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Tuesday edition - September 30, 2008
"Is the
sky really falling, or are they just trying to convince us? You know, Bush went
on TV -- he's always a guy who inspires confidence -- Wednesday night, and he
said, quote, 'America could slip into a financial panic. The economy is in great
danger.' And he held a flashlight under his chin." --Bill Maher
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
"President
Bush spoke about the Wall Street bailout yesterday, and he said, this is the
quote, 'if the money isn't loosened up, this sucker could go down.' So folks, if
we know nothing else at this point, at least we know that President Bush is
writing his own speeches." --Conan O'Brien
Pirate Update
There has been a shoot-out
between Somali pirates on a hijacked cargo ship loaded with 33 tanks, the East
African Seafarers' Association says.
Disturbing News
Recruiter Suicides
An alarming number of suicides among Houston-based Army recruiters -- including two in recent weeks -- has prompted calls by a senator and veterans' advocates for closer scrutiny of high-stress recruiting duty during wartime.
"Now the political season is affecting Halloween. It's even affecting Halloween in this country. Just read this, one of the most popular Halloween masks this year is the Sarah Palin mask. Yeah, remember this, kids. If you dress up as Sarah Palin, you're not allowed to talk to anyone who is dressed up as a reporter. Stay clear of them." --Conan O'Brien
Republican-Shenanigans News
"A farmer in Ohio has carved a corn maze in his field in the likeness of Sarah Palin. The way it works? You you enter and suddenly realize you're way over your head." --Amy Poehler
Gotcha Journalism?
Gov. Sarah Palin said Monday that her comment about attacking terrorist targets in Pakistan, which appeared to contradict the position of GOP presidential nominee John McCain, was a response to a "gotcha" question from a voter...McCain, who sat with Palin, said in Monday's interview that he understands "the day and age of 'gotcha' journalism.
Sarah Palin OWNED
by Jack Cafferty
Rock-The-Voter News
"The three presidential debates, I was not aware of this, will be held in three different states. Mississippi, New York and Tennessee. And fortunately, John McCain has a home in each one. So that's good." --David Letterman
Biz-Tech News
The Good News Is The 777 Point Drop in the Stock Market Is Not The Worst Ever!
Even before the opening
bell, Monday looked ugly.
Bush Gives Another Speech
President Bush, seeking to
send a signal of resolve to Wall Street and near-emergency to Congress, said
today the nation's economy was facing a "critical moment" and that without a
legislative rescue "the consequences will grow worse each day."
"But the
good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being
robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less banks. B, the banks don't have any money
left. And C, nobody's got gas money for the getaway car. So, right there, crime
is down!" --Jay Leno Bush-Prison-Torture News
"The U.S. Mint announced this week they are redesigning the penny. Have you seen it? It looks exactly like the old dollar."- Jay Leno
Go-F**k-Yourself News
Icy snow falls from high in
Mars's atmosphere and may even reach the planet's surface, scientists working
with NASA's Phoenix lander reported yesterday.
I hope you had a good time today!
Please support All Hat No Cattle Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312
Odd News
This picture shows a baobab fruit split open to show the pulp and seeds. Its fruit has a tart, zesty taste - some say like sherbet. It's highly nutritious, and might be imbued with the souls of dead chieftains. If you live in Europe, it could be headed to a smoothie near you. The baobab tree - thick-trunked icon of the African bush - does not look appetizing. But European firms may soon be using the pulp of its fruit as a flavoring for cereal bars or drinks, after it won European Commission approval as a novel food. Photo/PhytoTrade Africa
Peace.
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