TGIF/Labor Day edition - August 29 to September 1, 2008





McCain picks Alaska Gov. Palin as running mate
CNN International - 8-29-08
(CNN) -- Sen. John McCain has picked Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, a senior McCain campaign official told CNN on Friday. Alaska Gov.


Obama draws parallels to Martin Luther King Jr.
Chicago Sun-Times - 8-29-08
DENVER -- Embarking on the final leg of his historic presidential run, Barack Obama on Thursday invoked the promise of Martin Luther King in a pledge to end "the broken politics in Washington and the

Obama vows to keep 'American promise alive'
Houston Chronicle, United States -8-29-08
DENVER — Barack Obama accepted the Democratic presidential nomination on Thursday night with a scathing assessment of John...


Damn, smart move by McCain. In a nanosecond the excitement about Obama's speech disappeared from the headlines.



"And Barack Obama will give his big speech at Invesco Field, a football stadium, which is appropriate, considering how many times Democrats have fumbled in the past few years." --Jay Leno




The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam


"Well, as you know, the Democratic Convention is being held this week at the Pepsi Center in Denver. Don't confuse that with John McCain's convention next week, that's at the Polygrip Center, that's totally different." --Jay Leno


McBama Agenda


John McCain and Barack Obama share common ground on a surprising selection of issues where the age-old Republican-Democratic divide doesn't cut it anymore.

Both want the United States to join the campaign against global warming in earnest. Both want to cut taxes for the middle class.

No matter who wins, the moratorium on offshore drilling could well be relaxed, yet both presidential candidates also say no dice to letting oil companies into the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, after years of Republican efforts to open it to drilling.

As much as the candidates would be loathe to admit it, circumstance and the evolution of war policy have even diminished their differences over the course in Iraq.




I want my Country BARACK. - Grant Gerver, comedy writer



Disturbing News

Meanwhile Back In Iran


Iran has 4,000 working nuclear centrifuges, an official said in remarks published on Friday, in line with a number verified by the U.N. atomic watchdog but lower than a figure cited by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.





Vetting Sarah Palin


Gov. Sarah Palin is under investigation for her firing of a state official, Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan. She has been instructed to hand over documents and recordings of telephone conversations as part of the probe, which grew out of allegations she sacked Monegan for refusing to fire her former brother-in-law from the state police.

Palin acknowledged that a member of her staff made a call to a trooper in which the staffer suggested he was speaking for the governor.



The first political pesticide has hit the shelves just in time: "Neocon-Be-Gone!" - Grant Gerver, comedy writer










Republican-Shenanigans News


"And eighty-four year-old Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens won his Senate primary yesterday despite being indicted on corruption charges. He was indicted on corruption charges and he won the primary. He says he wants to get back in the Senate so he can keep working on the new issue most important to him: outlawing prison rape. Yeah, for some reason that's his new issue." --Jay Leno






John McCain's healthcare plan, by his campaign's own admission, doesn't even try to extend coverage to every American without insurance. We're starting to get a better sense as to why this is.

Rock-The-Voter News


Jack Abramoff Update


It used to be, when Jack Abramoff needed something, he had an address book full of powerful Capitol Hill contacts to call on, people he plied with expensive meals, campaign contributions and golf junkets.

Now that the disgraced lobbyist is asking people to stand by his side while he seeks a reduction in his prison sentence...



"During the Democratic convention, this is true, delegates are being warned this year not to drink too much. They're being told not to drink too much, yeah. Yeah when asked why, Democratic officials said the last time we got drunk at a convention, we ended up nominating Walter Mondale." --Conan O'Brien




Cindy McCain's Family Values


Cindy McCain's half sister is planning on voting for Barack Obama, she tells"I'm not voting for McCain," Kathleen Hensley Portalski tells Us....Portalski's son Nathan, a 45-year-old aerospace machinist, is also backing Obama.

"I wouldn't vote for John McCain if he was a Democrat," he tells Us. "I would not vote at all before I'd vote for him.

"I question whether Cindy is someone I'd want to see in the White House as first lady," he adds.


Biz-Tech News


"Barack Obama's freshly-minted running mate, Sen. Joe Biden, also spoke tonight, and I have to say, after all the name-related problems this campaign has had, why Obama would pick a vice president with the last name 'Biden' is beyond me. Not that there's anything wrong with the name of Biden, but Obama-Biden, it's like they're trying to make their ticket sound as much like Osama Bin Laden as possible. They found the two guys in America whose names match up most closely with the person we hate more than anyone in the world, and they put them on the bumper stickers, very good thinking." --Jimmy Kimmel





It's the Constitution, Stupid

You know, that old piece of paper the Bush administration shredded. Why is no one in Denver talking about it?


