft's rendition of Let The Eagle's Soar.-anonymous
...you think Bill Clinton's wiener is more important than world peace & the
... you don't sit on your Ashcroft, and take a hot stinkin Bush, then wipe
....if you your waist measurement approximates your I.Q. -anonymous
...you think Jeb cares about children. -anonymous
...after voting against all civil rights legislation, you wonder why minorities don't vote republican. (email@example.com)
...you think NewsMax reports the news fairly and accurately. -anonymous
...you believe anything George Bush says, but think Clinton was a liar. -anonymous
...you understand why Timothy McVeigh hates the U. S. Government - but not why the Saudi's do. -anonymous
...you recognize the failure of inner city schools - but think affirmative
...you think putting potheads in prison and giving Ollie North a radio show is
...you believe that people in other countries hate freedom. -anonymous
...you think we are winning the war on terror. -anonymous
...you believe brown skin or immigration status are probable cause. -anonymous
...you believe that the best way to save social security is to take money out
...you believe John Ashcroft respects the Bill of Rights and enforces the law. -anonymous
...you think that taxing the poor so as to relieve the tax burden of the rich
...you think Iraq is the greatest security threat we face. -anonymous
...you think it would have been unconstitutional to count the votes in Florida in 2000. -anonymous
...you believe national security is enhanced by violating due process. -anonymous
...you believe any of Trent Lott's hollow apologies. -anonymous
...you voted for the grandson of a Nazi sympathizer, who belongs to a family of known criminals.-anonymous
...you believe the media is liberal. -anonymous
...you pronounce it "nucular" 20-something times during a national television address. -anonymous
...you believe in God and lower taxes. -anonymous
...you think school shootings are the result of dangerous minorities. -anonymous
...if you think republicans actually give a sh_t about you!!!!!!!!!!
...you think blacks have the same "voice" as whites do! firstname.lastname@example.org
... you think having a gun is more important than the lives of hundreds of
...You really believe the Congressional Black Caucus is really in favor of a
...you think it's okay to have concealed weapons on school grounds. -anonymous
...you think "dick head" is a compliment. -anonymous
... you don't believe that life under Reagan sucked compared to Clinton, after all under who else did you get so super rich that even the tech dive didn't change your lifestyle.
...you are deep down jealous of Bill Clinton's sex life!
...you actually think that Reaganomics was better than Clintonomics!
...you actually perceive that life under GW Bush is better than under Clinton!
...if you actually think George W Bush is doing a good enough job of holding the Country and it's future Down!
...if you believe "compassionate conservative" really IS what Dubya is all about.
... you blame Clinton for your own sad pathetic sexual hang ups -anonymous
... YOU LIKE TRENT LOTT'S HAIR HELMET. -anonymous
...you use the words "so human" to describe george w.'s mangling of the english language. -anonymous
...you stand to become a multi-billionaire off the spoils of war! --anonymous
...your brother Trent keeps stealing your hair spray.
...your neighbor Trent invites you over for a wooden cross building party
By Bill Ham
…You think a two cell organism is a human being and is alive but are willing
...you think the poor people need to pay more taxes so you can give bigger tax
breaks to your campaign contributors.
...if you think George Bush has the right to take away from the majority of
. . .you can't enjoy a meal unless you know someone is going hungry.
...You think Bill O'Reilly is a real journalist
…You think its fair for the poor to give up their oil subsidies so the rich
...you honestly think that Bush is great even if his policies cost you
your job, your home, your savings and the life of your child in war, but at
least he didn't get a b---j--.
..you were convicted of multiple felonies under one Republican presidency, and
hired by the next!
...you think that Rush Limbaugh really is a truth detector with talent on loan
...you freaked out about Waco and Ruby Ridge but think that everything the Bush
administration is doing is totally justified.
...you think that the minimum wage is too high. - email@example.com
...you think Barry Goldwater was too liberal. - firstname.lastname@example.org
...you believe that felons have a right to own firearms, but not to vote.
...you think FOX News is really "Fair and Balanced."
email@example.com Craig Lane
...your pickup truck has a shotgun rack and a bumper sticker from the local Christian school.
...you firmly believe Ann Coulter has looks AND intelligence to boot.
...you can link Clinton to every conceivable situation that developed worldwide from 1992-2000. firstname.lastname@example.org
...you endorse a man with a borderline below-average collegiate career as the appointed leader of almost 290 million citizens. email@example.com
...rules are bent to satisfy the needs of your over privileged children.
...the definition of unpatriotic includes actually thinking for yourself.
...you think Ronald Reagan was the president -anonymous
...you believe the mentally retarded are treated equally in elected -anonymous
..you love Jesus but hate everyone else -anonymous
...if you think Rush Limbaugh is an expert on Viet Nam -anonymous
...if you think George W. Bush is an honorable war hero -anonymous
...if you would spend $40,000,000.00 to see if Clinton had sex but nothing for unemployed workers-anonymous
...you secretly suspect that J.C. Watts is the guy that stole your hubcaps at
last year's RNC fundraiser.
... if you make your children listen to talk radio during target practice.
...if you fail to see the value in Harry Potter inspiring children all over
...if you vote for a candidate who denigrates his opponents Vietnam Prisoner of War status.
...if you vote for a candidate who denigrates his opponent, who lost 3 limbs in the Vietnam war, patriotism.
...when someone asks you your name you must pull your head out of your a-- and
read it off your belt.
Sting the right wing! Send us your own You might be a right wing republican if...include email or name if you desire in each entry you send.
Daily Frontpage Archives You might be a right wing Republican if... What Liberal Media? Republican Presidential Quotations Bush-Cheney Political Contributions Cream of the Crop Links T-Shirts, Mugs and More Please donate so I can put food on my family Subscribe to AHNC About AHNC Advertise on All Hat No Cattle Contact me Copyright Notice
Visitors to All Hat No Cattle since December 2000