Wednesday edition - May 10, 2006

www.internetweekly.org

• Iraq Body Count

• Gunmen kill 11 employees at Iraq electric company  CNN International

• 17 Dead, 35 Hurt in Iraq Suicide Attack AP

• 5 Escape From U.S. Prison in Iraq AP

• Cut Bush defense, foreign aid plan: panel Reuters

• Albright Suggests Direct Talks With Iran Washington Post
   

Katherine Harris Hears Voices in Her Head

Katherine Harris looks to God while awaiting the arrival of  George W. Bush.

U.S. Rep. Adam Putnam, R-Bartow , FL, and Jeb Bush are just laughing at her,

no further details available at this time.

Ms. Harris's troubles started not long after President Bush was elected. In 2001, as Florida's secretary of state, she raised eyebrows by encouraging agriculture officials to study "Celestial Drops," a product promoted by a New York rabbi as a cure for citrus-canker disease. In a test, the drops turned out to be useless.

In 2004, two years after winning a seat in Congress, Ms. Harris gave a speech describing a foiled terrorist plot to attack Carmel, Ind. Local officials later said there was no foiled terrorist plot. Ms. Harris said she'd heard about it secondhand....In private, Mr. Rollins recalls Ms. Harris saying God told her to stay in the race -- God wanted her to be a senator
 

A furor erupted Tuesday over Housing Secretary Alphonso Jackson's recent suggestion that Bush critics should forget about winning government contracts.

After Democrats demanded an investigation into violations of federal procurement law and accused the administration of playing favorites, a Jackson spokeswoman said he'd made up a story about a would-be contractor who was rejected after saying he didn't like President Bush.

"It's not a true story. It's a made-up story," said Jackson spokeswoman Dustee Tucker, adding that he was only trying to make a point about how Washington works.
 

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an Atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude, more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

Subject: Dubai "What, me worry?"


Lisa,

in reference to your comment on the Tuesday, May 9, 2006 edition of
AHNC,...

"So, the United Arab Emirates is going to make our military parts -- I
hope the instructions will be in English."

It would seem to me that there's really nothing to worry about. Our
military gets most of it's critical supplies from EBAY anyway.

A second cousin of George W. Bush cools off by eating a popsicle during a heat wave in Lahore, Pakistan. (Photo by Arif Ali)