July 9,  2004  TGIF

Pentagon Says Bush Records of Service Were Destroyed


Published: July 9, 2004

HOUSTON, July 8 - Military records that could help establish President Bush's whereabouts during his disputed service in the Texas Air National Guard more than 30 years ago have been inadvertently destroyed, according to the Pentagon…


Report: CIA Gave False Info on Iraq

AP - 7-9-04

U.S. intelligence agencies fell victim to false "group think" when assessing Iraq's weapons capabilities and ended up giving the Bush administration overstated or incorrect conclusions before the 2003 invasion, a scathing Senate Intelligence Committee report says.


Rupert Murdoch source for NY Post front-page gaffe: report

AFP - 7-9-04

Global media magnate Rupert Murdoch was the source for the New York Post's "exclusive" front-page faux pas this week about...

Misinformation, destroyed information, how Republicanesque.

"I think the day that President Bush drops Vice President Cheney will be a cold day in Gila Bend, Arizona." Senator John McCain


"As soon as Edwards was announced, the Republicans put out a new attack ad calling him unaccomplished. He was born poor and became a multi-millionaire. To Republicans isn't that the definition of accomplished?" —Jay Leno

US Pulls Ken Lay From White - Collar Spider Hole

July 9 (Bloomberg) -- If the feds were truly serious about punishing corporate crime, Kenneth Lay would be wearing prison stripes and Martha Stewart wouldn't ...

Republican Shenanigans

"The Bush administration announced that gas prices have fallen for the sixth week in a row, and we can expect a continued downward trend. Yeah, right through, what, oh I don't know, maybe election day?"  Jay Leno


Regarding that picture of President Bush in yesterday's posting,
is it my imagination or does he look like a beaten man?


I agree...it's hard to deal with all these cover-ups!

Damaging reports finger CIA and MI6
Christian Science Monitor - 7-8-04
US and British spy chiefs to face calls for structural reform due to Iraq failures. The imminent release of two highly critical ...

Disturbing News




The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after ! finding half a grub
in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the bunch ----

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole


Biz/Tech News




The pResident stated yesterday that Cheney could be President.

I have news for Bush -- Cheney already IS President.
Who gave the orders on 9/11 to shoot down planes -- Cheney, NOT Bush! Bush was at the school trying to decide what to do for 7 long minutes after he was notified we were under attack.

Someone ought to clue our clueless leader in.

This picture of Bush on 9-11 says it all

Good News


Element of Surprise Cited As Bush Romps to Victory

Inspired by the early handover of sovereignty in Iraq, President George
W. Bush employed the element of surprise once more last night, holding
the U.S. presidential election four months early.

The election, about which only top Bush administration officials were
notified, went exceedingly well for the president, who carried all fifty
states and garnered approximately one hundred percent of the vote.

Mr. Bush's victory speech, which he had originally scheduled for eleven
P.M. last night, was at the last-minute rescheduled to nine P.M., once
again capitalizing on the element of surprise.

In his speech, Mr. Bush admitted that he might have had a more difficult
time getting reelected if the American people had actually been notified
about the time and date of the voting, but added, "A win's a win,

Mr. Bush's second inauguration is slated to take place on January 20,
2005, but administration officials acknowledged that it could happen "at
any time."

"For all I know it has already happened," one aide said.

While the stealth presidential election seems to have cemented the Bush
administration's reputation for secrecy, one aide said that some secrets
were harder to keep than others: "For example, everyone knows how Paul
Wolfowitz gets his hair to look so great."

White House officials praised the performance of the controversial new
Diebold electronic voting machines, which successfully tabulated final
results from Florida before a single vote was cast.

Sent in by Leslie W.

Excellent Animation!

Mark Fiore: E-Voting

"BECAUSE of Bush's tax cuts, I saved a million and a half in taxes last year. Does anyone think that's fair?" Ben Affleck at a John Kerry fund-raiser.

Bomb Squad Humor

Odd News


The next edition (Monday, July 19) of All Hat No Cattle will be published from the All Hat No Cattle Central American Bureau (above) in a cost-cutting measure during which I will subsist on tropical fruit and fresh seafood. Plus, I have not taken a vacation in more than a year.

See you on Monday, July 19,  2004.