August 13-15, 2004 TGIF-Weekend Edition
GOP recruiting lawyers for election fallout
Electronic Voting Still Has Many Flaws
Lakeland Ledger, FL -8-13-04
... Disputes over their security and delays in federal funding have slowed the upgrade of US voting machines, promised after the Florida vote counting debacle in ...
Voter-roll list mailed to Florida counties
The News-Press, FL 8-13-04
... said the letter came as the result of mediation from a lawsuit brought by ...
It sure is exciting living here in Florida.
"Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam." -- Jay Leno
The Large Editor - AllHatNoCattle.net
You're not in Kansas any more
All Hat No Cattle operations returned home to the Florida Panhandle this week in the nick of time.
The president-select had just blown through the ultra-conservative area that provided late and crucial support for him in the disputed 2000 election, and on his heels followed another blast of hot air named Tropical Storm Bonnie. Now, Hurricane Charley is churning north in the Gulf of Mexico but is projected to strike a less-righteous area of Florida such as Tampa, where there actually are some registered Democrats. Anyway, AHNC staffers returned to the Panhandle just in time to batten down the hatches against the storm threat, using duct tape from their Homeland Security materials stockpile.
The Panhandle is a favorite stumping ground for the political right. Known variously by locals as The Redneck Riviera, Flabama or L.A. (Lower Alabama), the Panhandle is packed with one-issue voters, military bases and retired, conservative whites from around the Midwest and South
Culturally, it is earmarked by low wages, a strong anti-union sentiment and one of the highest ratios in the nation of churches to population. Many are of the homespun Evangelical or Pentecostal variety with names proudly displayed on roll-out message boards in front of these places of worship: the House of the Good News Gospel, the Church of Salvation in the Word.
Talking in tongues like the U.S. attorney general is not uncommon in Panhandle churches, and a couple hours' drive north into rural Alabama or Georgia takes you to places where some folks still pass around poisonous snakes during church services as proof of their faith in the Lord.
And let's not forget that Pensacola, in the western tip of the Panhandle, is where anti-abortion militants gunned down doctors in the street during the early '90s and bombed a clinic.
A return to the Florida Panhandle from any locale that is more diverse politically or socio-economically is a return to the values that helped put Dubya in the White House and very well might keep him there for another four glorious years. These snippets of wisdom and commentary from Panhandle voters, politicians and local bigwigs typify those values.
"They can kiss my chad." -- then State Rep. Jerry Maygarden, a former mayor of Pensacola, speaking to a GOP rally on the county courthouse steps in November 2000 about Democratic demands for a recount after hanging paper chads on punch-out ballots discounted many votes cast in south Florida.
"You live by the sword, you die by the sword." -- anti-abortion activist John Burt, justifying the shotgun murders of an abortion doctor and his friend outside a Pensacola clinic by a Burt associate. (Burt now is serving a prison term for molesting a teenage girl at a boarding home for unwed, expectant mothers run by Burt and his wife.)
"Nobody is getting my Ruger Mini-14." -- Chuck, a Panhandle native and AHNC neighbor, commenting on the 1992 election and his preference for then President George H. W. Bush over Democratic challenger Bill Clinton. Even though Clinton won election and gun laws were stiffened, Chuck got to keep his assault rifle.
"They're blowing this shark thing all out of proportion." -- A local public relations executive with close personal and professional ties to the Republican Party leadership, describing media coverage of a near-fatal shark attack on a young boy along tourism-dependent Pensacola Beach. (The executive's identity will not be disclosed because his comments were made during a private meeting with business clients.)
So, it's no surprise that Dubya's recent visit "wows Panhandle," in the words of one area newspaper. Many local voters would say "wow" if they received a 25-cents-per-hour raise in their minimum wage paychecks -- even though they'll vote straight-ticket Republican for the party that opposes wage hikes.
Many Panhandle voters will vote for Bush even thought the Environmental Protection Agency of his administration refuses to act on toxic waste sites and industrial operations that poison their air and water supply.
Many Panhandle voters will vote Republican because they want abortion outlawed and prayer (Christian only) made mandatory in public schools.
And many Panhandle voters will again back Bush because "he's just like us" -- poorly spoken, of mediocre intelligence and possessing a foreign policy view that often pits the United States against the rest of the world instead of leading it.
In short, the Panhandle actually deserves another four years of Dubya, even if the rest of the nation and the world do not.
Iraqi Government Denies Reports Al-Sadr Wounded Radio Free Europe, Czech Republic
UN Extends Mission in Iraq for a Year Biloxi Sun Herald, MS
Leader charges West is after oil, gold Toronto Star, Canada
It's great to have you back again!
U.S. to Get International Election Observers...it's about time!
I wonder what the right wingers are afraid of?
Thank you, Cindy.
I think the right wingers are afraid of John Kerry's medals, Teresa and Democratic voters.
Army Turns to Private Guards Los Angeles Times
This may be waay more than you wanted to know about Friday the 13th.
· About.com: Why Friday the 13th is Unlucky - examines the history behind the urban legend.
· Friday the 13th - offers a brief history of the unluckiest of days.
· Friday the 13th Origins - analysis from the AFU and Urban Legends Archive.
· How Stuff Works: How Friday the 13th Works - attempts to explain the phenomenon of paraskevidekatriaphobia.
