"So two years ago America broke up with you, because you had badly mistreated her. ... And you come back rapping on our door, hat in hand, and you say, 'Baby, I know you love me. But if we get back together, I pledge to you, I promise you, I will still try to f*ck your sister every chance I get.'" –Jon Stewart, on the GOP's new "Pledge to America"

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• Hearing begins in alleged plot to murder Afghans

• Silenced slayings on the rise in Iraq

• Former Gaza settlers moving into desert community

• DOD oversees destruction of classified war memoir

Back In Iraq?

Iraq's foreign minister urged the United States on Monday to take a more active role in breaking the deadlock over formation of a new government, saying the nearly seven-month election stalemate has not only left the country in limbo but hurt its economy

Unveiling their Pledge to America, the GOP called for Democrats to work with them. And give them credit. Not a single one laughed.- Will Durst

 

Disturbing News

• Report: 10 states sell half of imported crime guns

"Last night on Fox News, Sarah Palin said she would run for President, if nobody else steps up. Which explains why today, nearly every person in the country announced they were running for President." –Jimmy Fallon

 

Beam Me Up, Scotty

Aliens have deactivated British and US nuclear missiles, say US military pilots.

The beings have repeated their efforts in the US and have been active since 1948, the men said, and accused the respective governments of trying to keep the information secret.

Republican-Shenanigans News

• Silent Christine O'Donnell has rough weekend

• Fla. GOP donors appeal ruling on Crist refunds

• AP Interview: Paladino says his style won't change

• McCain emphasizes border security during debate

• Republican Boehner says settle tax issue now

The head of CNN was fired, as CNN’s ratings have been going down because they keep reporting . . . news. - Jimmy Kimmel

 

Taliban Dan

Central Florida’s heated House race between incumbent Democrat Alan Grayson and his Republican challenger Dan Webster is in the news again as Grayson, apparently as part of a more aggressive Democratic advertising strategy, released his own ad this weekend labeling his opponent “Taliban Dan.”
The ad, which claims that “religious fanatics are trying to take away our freedom, in Afghanistan, in Iran and right here in central Florida,” replays clips of Webster endorsing fundamentalist views on women’s submission when he spoke at a conference sponsored by Bill Gothard’s Institute for Biblical Life Principles (IBLP):
 

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Also visit John's official campaign website www.givecongressheck.com 

David Letterman's "Top Ten Secrets Revealed In The New Bob Woodward Book"

10. Thoughtfully-written foreword by Osama Bin Laden.
9. In White House cafeteria, Wednesday is Taco Night.
8. Work comes to a halt during "Jersey Shore."
7. Joe Biden can fit 11 golf balls in his mouth.
6. Includes 20 pages of Woodward's favorite pit barbecue recipes.
5. Obama keeps staffers in line by constantly threatening to call Mavrikakis.
4. The CIA knew the Joaquin Phoenix thing was fake.
3. White House is haunted by the ghost of Dick Cheney.
2. Administration considered combining Iraq and Afghanistan into one big unmanageable country called "Iraqnifstan."
1. America loves dancing alpacas

 

Rock-The-Voter News

• Obama administration fights for stem cell funding

• Obama presses for longer school years
   

http://www.witchesforchristine.com/

President Obama's approval rating dropped again. Things are so bad, Muslims are accusing him of being Christian. - Jay Leno

 

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil settles slightly higher

• Oil gusher is dead, but not residents' anguish

• Obama signs $30B small business lending bill

• Fixed-Income Desks Prepare for Bloodbath

• 10 signs the U.S. is losing influence in the Western Hemisphere

• New bill would make Internet wiretaps easier

Forbes has come out with its list of the richest 400 people in America. No. 1 was Bill Gates. No. 2 was Tiger Woods' wife. - Jay Leno

 

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• PROMISES, PROMISES: Waiting for Abu Ghraib amends
   

Bristol Palin has denied rumors that she’s dating The Situation from “Jersey Shore.” If The Situation becomes Sarah Palin’s son-in-law, he’d still have the most normal name of any boy in the family. - Jimmy Fallon

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Bullet-proof tweed – the ideal gift for Dick Cheney's hunting partners

Fall Fundraiser

Over halfway there!

Thank you Clay and John!