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TGIF/Weekend edition - August 21-23, 2009 |
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Ridge Cites Pressure Before 2004 Election
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As vets await checks, VA workers get $24M bonuses |
Citizens want to know if SC gov can focus on job |
Wow, Tom Ridge wrote a book admitting he rose the terror alert level because he was strong armed by the Secretary of Defense and the US Attorney General on the eve of the 2004 election? I wonder what else he is covering his butt over?
"Have you seen what's going on with these town halls? I don't want to say they're out of control. But they're starting to show them on ESPN. I haven't seen old white people this upset since they canceled 'Murder, She Wrote.'" --Bill Maher
"Do you
remember the governor of South Carolina, Governor Mark Sanford? He told everyone
he was going for a hike and in actuality he went to Argentina. Now, his wife
says -- and you can't blame her -- that she was so curious about the woman that
her husband was having the affair with down there in Argentina, that she googled
his mistress. And I thought, wait a minute, that's what got him in trouble, was
googling his mistress." --David Letterman
The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
Outsourcing Hit Men
The other shoe has dropped. CIA Director Leon Panetta, it turns out, ran up to Capitol Hill in June not simply to confess that the CIA had a secret assassination program it never implemented but rather to confess that it had subcontracted the job out.
"During his town hall meeting in New Hampshire yesterday, President Obama tried to make a point about private companies and the government providing the same services. He said UPS and FedEx are doing just fine; it's the Post Office that's always having problems. That's probably going to anger some postal workers but what's the worst that could happen?" --Jimmy Fallon
Disturbing News
"Obama said twice that the AARP supports his healthcare plan, even though the AARP hasn't endorsed it. He's probably thinking of that other senior citizens group. What's the name? Oh, yeah, Congress." --Jimmy Fallon
Republican-Shenanigans News
"And
here's some optimistic news. Kim Jong-Il now says he wants to hold face-to-face
talks with the United States. Now all North Korea needs is a big enough
stepladder." --Jimmy Fallon
People b*tch and moan about taxes and spending. They have no idea what their government spends money on. The average voter thinks foreign aid consumes 24% of our federal budget. It's actually less than one percent. A third of Republicans believe Obama is not a citizen. And a third of Democrats believe that George Bush had prior knowledge of the 9/11 attacks. Which is an ABSURD sentence, because it contains the words "Bush" and "knowledge." - Bill Maher
Rock-The-Voter News
Elizabeth Edwards Expects Paternity Test Washington Post
"These are troubled times, and we need a hero, someone unencumbered by politics as usual. Someone who could kill a moose with one hand and skin a bear with the other. Someone without a job. ... Yes! Like a ship slowly appearing over the horizon to an island of castaways, Sarah Palin has arrived with fresh food, clothing and that little box she keeps next to her bed filled with crazy." --Jon Stewart, on Palin accusing Obama of trying to create "death panels" that will kill her baby
"How about
this? Brett Favre is coming out of retirement and joining the Minnesota Vikings.
He's getting $12 million from Minnesota. Talk about cash for clunkers."-
David Letterman
Ads by Google
Biz-Tech News
Existing homes selling fast -- record fast CNNMoney.com
"Sarah Palin exposed the shocking truth about Obama's health care plan, saying that the America she knows is not one where her loved ones will 'have to stand in front of Obama's death panel so his bureaucrats can decide ... whether they are worthy of health care.' Bravo, Ms. Palin! That is the most powerful message you've written by throwing a handful of magnetic poetry against the fridge." --Stephen Colbert
"I didn't think this day would come. Squeaky Fromme tried to assassinate President General Ford. She's been let out of prison. She was paroled. Is she going to get a job? If you think about it, there aren't many jobs for unstable, gun-toting women, unless she wants to run for governor of Alaska." --David Letterman
Bush-Prison-Torture News
Detainees Said to Be Shown Photos of CIA Agents New York Times
This country is like a college chick after two Long Island ice teas. We can be talked into anything. Like wars. And we can be talked out of anything. Like healthcare. - Bill Maher
Go-F**k-Yourself News
Hmm, both Dick and his daughter, Liz have been out of the news for awhile. Coincidence? I think not! lol
"It's been
reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's
called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien
Update
My surgery/second biopsy went as planned. Results early next week. Thank you for all your emails and good wishes! It helps tremendously! I hope you enjoy today's issue and best wishes to all for a lovely weekend.
Lisa
"A company
in Michigan is trying to make Americans healthier by sending out ice cream
trucks stocked only with fruits and vegetables. It's not going so well, because
all the trucks have been turned over and burned by angry, fat kids." --Conan
O'Brien
Thank you Stefan, Paul, Mark, Arlin and Linda.
If you can, please support All Hat No Cattle
Email your comments to lisa@allhatnocattle.net
Odd News
To Help You Deflate Photo
In this image released by The Field
Museum in Chicago, shows an Egyptian limestone statue, depicting an unidentified
woman, carved during the New Kingdom Period, 1550 BC to 1050 BC. The bust has
been the focus of interest since the death of singer Michael Jackson as visitors
double-take at the eerie similarities between the 3,000-year-old statue and the
singer. Photo/The Field Museum
Peace.