Thursday edition - August 3, 2006


Baghdad 'As Bad As I've Seen It,' US General Says
Boston,  USA - 8-3-06
WASHINGTON -- The top US military commander in the Middle East told Congress on Thursday that "Iraq could move toward civil war" if the raging sectarian ...


Bush trims this year's Texas stay to 10 days
USA Today -
By Richard Benedetto, USA TODAY. WASHINGTON — This year, Bush is cutting his down time to only 10 days — the shortest summer ..

Democrats refuse to lift `hold' on FDA nomination
San Jose Mercury News - Aug 2, 2006
Sen. Hillary Clinton, DN.Y., charged Tuesday that the battle over the morning-after pill was an attempt by the White House to inject politics into science.


Bush trims his vacation to ten days? Gee, I never knew he stopped vacationing.



Israel's government sent ten thousand troops over the border into southern Lebanon on Tuesday while paratroopers landed up north in the Bekaa Valley. President Bush heard the news in the Oval Office and took immediate action. He lit a second cigar. - comedian Argus Hamilton



The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News



"More serious newspapers in Israel are now starting to question their government's actions in Lebanon. The critics say Israel leaders underestimated the strength of the enemy, didn't have a well thought-out military plan, and may have gotten them bogged down in a quagmire fighting a guerrilla war in foreign country. Well thank god our leaders would never let anything like that happen." --Jay Leno



We are delivering to the Lebanese border and around Gaza

Pizza, soda, ice cream and more!




Disturbing News



"Miami's Hispanic population took to the streets last night to celebrate Fidel Castro temporarily stepping down from power. Way to go America! Our plan to slowly deteriorate his health over the course of 50 years is working." --Stephen Colbert



Hey, Sen. Burns - Don't Dial 9-11


Sen. Conrad Burns' recent verbal attack on a firefighting team for its work on a Montana blaze angered some firefighters, drew harsh criticism in state newspapers and has left the three-term Republican scrambling to repair the political damage. Burns, one of the most vulnerable incumbents in the fall elections, confronted members of a firefighting team at the Billings airport on July 23 and told them they had done a "piss-poor job," according to an official state report and the U.S. Forest Service.


Burns' comments have gotten him into trouble in the past.

In 1999, Burns issued a written apology after referring to Arabs as "rag heads" during a speech while commenting on oil prices. In 1994, Burns repeated a story that included the word "niggers" and commented that living with blacks in Washington, D.C., was "a hell of a challenge." He also onced asked a woman who was wearing a nose ring what tribe she belonged to.

Last year, the senator denied a flight attendant's claim that he told her she could "go home and be a mother" if her airline job were eliminated.





Celebrity Cruise captain Periklis Petridis pleaded guilty Monday to operating a ship while drunk on alcohol. They should make an example of him. He tested at four times the legal limit and he still didn't have a bad word to say about the Jews. - comedian Argus Hamilton





Subject: Rumsfeld, Pace and Immigration


Hey, Lisa:
Did you catch old Rummy on TV [yester]day mumbling and repeating himself and stuttering and stammering? He needs to be certified to a looney ward.
When Peter Pace became the Big Kahuna of the services, I had the Pollyanna idea that I would write to him, in long hand yet, and beg him to speak truth to power and get some sense into the Defense Department. I did exactly that and said exactly that, with other stuff. I thought surely a Marine wouldn't be a toady. Well. Scratch my ever writing to another big stuffed shirt. The back scratchers will get their promotion and silently slip away into retirement like Miller of the Air Force did before Pace. I don't know how a respectable military officer could stand by Rummy and translate what he says with a straight face. The perks must be pretty good.
I think Rummy and GWB must be on the same stuff because all the 'joking' and other inane talk in the Press Corp room today didn't make any more sense than Rummy's press conference. And there was Tony Snow right behind George just grinning like a monkey. I'm considering immigrating!


I feel imprisoned here in America with the barbed wired press conferences and obfuscation by this entire administration.


Of course, these are the same people who told NYC post 9-11 that the polluted air was OK to breath.



Republican Shenanigans


One Less Freedom to Fight For


Cruz, 21, told the NBC 10 Investigators that police arrested him last Wednesday for taking a picture of police activity with his cell phone.

Cruz said that when he heard a commotion, he walked out of his back door with his cell phone to see what was happening. He said that when he saw the street lined with police cars, he decided to take a picture of the scene.

"I opened (the phone) and took a shot," Cruz said.

Moments later, Cruz said he got the shock of his life when an officer came to his back yard gate.

"He opened the gate and took me by my right hand," Cruz said.

Cruz said the officer threw him onto a police car, cuffed him and took him to jail.




 “But it's fascinating, this Taylor Hicks, you know who I'm talking about? He's the big ‘American Idol’ winner and he won by four million votes more than President Bush won his election. This is true. Coincidentally, so did Al Gore.” -- David Letterman



Rock-The-Voter News




The people of Miami are celebrating tonight because Fidel Castro has temporarily stepped down. He had to undergo surgery so he temporarily transferred his presidential power to his brother, Jeb Castro. -- Jay Leno

Good News


"Castro took over in 1959. He's the longest reigning dictator in power currently, if you don't count Martha Stewart. He's going to be 80 years old. He's talking about retiring. You know what that means? He could wind up in Miami." --Jay Leno




Biz-Tech News




"The Hungarian government put together an internet voting thing to let their citizens vote on who a new bridge that will span the Danube River will be named after and so far the frontrunner is Chuck Norris. So either the Hungarians have a very good sense of humor or very bad taste. It's not a bad strategy though, because if war ever breaks out with Hungary what red-blooded American pilot is going to bomb the Chuck Norris bridge? Not one who's seen 'Missing In Action 2,' I'll tell you that." --Jimmy Kimmel


Bush-Prison-Torture News





Mel Gibson entered rehab Monday after his drunken anti-Semitic rant. He said the Jews cause all the wars in the world, prompting Disney to cancel his Holocaust television movie project. Condoleezza Rice said that at least both sides are talking. - comedian Argus Hamilton


Go-F*ck-Yourself News



"I'm dreaming of a  white  Cuban-cigar Christmas..."-- Grant Gerver



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Odd News




This is an undated handout photo issued by Wookey Hole Caves Wednesday Aug 2, 2006, of the security guard Greg West and his Doberman Barney who went on the rampage. A 40,000 pound (US$75,000 euros 58,000) teddy bear formerly owned by Elvis Presley was one of the bears destroyed when the guard dog which was supposed to protect it went on the rampage Tuesday . The rare Steiff bear, named Mabel, was due to form the centerpiece of an exhibition at Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England. The bear was bought at auction in Memphis, Tennessee, by Somerset aristocrat Sir Benjamin Slade and had been loaned to the collection, a Wookey Hole spokesman said. (Photo/Wookey Hole Caves)