George W. Bush is the straw that stirs the drink of gloabal terrorism. And, he just keeps on stirring, and stirring, and stirring... -- Grant Gerver

"A lot of trouble in the Middle East right now between Lebanon and Israel. ... Last night Israel bombed the runways at Beirut's airport, putting a stop on all flights in and out. So I'm sorry everybody, you're just gonna have to cancel that relaxing weekend getaway to Beirut." --Conan O'Brien

CNN repeatedly reported on the lone Israeli civilian causality without making any mention of the more than 50 Lebanese civilian casualties. To be exact, CNN did that at 10:31 a.m., 11:02, 12:09 p.m., 12:19, 1:00, 1:30, 1:52, 2:00, 2:17, 2:30, 2:50, and 4:04.

Note that at 12:05 p.m. CNN did report that "at least 45 Lebanese civilians have been killed in this offensive," but that's because the news channel was airing a feed from CNN International, which seemed to understand one of its fundamental responsibilities in covering bloody, revenge-driven political conflicts was to report civilian deaths suffered on both sides. In fact, a check of CNN Europe's reporting yesterday afternoon showed CNN Europe routinely reported on the death of the Israeli woman and as well as death of nearly 50 Lebanese civilian. CNN's U.S.-based anchors and reporters though, seemed mostly unable or unwilling to do the same.

 

"It's been a very busy and somewhat disturbing day throughout the world. President Bush was overseas in Germany as events unfolded. Here is his press conference with Chancellor Angela Merkel in Germany where he wasted no time addressing the many troubling developments [on screen: Bush saying, 'I'm looking forward to the feast you're going to have tonight. I understand I may have the honor of slicing the pig']. He may have the honor of slicing the pig? I'm just going to assume that is some euphemism for solving the Middle East crisis" --Jon Stewart

Bush Walks Over Putin's Request

BUSH: He's [Putin] a strong man. Look, he's willing to listen, but he also explains to me, he doesn't want anybody telling him how to run his government...

BUSH: I talked about my desire to promote institutional change in parts of the world, like Iraq, where there’s a free press and free religion. And I told him that a lot of people in our country would hope that Russia will do the same thing. I fully understand, however, that there will be a Russian-style democracy.

PUTIN: We certainly would not want to have same kind of democracy as they have in Iraq, quite honestly.

And Putin ends it with another strong zing. Bush needs to act as a John Wayne, instead of Gomer Pyle. Click here for the video clip

Putin Makes Religion Remark, Goes Over Bush's Head

I have already mentioned that we will not participate in any crusades, in any holy alliances. This is true. I reaffirm our position in this matter. But our common goal is to make the world a more secure place, and certainly we'll be working with all our partners, including the United States, in order to address this problem.
 

It's A Republican Thing - Honoring Bribery

Four months after being sent to prison, former Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham is being honored for serving time – in Congress.
Cunningham, who admitted to accepting $2.4 million in bribes, will be among 37 departing members of Congress honored for “hard work, service, time and sacrifices” by the U.S. Capitol Historical Society in a reception next week.

www.cagle.com

Katherine Harris gave her campaign more than $3 million to run for Senate, but then took back $100,000 to finish renovating her "historic home in Washington, D.C." her campaign revealed Friday.

The campaign said that the Republican congresswoman would sell the house, if necessary, to fund her embattled Senate race to unseat Democratic incumbent Bill Nelson. The decision was immediately questioned.

"I have never heard of a candidate taking money out of a campaign coffer like it's an ATM. It absolutely boggles my mind," said former Harris campaign manager Jim Dornan

Bush says the “jury's still out on evolution.” The jury is still out on whether he actually won the election. - Zing!

"President Bush had a phone conversation with the astronauts aboard the space shuttle. The odd thing is President Bush was the only one wearing a space helmet." --Conan O'Brien

When the Going Gets Tough, Dan Quayle Runs Away

Dan Quayle took time out from participating in the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship in Stateline, Nev., on Friday to attend John Mellencamp's concert only to run into a political statement.

He then made a statement of his own by walking out during Mellencamp's rendition of ``Walk Tall.'' Before launching into the song, Mellencamp told the Harveys casino crowd, in effect, that it was dedicated to everyone hurt by policies of the current Bush administration.

Quayle, who served as vice president for President Bush's father in 1989-93 walked out of the venue before Mellencamp finished the song.

 

"Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva." --Stephen Colbert, on the effect of President Bush kissing Joe Lieberman

"At a joint press conference with President Bush, German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a 'de-escalation of Mid-East violence.' Later, Bush called for both sides to 'de-angrify' and 'de-hurt' each other." -Conan O'Brien

It's too bad we can't imprison some congressmen with as little evidence or recourse as we give the inmates of Guantanamo. -- Zing!

"Homeland Security expects to have a new warning system in place by the end of the year that will warn you of a national emergency on your cell phone. They will call you on your cell phone if we are under attack or there's a tornado or there's a hurricane. Of course the important question for most Americans -- 'Does that use up our minutes?'" -Jay Leno

Jumbo Jet vs People on the Beach YouTube 14 second video