Tuesday edition - August 11, 2009



GOP govs sidestep Palin 'death panel' comments
The Associated Press - 8-11-09
NEW YORK - Republican governors said Monday that Americans are justifiably frightened by health care proposals but stopped short of embracing Sarah Palin's..


Hillary Clinton: I'm secretary of state, not Bill
AP - 8-10-09
KINSHASA, Congo - Hillary Clinton has a message for the world: It's not all about Bill.

FACT CHECK: No 'death panel' in health care bill
AP Tue Aug 11, 3:04 am ET
...Sarah Palin says the health care overhaul bill would set up a "death panel." Federal bureaucrats would play God, ruling on whether ailing seniors are worth enough to society to deserve life-sustaining medical care. Palin and other critics are wrong.


"This is a weird story. Someone recently tried to sell an Xbox that was autographed by Sarah Palin for $1.1 million. Yeah. Unfortunately, the Palin Xbox kept quitting in the middle of every game." --Conan O'Brien


The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

Meanwhile, Back In Pakistan


The U.S. resumed missile strikes in Pakistan's northwest Tuesday nearly a week after one reportedly killed the country's Taliban chief hitting a hide-out believed to be frequented by his supporters and killing at least eight suspected militants, intelligence officials said.



"Today was his 200th day in office. Barack Obama has been -- wow, he made it. And he said he still loves the job as much as ever. And he loves it so much, he's thinking about finally doing it and becoming an American citizen." -Bill Maher




Disturbing News

Mile High Club Cancelled?


House Democratic leaders said Monday that they will not force the Pentagon to buy four new passenger jets used to ferry senior government officials.

Democrats have been criticized for adding $330 million to the Air Force's 2010 budget to buy the jets even though the Pentagon didn't request the money.

Two of the planes would be the C-37 the military equivalent to the fancy Gulfstream 550 and cost taxpayers $130 million at a time when lawmakers have made villains of bailed-out auto executives who rely on corporate jets to travel.


"I can't believe he said this -- on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh recently said, 'Adolf Hitler, like Barack Obama, ruled by dictate.' Yeah. So folks, it took a while, but Obama has finally won over Rush Limbaugh." --Conan O'Brien



Republican-Shenanigans News


"And now, there's actual fist-fights that are breaking out in the town hall meetings. And I have to say this, if you get injured while fighting against health care, you have to lie there and bleed. You just do. I'm sorry." -Bill Maher


Bill Clinton's Secret Gift for Kim Jong-il

By Hubert Wilson

Distracted Bill Clinton almost forgot!
For he kept noticing a shapely young female North Korean aide alot!
Diminutive Kim in his high chair wondered?
Just why the flirting former President almost blundered?
Was the 'Silver Fox's' secret gift really unique?
Perhaps extra EXTRA large sunglasses to enhance his slight physique?
Maybe six inch hydraulic shoe lifts with power boost?
His amorous national image with these could never be reduced?
Could it be a special American sensual device?
Hearbeat of the 'Dear Leader' skipped not once - but twice!
Giving dallying Clinton a stiff elbow reminding nudge,
Further fantasizing, could it be - replacing Paula as an American Idol judge?
Kim hurriedly opened an aroused Clinton's nearly forgotten gift!
Like his reputation as a lover - he was ultra swift!
Inside Kim did childishly but happily grab -
Six junior pant suits in various shades of olive drab!
Wanton Bill explained all had been retailored from only one of Hillary's pant suits -
Even with matching boots!



Rock-The-Voter News


"I saw a thing on YouTube, a town hall meeting in Little Rock, Arkansas. And a woman from Brockside, Arkansas, stood up. She was weeping about the threat of socialism. You know what, lady, Brockside, Arkansas, doesn't have capitalism yet. Your idea of health care is leeches and moonshine and you're worried about socialism? Oh, Lord." -Bill Maher




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Biz-Tech News

US Supports Drug/Oil Smugglers


U.S. refineries bought millions of dollars worth of oil stolen from Mexican government pipelines and smuggled across the border, the U.S. Justice Department told The Associated Press illegal operations now led by Mexican drug cartels expanding their reach.



"Hey, yesterday, did you hear this? Computer hackers managed to shut down Twitter and my favorite, Facebook, for several hours. In a related story, yesterday American productivity jumped by 159%." --Conan O'Brien



Bush-Prison-Torture News


"I thought also the biggest news flash of the week: Sonia Sotomayor is now on the Supreme Court. The Senate confirmed her. She will be -- I thought this was interesting -- sworn in on Saturday by Chief Justice John Roberts. And that is progress: a Hispanic woman having a white man come in on Saturday." --Bill Maher




Go-F**k-Yourself News



Subject: Protestors



You published the above pic in your Aug 5 edition. When I see posters such as this, I'm embarrassed that, even in protest, there is such ignorance in this country. The poster should read "Remember, dissent is the highest form of patriotism".



And to think that almost half of America voted for McCain/Palin. Shudder.


Aren't these the same people who renamed French Fries, Freedom Fries when the French opposed Bush's preemptive strike on Iraq?


As Forest Gump said, "Stupid is as stupid does."



NOTICE: The next edition of All Hat No Cattle will be on Monday, August 17th. I am traveling to San Jose for pre-op tests.


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Odd News

To Help You Deflate Photo




This photo taken Aug. 4, 2009 shows Baxter, an Australian shepherd who is afraid of thunder. Baxter is shown with some of the remedies his owner is trying to calm him during thunderstorms. They include Storm Stress and valerian, both over-the-counter products, and a prescription, the generic version of Xanax.

Photo/Sharon Theimer





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