January 25, 2001

President-select Bush declares his 

Twenty Commandments be hung in 

every public and private building

Bush reminds America that Jesus is his 

favorite political philosopher

1.                        Thou shall believe that the nation’s current 8-year run of prosperity was due to Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that today’s oil prices are Clinton’s fault.

2.                        Thou shall be against government programs, but demand Social Security checks on time.

3.                        Thou shall believe that government should stay out of people’s lives,   EXCEPT when regulating what women do with their bodies, opposing gay  marriages and blocking the vote count in Florida.

4.                        Thou shall believe that pollution is OK, if it makes a profit.

5.                        Thou shall believe in prayer in public schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha.

6.                        Thou shall believe that YOUR teenagers are still virgins, and that keeping condoms from teens will prevent them from having sex.

7.                        Thou shall believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that corporations can make ANY decision affecting all of mankind.

8.                        Thou shall believe that Jesus loves ONLY right wing Christians and shares militant Fundamentalist hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, Jews, Democrats, supporters of Jesse Jackson, and Bill and Hillary Clinton.

9.                        Thou shall believe that society is colorblind, yet vote only for rich white Republicans. Be nice but aloof to black or Latino Republicans because you need their votes.

10.                    Thou shall believe that Ken Starr was wise to spend $50 million dollars to investigate Bill Clinton’s sex life because NO other President has ever been unfaithful to his wife. Besides, that was all Starr could get on Clinton.

11.                    Thou shall believe that waiting periods for buying handguns are bad because quick access to a brand new firearm is necessary for the public safety.

12.                    Thou shall believe that the ACLU is bad because it defends the Constitution, but the NRA is good because it defends the Constitution.

13.                    Thou shall believe that socialism has never worked. Hence, Europe does not exist.

14.                    Thou shall believe that teachers are corrupting the morals of our children by  teaching sex education. But the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.

15.                    Thou shall believe school vouchers are good so we can send our kids to    right wing Christian schools and rich people can get their property taxes reduced to offset the cost of their children's private school tuition.

16.                    Thou shall believe that government should not support the Arts, and forget that for 5000 years great cultures supported the arts in China, Egypt and  Renaissance Europe. After all, rich people can buy their own art and poor people don’t need art.

17.                    Thou shall believe that lumber from the last 1 percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction and the extinction of the flora and fauna therein.

18.                    Thou shall forgive Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, Bob Livingston, and Dan Burton for their sexual escapades. But that bastard Clinton deserved to be impeached.

19.                    Thou shall believe that a compassionate conservative is not an oxymoron.

20.                    Thou shall believe that George W. Bush does not butcher the English language.