Wednesday edition - August 5, 2009



Clinton secures release of American reporters
Belfast Telegraph - ‎8-5-09
Former US President Bill Clinton has secured the release of two American reporters sentenced to 12 years' hard labour in North Korea


Palin's use of private e-mail subject of hearing
The Associated Press - 8-5-09
Sarah Palin wants a judge to order the governor's office to use only government e-mail accounts to conduct state business - not private e-mails as the Palin

Clinton May Pave Way for Talks With Spotlight on Kim
Bloomberg - 8-5-09‎
Aug. 5 (Bloomberg) -- Bill Clinton's trip to Pyongyang to free two US journalists has given his host, Kim Jong Il, a moment in the global spotlight that may help open a path for a return to talks over North Korea's illicit


Could you imagine George W securing the release of those two female journalists?



The man who wrote many of the speeches for President George W. Bush is now working on his memoirs. True story. The book will be called “Me Do Bad Job.”- Conan O'Brien




The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

The Russians Are Coming Here! The Russians Are Coming Here!


Two nuclear-powered Russian attack submarines have been patrolling in international waters off the East Coast for several days, in activity reminiscent of the Cold War, defense officials said Tuesday.

U.S. Northern Command would not comment on the Russian submarines' movement. But in a prepared statement, Northern Command spokesman Michael Kucharek acknowledged the patrols and said the U.S. has been monitoring the two submarines.




"Only 42% of Republicans believe Obama was born in the United States. That's an amazing statistic. How come in America, Christians are the ones who won't take anything on faith?" --Bill Maher





Disturbing News


Hey, there was a rumor on the Internet this weekend that Sarah Palin was getting divorced. I knew that wasn’t true, because when Sarah Palin takes an oath, she doesn’t bail. - Jimmy Fallon


GOP = Angry Mobs



The Democratic National Committee will amplify its charge that Republicans are responsible for “inciting angry mobs of a small number of rabid right wing extremists … to disrupt” town hall meetings in a new 65 second Web video that will release Wednesday morning.




Republican-Shenanigans News


‘The Washington Post is doing a big story on the 2008 John McCain campaign. And it now says after all this research that he picked Sarah Palin because of a “high risk/high reward strategy.” Apparently, it’s the same reason McCain uses Metamucil. - Conan OBrien



Waterloo Lies
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP’s spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies:
“The bill will kill gran —
Shorten seniors’ life span.”
Their goal? Cut Barack down to size.




"This is nice, though, President Obama served Professor Gates and Officer Crowley beer and pretzels. Did you know that? Pretzels. Yeah, it's the first time pretzels have been served at the White House since the time one attacked President Bush. Remember that one?" --Conan O'Brien


Rock-The-Voter News




This is actually a true story. It was in the news today. The latest slang dictionary reports that the word Obama means “cool,” as in “you are so Obama.” Also gaining popularity: the phrase “shut your Biden-hole.” - Conan OBrien


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Biz-Tech News


"Hey, at a concert in Washington, D.C., Paul McCartney dedicated the song 'Michelle' to Michelle Obama. And then, I thought this was sweet, he dedicated the song 'Taxman' to Barack." --Jimmy Fallon



Bush-Prison-Torture News


President Obama just announced he’s considering transferring prisoners from Guantanamo Bay to Michigan. The idea is to scare the prisoners into revealing information about terror plots by showing them a bus ticket to Detroit. - Conan O'Brien



Go-F**k-Yourself News


"This weekend, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin took a submarine to the bottom of Lake Baikal, the world's deepest lake. He got to see some rare exotic fish and his past political opponents." --Jimmy Fallon





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Odd News

To Help You Deflate Photo



Used cars are seen in a dumpster to draw attention to the 'Cash for Clunkers' program at Performance Chevrolet in Sacramento, Calif., Saturday, Aug. 1, 2009. On Friday Congress approved an additional $2 billion for the program that provides $3,500 or $4,500 credits to buyers who trade in older, gas guzzling vehicles for more fuel-efficient new cars.
Photo/Rich Pedroncelli





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