I forgot my six-shooters!

I got the whole world in my hands. Now what?

Can I use the metal scissors now? 

Anybody seen my jet? -Veritas2001

Who took my paintball gun?

I'm not stupid!

What? This is just my safety gear.....I'm going to cut some! - Dangerous Barbarian -rgoode

"Uh,Dick. Does the hat really make me look intelligent?"

I swear,after touchdown, I was THAT much bigger!

Karl, where are the girls?  I'm ready to fly!

Gore sucks a**

I don't wanna give it back.  Uncle Karl said I could wear it whenever I wanted

Looky here, we found the WMDs.  Aye done found em myself.

"What do you mean, I'm out of uniform, this is how I dressed in the Guard"

"What do you mean the battery's dead?"

The lie I told was only this big.

They says I is droppin in them polls.  Well I don't want to hurt all my
functionin' brain cells when I hit bottom.

My DADDY makes me wear this when I'm on VACATION.

See DT's are a piece of cake with this helmet.

My a**hole is this big, can you believe I found this cool helmet up there.

No! First give me the oil, then I'll liberate ya'll. - Kevin A.

Next belt buckle I'm gonna git will be this big.

The checks in the mail, the dog ate my homework, I was elected, it was not the
oil, I am no war criminal. The helmet? A gift from Dick... Why?

I was milkin' Rummy's prostate when all of a sudden!!!!!

Rumey, where's my damn weed wacker ?

What would Jesus do?

You want to play war with me?

Did I scare you ?

GOD told me that HE forgot to put a brain in me. So what's the big deal,

I'm sorry but I left brain, um well I think I left it, um, well I thought I saw
it, oh sh*t, I Have No Brain Just Like There Were NO Weapons of Mass
Destruction.  It was that evil Cheney guy made me say it, No, No, it was Tenet,
No, it was Laura, yes Laura, you know she's a librarian and very well informed,
I think.  Oh, Oh, I think I saw may brain trying to escape, gotta go.
"...Even on my break I still take time to look for those Weapons of Mass
Distruction PROGRAMS."


If my cod piece had been real, it would have been this big!

"Can you repeat that question sir?",,,,"Did you say, why dont you take your hat
and shove it you’re a**?"     from DG Spencer

My poll numbers are dropping? Get me a pair of socks, a jet and an aircraft
carrier. -Leslie in Tum Tum

But Uncle Dick you said I could try the Segway again when I was sober.

Dang it...I forgot my six-shooters! -jaywing

i'm really as damn dumb as i look- dwaynebrooks

"You got a couple of Lone Stars to go in my new hat?...Bring 'em on!" KMKleff

"I have come to your planet to destroy it."
Chris M.

Have you seen my sock? -jhigley

What - me worry?

"I'm an excellent driver."

OK y'all!  Where'd you hide my sock puppet?

Hey, it's my "Commander in Chief" brush clearing helmet!!

I'm proud to be the recipient of the William Holden Drinking Helmet Award!

I'm a cowboy and this is my training hat...

Just look at me am I dumb or what?

I want to show my support to our troops by inviting all 150,000 to a BBQ at my
ranch, The Lazy W, this weekend.  Aww, shucks, you fellows can't come?  I will
have to drink those 150,000 bottles of beer myself then...

My legions went to war and all I got was this lousy helmet!

Bring 'em on!

Whadaya mean it don't hold no beer cans???

Hey, I found my old hat! Now to get two cans of beer and some straws!

I wanna play aviator again

da plane? da plane? wheres da plane?

Atom Ant - At your Service.

Paint a bullseye right here and then give it your best shot!!!

I'm a complete f*cking moron!

Dick Cheney said if I wore this special headgear, I would be able to talk to

Now the question we must ask is, Is our workers working?

Push the goddamn button

You like my hat? Karl says it is a brain enhancer but I am not a detail man . . . –Veritas

I only wish I could have flown my jet and attacked those 911 terrorists! I am
sure I would have killed all of them . . . they were killed? Never mind. . . .veritas20001

Which way did he go George? Huh? Oh, Dat's right I'm George.

"Why am I the next one up on 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'?" -klaughlin

You ain't got money! Who the hell let you in here?!

You actually voted for me!? You're the first one I've met!

"How'd that go again?  Oh, yeah...vroom vroom! -savvymom

NOW can I ride the scooter?

How long do I have to wear this before you let me in the plane?

How do you change the station?
i may look dumb in this doctored pic, but not half as stupid as the people in
the usa and elsewhere who would rather that saddam be back in power. we did a
good thing, get over it commies. 
To Answer your question about why I am wearing this, well let me tell you, here
in Texas we know it is important to share history with others, let me say we
know that Saddam Hussein is no longer a threat to the world.
Since when did OSHA determine that this is necessary to ride a horse?
Sent in by GW Bush
All right Laura, put your feet in the stirrups and scoot down just a little. –Maria Andrews 

Dude, where's my war?  - escapedfetus

What. Me worry ?

"Now Where the heck did I park that Plane?... Condi said it was right here and I
believe EVERYTHING Condi says." -sepaku


"Since I fell off the Segway, my Mom makes me wear this thing.  I'm just glad she
didn't take away my decoder belt buckle!" -Elaine Saaunders, Watertown MA

I am your Texas God and Conquer -- commit and submit or become Flame Bait for I
will viciously attack and destroy! Jack