Monday edition - September 28, 2009


New Cheney Taking Stage for the GOP
New York Times - 9-28-09‎
“We can't win if we don't fight,” Ms. Cheney said, noting that she was taught that lesson years before “by a great American, my dad, Dick Cheney.”


More school: Obama would curtail summer vacation
AP – 9-28-09
WASHINGTON - Students beware: The summer vacation you just enjoyed could be sharply curtailed if President Barack Obama gets his way.

Bill Clinton Echoes 'Right-Wing Conspiracy' Theme
New York Times - 9-28-09
Mr. Clinton was also asked if he worried that 2010 might see a repeat of the mid-term elections in 1994 that ended with Republicans taking control of the


"President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd like to encourage you to do some shopping while you're here.' I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming." --Conan O'Brien




The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam


"Federal authorities have issued a flurry of bulletins warning that sports stadiums, entertainment complexes, hotels, motels, apartment buildings, and transit systems could be targets of terrorist attacks. Well thanks for narrowing it down." --Jay Leno


South Carolina Gone Wild


A candidate to be South Carolina's next National Guard leader skipped the fiery speeches for firepower, launching his campaign with what he called a "machine-gun social."

Attendees paid $25 for barbecue, a clip of bullets for target practice and the chance to win a semiautomatic AK-47. Whoever wins the rifle will have to undergo a background check.




Disturbing News


Reaching across the aisle to Republicans is like trying to persuade Ahmadinejad that the Holocaust really did happen. - Grant Gerver,




Republican-Shenanigans News


"Sarah Palin gave a speech to a conference of investors in Hong Kong yesterday morning. Then she spent the afternoon shooting pandas from a helicopter." --Jay Leno

GOP + Insult = $


The Republican Party is using the newfound fame of the lawmaker who shouted "You lie!" at President Barack Obama to raise money for GOP candidates around the country.

Although party leaders initially called Rep. Joe Wilson's presidential insult disrespectful and unacceptable, fundraisers have apparently decided his outburst can be an asset.



Rock-The-Voter News

Walmart: America's New Image



Nearly half of the respondents chose Wal-Mart as the institution that best symbolizes America today, leaving in the dust runners-up Google, Microsoft, the NFL, and the banking and securities firm Goldman Sachs.



"And yesterday at the United Nations, President Barack Obama told the world, 'Don't expect America to fix all your problems.' Hey, hey, what happened to 'Yes we can?'" --Jay Leno


Biz-Tech News


"And according to the latest rumors, the former CEO of eBay, Meg Whitman, about to announce she is running for governor of California. See, that shows you how bad the economy is getting here in California. Now we're just another piece of crap on eBay." --Jay Leno



Bush-Prison-Torture News


"Did you hear President Obama's speech about nuclear proliferation? It was impressive. It's nice to have a president who can pronounce nuclear, isn't it?" --David Letterman




Go-F**k-Yourself News


"Health officials are now saying that the swine flu could be spread at college keg parties. They say if you attend a keg party and come home feeling numb and vomiting profusely, you're probably fine." --Conan O'Brien




The John Phillips/Mamas & The Papas' song "I Saw Her Again Last Night" suddenly takes on a horrific new meaning. - Grant Gerver,





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Odd News

To Help You Deflate Photo



A baby gibbon is held by its mother in Vienna's Schoenbrunn zoo September 25, 2009. The gibbon, born on Wednesday weighing between 300 - 400g, has yet to be sexed and named.
Photo/Zoo Vienna/Daniel Zupanc





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