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Tuesday edition - August 5, 2008
"Some good unemployment news, President Bush will be out of work soon." --Jimmy Kimmel
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
Anthrax Update: Federal Bureau of Intimidation
One former colleague, Dr. W.
Russell Byrne, said the [FBI] agents pressed Dr. Ivins’s daughter repeatedly to
acknowledge that her father was involved in the attacks.
"Yesterday, President Bush announced there are going to be some big changes in intelligence in the White House. Yeah, he's leaving." --Jay Leno
Disturbing News
CIA Leaker Update
Conservative columnist and former CNN host Robert Novak said Monday that he will retire immediately to focus on treatment of a malignant brain tumor.
"Well listen, Barack Obama accused Republicans of trying to make others fear him, because, and I quote, he 'doesn't look like the other presidents on the dollar bill.' So the choice is, do you want to elect a guy who doesn't look like the president on the dollar bill, or do you want to elect a guy who looks older than the president on the dollar bill?" --Jay Leno
Republican-Shenanigans News
Guess Where The Second Largest US Embassy Is?
A massive new U.S. Embassy, the second-largest in the world after the heavily fortified compound in Baghdad, formally opens in the Chinese capital [Beijing] this week, a testament to the depth and breadth of the ties binding the trading partners and sometimes rivals.
"And as you know, the McCain campaign is running that commercial where they're comparing Barack Obama to various Hollywood celebrities. And as you know, if there's one thing the Republicans will not stand for, it's electing some Hollywood celebrity to public office. Except for Ronald Reagan, Fred Thompson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood -- you know, except for those." --Jay Leno
Rock-The-Voter News
"John McCain's daughter announced she's writing a children's book based on her father's life. I think that's very nice, yeah. The children's book is called 'James and the Giant Prostate.'" --Conan O'Brien
Biz-Tech News
Wal-Mart denied a report Friday that it had pressured employees to vote against Democrats. They said the report was categorically untrue, and besides, most of their employees are ineligible to vote anyway. - Laugh Lines
Deport Thyself
The United States began a pilot program on Tuesday that allows some illegal immigrants to come forward and schedule their own deportation, after criticism that stepped-up raids cause traumatic family splits.
"In a new report by the Center for Immigration Studies, researchers report that the number of illegal immigrants in the U.S. is down by 11 percent, and a lot of them are returning home. See, that’s when you know the economy is bad, when illegal immigrants are fleeing to Mexico for a better way of life!" --Jay Leno
Bush-Prison-Torture News
Go-F**k-Yourself News
"But I
think the U.S. is going to do well, particularly in swimming, I think we have a
very strong swimming time this year for the Olympics, yeah, that's right. Dick
Cheney in particular looks great in the freestyle waterboarding." --David
Letterman
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Please help keep All Hat No Cattle online Offline Donation Lisa Casey PO Box 88 Ashford. AL 36312 Click here to e-mail a comment Odd News
British cyclist Rebecca Romero sits on her bicycle naked during a photo-shoot. Triple jumper Phillips Idowu, cyclist Romero and swimmer Gregor Tait have all been photographed taking part in their individual sports stark naked as part of an advertising campaign for a sports drink. Photo/ Nadav Kander
Peace.
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