Bush-Prison-Torture News

Republican Sex Scandals Just Never End


A federal judge has been indicted on sex abuse charges, the Justice Department says.

Samuel Kent, a U.S. District Court Judge in Texas, faces one count of attempted aggravated sexual abuse and two counts of abusive sexual contact.





"Here's a little political fact. Dick Cheney is the first Vice President in eighty years not to run for president. Actually, Cheney did consider four more years, but his doctor only gave him two-and-a-half." --Jay Leno

Go-F**k-Yourself News


Email from AHNC viewers


Subject: Donations.



I wish I had some insight as to why the fundraiser is such a
disappointment this time. Could be the tragic economy. Many around me
have been losing jobs and apartments while many more have little
faith in the stability of their current job. There are two quotes
that have always inspired me when facing tough times and so I will
share them with you and anyone else who may be struggling:

"Poverty consists, not in the decrease of one's possessions, but in
the increase of one's greed." - Plato

"What you risk reveals what you value." - Jeanette Winterson

You have risked a lot in pursuing the truth and making us smile
everyday, and in doing that you have made our lives richer in
knowledge and in joy. The value of what you do cannot be measured in
dollars and no simple donation is thanks enough for your contribution
to us.

That said, you can't buy bread with love, so I hope my contribution
can help and I wish you the best of luck in keeping your site alive.
You've been our voice since the early days of Bush, speaking out
against the dangers long before most in our nation caught on, and
yours is far too important a voice to go silent.

Best wishes,


Stop it, you're making me cry.


Thank you so much Geoff. I feel it is an honor to do what I do and I am obviously not doing it for the money. When I started this website in November of 2000 my intent was to make people laugh while bringing the truth to them (then it was just a hobby). In 2003 I started to refine the formula for AHNC's current content. And was incredibly encouraged by my viewers, like you. One thing I am is loyal, a rare commodity in a Democrat these days. I only wish I was independently wealthy and didn't have to beg for money every 3 months.


The good news is AHNC coffers have increased by $700 in donations since yesterday! So I am only a little over $1000 from my goal. Maybe there is hope yet!


Lisa, there is no other place on the Internet that has your humorous content that is UPDATED FIVE DAYS a week, you are amazing. Here's $50. I wish it could be more! I need you!

Lonnie, TX


Deep curtsy.


Donate from Yurp


dear lisa,

i love your site. thank you for it. now: i do not know how to donate
something (no credit card, no idea about pay pal, living in europe...).
if there is a international bank account to which i can transfer money,
let me know (not that i have much, but 5 ¤/month or so seems


Hi Stefan,


Yurpeans don't have credit cards?


PayPal uses your checking account if you want. You transfer to PayPal then transfer to me.


Although I just got an email from some guy in Nigeria who said I have inherited millions and he wanted to deposit it in my checking acct


Thank you for writing.



So much has happened since AHNC was birthed. I'm glad I was at your site from the start. Bush stole an election in 2000, Bush handed over our spy plane to China in April 2001, My and your US congressman had a dead aide found in his office which went unreported nationwide in June 2001, 9-11, Bush/Cheney lied us into war in 2002 and then outted a CIA agent because her husband discredited them. And on and on...and you covered each and every event with great wit and grace.

Come on people DONATE. Stuff a couple of ONES into an envelope and mail it to Lisa once a month. She's at least worth that.


Joe (not Scarborough) from Pensacola


I'm glad you're not Joe Scarborough, the last time I heard from him he threatened to sue me.


Thanks Joe for your support.


 I often wonder what secrets the Chinese gathered from our spy plane we allowed to land in China instead of ditching it according to normal military procedure?




Thank you so much!


Only $1150 to go!


 Please help keep All Hat No Cattle online

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Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312


Odd News



Scarecrow football players man the line of scrimmage as scarecrow fans watch on a field Wednesday Aug. 27, 2008, Hoschton, Ga. To coincide with the town's upcoming fall festival dubbed 'scarecow stampede', Hoschton residents are trying to break the Guinness World Record for most scarecrows in one location with a goal of 4000.
Photo/John Amis