Mississippi better buy more condoms and less Ding Dongs.
 

"Well, listen to this. Here's some good terrorist gossip. According to a Sudanese novelist who once lived with Osama bin Laden for four months, Osama bin Laden is a huge Whitney Houston fan which is surprising. I mean, considering the way those people treat women, you'd think he'd be a bigger Bobby Brown fan." --Jay Leno

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• Military and civilian deaths in Iraq

• Bombs kill Canadian, US troops in Afghanistan

• Official: Suicide bomb kills 25 in NW Pakistan

• The KBR/Halliburton Iraq Rape Case Goes Forward Houston Press

• U.S., British generals lay out complex Afghan picture Reuters

• Iran reformist attacked; Ahmadinejad slams Israel AP

• North Korea's nuclear vows fail to sway skeptics Reuters

• China rejects US criticism of its military AP

Slipper Thrower Shot

American Marines shot and wounded an Iraqi man in the former flash point city of Fallujah believing he was throwing a grenade at them, the U.S. military said Thursday — but local police and witnesses said the object was only the man's slipper.

"Osama bin Laden has released yet another new audiotape. See, they're audiotapes. I don't think he quite gets the Twitter thing. He can't — he doesn't have the opposable thumb, I guess." --Jay Leno
 

Disturbing News

• Gov't stands by as mercury taints water AP

• Police focus on Yale murder suspect's attitude

• Ill. woman dies after catching fire during surgery

No Protection For Journalists

A bill to give journalists a limited right to protect confidential sources from disclosure was sidetracked Thursday, after senators from both parties said the current version could damage national security.

"In Connecticut — this is weird — one of the Republican candidates running for Congress is the former CEO of the W.W.E. wrestling organization, which could be good. Congressmen will be less likely to scream out, 'You lie!' if they could get hit with a folding chair." --Conan O'Brien
 

Republican-Shenanigans News

• GOP head calls co-ops 'backdoor' to public option

• GOP seeks Afghan war info, Gates urges patience AP

• More fights ahead in Congress over health care AP

Values Voters Summit

Nearly 2,000 social conservative activists from 49 states gather for a Values Voters Summit in Washington Friday and Saturday, but movement favorites former Gov. Sarah Palin and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich will not be addressing the throng.

Beauty queen Carrie Prejean - whose defense of California's referendum against gay marriage cost her the Miss USA crown earlier this year - will be a featured speaker, but a planned 2012 presidential straw poll lost a bit of luster after conservative Texas GOP Gov. Rick Perry took his name off the mock ballot for summit participants.

"Wait, have you heard about this? Oh, I love this. They have new House rules saying members of Congress cannot call the President a liar. They cannot call him a hypocrite. They cannot say he is dishonest. Today, President Bush said, 'Hey, where were these rules when I was President?'" --Jay Leno
 

Rock-The-Voter News

• The Baucus Plan: A Winner's Curse for Insurance Companies New York Times

• Democrats Run Away From ACORN CQ Politics

"I've always been a Republican for the traditional principles that have been associated with the Republican party since I became a Republican, when I registered to vote. And that is limited government, individual opportunities, fiscal responsibility, and a strong national defense. So I think those principles have always been a part of the Republican party heritage. And I believe that I reflect those views and I haven't changed as a Republican. I think more that my party has changed."- Senator Olympia Snowe

Cuba/USA Mail?

 U.S. and Cuban officials met on Thursday to discuss the possibility of resuming long-suspended direct mail service in a first round of talks that Cuba described as "broad and useful."

"Hey, if they start banning hypocrites and liars from the floor of Congress, there won't be anybody in the building." --Jay Leno
 

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil below $72 on concerns demand recovery slow AP

• Ex-Morgan Stanley banker jailed for 7 years in HK AP

• Cuba hopes green tourism can keep it in the black AP

• Variety trade newspaper to charge for online site AP

• Even Miss Venezuela can't escape economic crisis Reuters

• Wis. paper faces backlash for outing Web critic Reuters

 Swine Flu

Airline employees who report to work ill are more likely than sick passengers to spread infections such as the H1N1 swine flu virus aboard airplanes, with low-paid workers posing the greatest danger, a U.S. government expert said on Thursday.

'Yesterday, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said it is 'very likely' that the recession is over. I hope this isn't like when President Bush told us the war in Iraq was over.' –Jimmy Kimmel
 

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• US judge orders Kuwaiti held at Guantanamo freed Reuters

The Tea Party Express is aiming for a billion-person turnout. Thanks to Photoshop, I'm sure they'll get it. - Grant Gerver, www.seriouskidding.com

The New Gitmo

Now it looks as if Congress is trying to derail health care reform on a bipartisan basis. So nice to see them working together. – Will Durst

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Cheney undergoes elective back surgery AP

Actually, priests in the Catholic Church don't take a vow of poverty, they saved that for the nuns.

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