Monday edition - September 28, 2009
Cheney Taking Stage for the GOP
More school: Obama would curtail summer vacation
Bill Clinton Echoes 'Right-Wing Conspiracy' Theme
"President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd like to encourage you to do some shopping while you're here.' I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming." --Conan O'Brien
Iraq minibus bomb kills six Washington Post
"Federal authorities have issued a flurry of bulletins warning that sports stadiums, entertainment complexes, hotels, motels, apartment buildings, and transit systems could be targets of terrorist attacks. Well thanks for narrowing it down." --Jay Leno
South Carolina Gone Wild
A candidate to be South Carolina's next National Guard leader skipped the fiery speeches for firepower, launching his campaign with what he called a "machine-gun social."
Attendees paid $25 for barbecue, a clip of bullets for target practice and the chance to win a semiautomatic AK-47. Whoever wins the rifle will have to undergo a background check.
Reaching across the aisle to Republicans is like trying to persuade Ahmadinejad that the Holocaust really did happen. - Grant Gerver, www.seriouskidding.com
Palin gave a speech to a conference of investors in Hong Kong yesterday morning.
Then she spent the afternoon shooting pandas from a helicopter." --Jay Leno
GOP + Insult = $
Party is using the newfound fame of the lawmaker who shouted "You lie!" at
President Barack Obama to raise money for GOP candidates around the country.
Although party leaders initially called Rep. Joe Wilson's presidential insult disrespectful and unacceptable, fundraisers have apparently decided his outburst can be an asset.
Walmart: America's New Image
Nearly half of the respondents chose Wal-Mart as the institution that best symbolizes America today, leaving in the dust runners-up Google, Microsoft, the NFL, and the banking and securities firm Goldman Sachs.
yesterday at the United Nations, President Barack Obama told the world, 'Don't
expect America to fix all your problems.' Hey, hey, what happened to 'Yes we
can?'" --Jay Leno
according to the latest rumors, the former CEO of eBay, Meg Whitman, about to
announce she is running for governor of California. See, that shows you how bad
the economy is getting here in California. Now we're just another piece of crap
on eBay." --Jay Leno
Gates: Closing Guantanamo prison 'more complicated' CNN International
"Did you hear President Obama's speech about nuclear proliferation? It was impressive. It's nice to have a president who can pronounce nuclear, isn't it?" --David Letterman
Dick Cheney visits Adirondacks North Country Public Radio
officials are now saying that the swine flu could be spread at college keg
parties. They say if you attend a keg party and come home feeling numb and
vomiting profusely, you're probably fine." --Conan O'Brien
The John Phillips/Mamas & The Papas' song "I Saw Her Again Last Night" suddenly takes on a horrific new meaning. - Grant Gerver, www.seriouskidding.com
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If you can, please support All Hat No Cattle
Thank you Jonathan, Z-Mac, BJ and Linda!
Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312
To Help You Deflate Photo
A baby gibbon
is held by its mother in Vienna's Schoenbrunn zoo September 25, 2009. The
gibbon, born on Wednesday weighing between 300 - 400g, has yet to be sexed and
Photo/Zoo Vienna/Daniel Zupanc