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Tuesday edition - August 12, 2008
"President Bush arrived in Beijing earlier today....the Chinese threw a big state dinner for President Bush in his honor. They served Peking lame duck. And President Bush, he doesn’t know what he’s doing over there. He turned to the president of China, and he said, 'General Tso, I love your chicken.'" --David Letterman
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
Russia-Georgia Update
Russia's president has
agreed to a proposal calling for both Russian and Georgian troops to move back
to their initial positions and stop fighting.
Disturbing News
Homeland Security, My A**
The Homeland Security Department swept aside evaluations of government experts and named Mississippi — home to powerful U.S. lawmakers with sway over the agency — as a top location for a new $451 million, national laboratory to study some of the world's most virulent biological threats
"While
after vigorously denying reports of his extramarital affair, and calling the
story ridiculous, untrue and tabloid trash, John Edwards today admitted he had
an affair. And the National Enquirer was the only publication writing about it,
the National Enquirer was the first to break it, turns out it was true. You know
what this means? Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! Aliens are here! It's all
true!" --Jay Leno
Republican-Shenanigans News
In 1999, when [John] Edwards
was a senator, he said of President Bill Clinton and his affair with Monica
Lewinsky:
"I guess Edwards apparently met this woman at a New York City bar in 2006, and he is a pretty smooth operator. ... You hear his opening line to the woman? 'So, uh, which America are you from?'" --Jay Leno
Rock-The-Voter News
"As
you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he’ll visit South
Korea, Thailand and China — or as the White House calls it, 'The
Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'" --Jay Leno
Biz-Tech News
Well, we got bin Laden’s driver. Now, if we can only put away his barber and his cleaning lady, we’ll have him boxed in. – Will Durst
Say Cheese
The New York
City Police Department
wants
to photograph the license plate of every vehicle that enters Manhattan,
according to The New York Times. Bush-Prison-Torture News
“Have you seen these commercials where T. Boone Pickens…says he wants to rely more on natural gas and wind power for energy. And once again, President Bush, you know, I don’t think he really understands alternative fuels. Like today, he said, ‘How do you drill for wind?’”- Jay Leno
Go-F**k-Yourself News
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Odd News
United
States' Michael Phelps swims in a men's 200-meter butterfly semi-final during
the swimming competitions in the National Aquatics Center at the Beijing 2008
Olympics in Beijing, Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2008.
Peace.
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