· Salon.com: Friday the 13th - Should You Stay In Bed All Day? - brief article written on the last Friday the 13th of the millennium - a double-whammy of a day fraught with wicked omens.
Thanks for the break from politics, Alan.
"This victory will be received with happiness by my people, who have suffered through much." -- Iraqi soccer coach Adnan Hamad, whose team upset star-studded Portugal 4-2 in Olympic competition.
"We don't want to turn that responsibility over to somebody who doesn't have deeply held convictions about right and wrong. And I must say, I look at the record of our opponents. There is a lot of hesitation and uncertainty." -- Vice President Dick Cheney, questioning the ability of Sens. John Kerry and John Edwards to make decisions about war.
The Dick should watch Fahrenheit 911 and watch W sit there for seven minutes. That defines uncertainty.
Bush: Kerry repeatedly flip-flops on Iraq war USATODAY.com
Former aide confirms Alexander’s anti-GOP letter is genuine The Advertiser, LA
Republican group targets anti-Kerry ads to blacks Chicago Sun Times, IL
GOP backers fined for ethics violation Times Picayune, LA
Emmis to pay $300,000 over indecent comments Indianapolis Star, IN
Bush Campaign Steps Up Attacks as Kerry Gains in Polls Los Angeles Times
CROSSING THE RIVER JORDAN
John Kerry, George W. Bush and Dick Cheney died
and found themselves standing on the other side of the
Jordan River, looking across at the promised land.
The Archangel Michael was standing on the other
side and shouted over to the three surprised
Americans, "Contrary to what you have been taught,
each of you will have to wade across the Jordan River."
As Michael saw their perplexed looks, he reassured
them by saying, "Don't worry. You will sink only
proportionally according to your sins on earth.
The more you have sinned the more you will sink into the water."
The three American sages of political lore looked at one another,
trying to determine who shall be the first brave soul to cross the Jordan River.
Finally John Kerry volunteered to go first.
Slowly he began to wade out into the river, and
slowly the water began to get higher and higher,
reaching to his waist. Kerry began to sweat,
thinking that all of his sins were coming back to haunt him.
He was beginning to wonder if he would ever see the other side.
Finally, after what seemed liked an eternity, he began to
emerge on the river's bank.
As he ascended to the other side, he looked behind him to
see which one of the other brave souls was going next.
A shock of surprise registered on his face, as he saw George
W. Bush almost in the middle of the river and only his
ankles barely touching the water. He turned to Michael and
"I know Dubya, Dubya is a friend of mine, and he has
sinned much, much more than that!"
Archangel Michael replied ...
"He's standing on Cheney's shoulders."
Graphic by Oz
Moore footage shows new CIA boss ruling himself out Guardian, UK
"If George Bush doesn't drop this new campaign slogan, he's in danger of becoming the new P. T. Barnum of American politics." -- Democratic National Chairman Terry McAuliffe, on Bush's repeated claim that the economy has "turned the corner" on jobs
Definitely worth the read. Turns out that the phony military bios did not start with W...they started a generation earlier.
The Bogus Bush Bio Caper -- As far as I know, I'm the first and only aviation expert to investigate Bush 41's ill-fated Chichi Jima combat mission. I am also the only journalist since 1988 to interview a living eyewitness to the incident: 83-year-old ex-Avenger tail gunner Chester Mierzejewski, who watched Bush bail out from 500 feet away.
You can skip the details of W's phony military "career' and Scroll most of the way down to CHAPTER 17
Big George, the Original Phony Fighter Pilot
Thanks for the link. I do remember Doonesbury picking on Papa Bush's different versions of what happened.
The Bronze Rat
A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop on Mott Street. While looking
around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized,
bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking
the tourist decided he simply had to have it.
He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?"
"You have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, $100 for the story," said
the old shopkeeper. The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars.
"I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed
that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun
following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began
walking faster. A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his
horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began
squealing. Sweating now, the tourist began to trot west on Canal Street
towards the Hudson River.
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the
rats now numbered in the millions, and were squealing and coming toward him
faster and faster. Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Hudson and threw
the bronze rat as far as he could into the river. Amazingly, the millions of
rats all jumped into the river after the bronze rat, and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
"Ahhh," said the owner, "You have come back for story?" "No sir," said the
man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."
Go-F*** -Yourself News
Cheney blasts Kerry for 'sensitive' remark Chicago Sun Times, IL
Cheney's terror attack on Kerry backfires South Australia Advertiser, Australia
By Kirsten Searer
LAS VEGAS SUN
Former U.S. Sen. Chic Hecht of Nevada is a staunch Republican, but he thanks his lucky stars for Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts...
The Daily Scribble on Bush's New Ad
Cracked reservoir threatens thousands in China Reuters, UK
Truck rollover hurts driver, causes brief radiation scare Chicago Sun Times, IL
Injections Temporarily Turn Slacker Monkeys Into Model Workers Los Angeles Times
"It was reported just this morning on CNN that the U.S. Army provides free plastic surgery for its soldiers, including breast implants. Which explains why the Army's new slogan is 'Go to Iraq and Get a Rack.'" -- Conan O'Brien
A rural worker selects Arabica coffee beans at a farm near Varginha, Brazil. Brazilian researchers and officials say their recent unraveling of the coffee bean's genome puts the South American nation in the forefront of coffee research.