Sometimes you have to ask yourself if something is genuine or whether the keen minds behind The Onion have managed to hack reality.
So, Mister President, the best thing your campaign has going for you isn’t you. It’s the Republicans. The angry, aggressively conservative base of their party scares the living hell out of every voting block you need to win. And, gay sex…gay sex is the thing that really makes the door in their foreheads open and the cuckoo bird pop out. – Bill Maher
The World-Is-a-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
- Bomb blasts at bird market in Baghdad kill 5
- Rockets kill 2 NATO troops, 3 Afghan civilians
- Netanyahu says Iran aims to deceive in atomic talks
Obama Did Ban Torture, Didn’t Close Guantanamo
Two of Obama’s first official acts as president were to sign executive orders banning “enhanced interrogation techniques” that had been used on terrorism suspects and pledging to close the Guantánamo Bay military prison within one year. Almost immediately, however, Congress began passing bipartisan laws barring the transfer of Guantánamo detainees and the building of prisons on U.S. soil to house them.
- Mitt Romney’s ‘Day One’ Plans Start Airing Today
- Mitt Romney vows immediate approval of Keystone XL on first day in White House
- Billionaire won’t air Obama-Wright campaign ads
- Tim Pawlenty now mum on VP prospects
- Mitch Daniels dismisses Romney veep talk: ‘It won’t happen’
- Boehner Challenges Obama on Debt Limit, Enjoys Sandwich at White House Lunch
- Abortion Ban Proposed For D.C. Sparks Fierce Debate In Congress
Hate Pays Well in the USA
The conventional wisdom: Fiery cable news host goes off the rails, loses his highly influential platform, and is forever forgotten to history,” says Dylan Byers at Politico. But that doesn’t appear to be the case for Glenn Beck, who left Fox News in 2011 amid declining ratings and fleeing advertisers. Forbes has named Beck the 23rd-most powerful celebrity in America, and claims he makes $80 million a year, which means he’s much richer than Tom Cruise, Donald Trump, and Rush Limbaugh, his rival for conservative hearts and minds.
“A new poll found that Mitt Romney is actually ahead of President Obama among female voters. That explains Obama’s new slogan, ‘I’m Barack Obama, and I loved ’50 Shades of Grey.’” –Jimmy Fallon
Rock the Voter
- Joe Biden Lays Into Romney, GOP: ‘They Don’t Get Who We Are!’
- Did 1991 mistake spark ‘birther’ issue?
- Former VP Al Gore has a girlfriend
- Bill Clinton Abandons Old Ally Charlie Rangel
- John Edwards facing toughest vote of his life
“Here in New York City, they have a law now that if you’re a police officer and you see somebody who looks suspicious, you can stop them and frisk them. And I thought, ‘Well, now wait a minute, in New York City, everybody looks suspicious!’” –David Letterman
House Wants to Continue War in Afghanistan
The House endorsed the continued war in Afghanistan on Thursday despite acknowledgment from Republicans and Democrats that the American people are war-weary after more than a decade of conflict.
- Oil down near $107 on Greek exit fears
- Unemployment rates fall in two-thirds of US states
- Europe thinks the unthinkable on Greece
- China cries foul after U.S. sets tariffs on solar imports
- JPMorgan Trading Loss Throws Republican Lawmakers Off Balance
“The Justice Department has launched a probe into JPMorgan’s $2.3 billion loss. I believe it’s called ‘Operation wink, nod, and look the other way.’” –Jay Leno
Today is Friday, May 18, the 139th day of 2012.
There are 227 days left in the year.
Today’s Highlight in History:
On May 18, 1926, evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while visiting a beach in Venice, Calif. (McPherson reappeared more than a month later, saying she’d escaped after being kidnapped and held for ransom, an account that was greeted with skepticism in some quarters.)
On this date:
In 1012, Theophylact, son of Gregory, Count of Tusculum, became Pope Benedict VIII, succeeding Pope Sergius IV.
In 1642, the Canadian city of Montreal was founded by French colonists.
In 1765, about one-fourth of Montreal was destroyed by a fire.
In 1896, the Supreme Court, in Plessy v. Ferguson, endorsed “separate but equal” racial segregation, a concept renounced 58 years later in Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka.
In 1910, Halley’s Comet passed by earth, brushing it with its tail.
In 1912, singer Perry Como was born in Canonsburg, Pa.; movie writer-director Richard Brooks (“Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”; “Elmer Gantry”; “In Cold Blood”) was born in Philadelphia.
In 1933, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure creating the Tennessee Valley Authority.
In 1953, Jacqueline Cochran became the first woman to break the sound barrier as she piloted a Canadair F-86 Sabre jet over Rogers Dry Lake, Calif.
In 1969, astronauts Eugene A. Cernan, Thomas P. Stafford and John W. Young blasted off aboard Apollo 10 on a mission to orbit the moon.
In 1980, the Mount St. Helens volcano in Washington state exploded, leaving 57 people dead or missing.
In 1982, a jury in New York City convicted the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, founder and leader of the Unification Church, of tax evasion and conspiracy. (Moon served 13 months in prison.)
In 1991, Helen Sharman became the first Briton to rocket into space as she flew aboard a Soviet Soyuz spacecraft with two cosmonauts on an eight-day mission to the Mir space station.
Ten years ago: India and Pakistan exchanged fire across their shared border, renewing fears the countries were on the brink of another war over the Himalayan region of Kashmir. War Emblem won the Preakness Stakes, setting up a shot at the Triple Crown. (However, War Emblem came up short at the Belmont Stakes, which was won by long shot Sarava.)
Five years ago: The White House and Congress failed to strike a deal after exchanging competing offers on an Iraq war spending bill that Democrats said should set a date for U.S. troops to leave. France’s new president, Nicolas Sarkozy (sahr-koh-ZEE’), named a radically revamped cabinet which included seven women among its 15 members.
One year ago: Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the managing director of the International Monetary Fund, resigned, saying he wanted to devote all his energy to battling the sexual assault charges he faced in New York. (The charges were later dropped.) The United States slapped sanctions on Syrian President Bashar Assad and six others for human rights abuses over their brutal crackdown on anti-government protests, for the first time personally penalizing the Syrian leader for the actions of his security forces.
So even though they stumbled into it, kudos to Joe and Barry for finally saying out loud what we’ve always known they believed: that what two men do behind closed doors is between them and airport security. – Bill Maher
I am not above flirting for donations
Offline donation: Lisa Casey ~ PO Box 88 ~ Ashford, AL 36312
- Larry King says talk show to resume this summer
- U.S. implements new rules to prevent prison rape
- Spooked horse swims two miles offshore
- Missing man found alive in woods a week after car crash
- Kentucky man buys Kmart inventory, gives it all away
- Kindergarten Teacher Earns $700,000 by Selling Lesson Plans Online