Thursday edition - July 29, 2010
You don't need a
weatherman to know Glenn Beck distorts quotes
Leaked Afghan War Reports Heighten European Doubts
Arizona is preparing to ask an appeals court to lift a judge's ruling that put most of the state's immigration law on hold in a key first-round victory for the federal government in a fight that may go to the U.S. Supreme Court
Hilton is in hot water for a picture in which she looks like she's doing a Nazi
salute. Let's be honest, Paris Hilton has no idea what a Nazi salute is. She
probably thinks Nazi is a game you play with dice." –Jimmy Kimmel
Doing It Soviet Style
Russia has broadened the authority of the Federal Security Service, the KGB's main successor agency, giving it Soviet-style repressive powers in a move critics say could be used to stifle protests and intimidate government opponents.
"Top Ten Surprises In The Leaked Government Documents"
10. Revealed secret recipe for Ayman Al-Zawahiri's 'Easy Cheesy Potato Casserole'
9. Intelligence agencies have almost deciphered the plot of 'Inception'
8. Outlined the Knicks' failed strategy to get LeBron
7. Terror chatter is at its lowest during 'Cake Boss'
6. Al-Qaida canceled plan to destroy Gulf of Mexico when BP beat them to it
5. Haven't found Osama's cave, but did find his 'man cave' with a sweet 65-inch flat screen
4. Despite stern memo from Kathy Mavrikakis, documents weren't printed double-sided
3. Discovered classified location of Chelsea Clinton's wedding
2. Obama and Osama almost appeared with Oprah in Tostitos Super Bowl commercial
1. Turns out the 9-year, no-end-in-sight Afghan war isn't going well
War Is Hell
A Madrid judge reissued arrest warrants Thursday for three U.S. servicemen over the death of a Spanish journalist killed by American tank fire in Iraq in 2003.
GOP Turns Back On Small Business Lending
Senate Republicans blocked a bill to increase small business lending Thursday, dealing a setback to President Barack Obama's jobs agenda
"Elmhurst, Illinois is going to outlaw eye-rolling. So what happens if John McCain shows up and says he still thinks he made the right choice with Sarah Palin?" –David Letterman
Suing The Slimy Conservative
Ousted Agriculture Department employee Shirley Sherrod said Thursday she will sue a conservative blogger who posted a video edited in a way that made her appear racist.
Before The CIA, There Was The Pond
Now the world can finally get a deeper look at the long-hidden roots of American espionage as tens of thousands of once-secret documents found in locked safes and filing cabinets in a barn near Culpeper, Va., in 2001 have finally become public after a long security review by the Central Intelligence Agency.
American named Bob Dudley is BP's new CEO. Nice to see an American taking a job
from a foreigner for once." –Jay Leno
Obama Not Invited To Chelsea Clinton's Wedding
Barack Obama says he didn't make the guest list for Chelsea Clinton's wedding.
In an interview on ABC's daytime talk show "The View," Obama said he wasn't invited because former President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton wanted the event to be about their daughter and her future husband.
Ads by Google
CEO Tony Hayward is being sent to a project in Siberia. He wants to go to a part
of the planet that hasn't been ruined yet." –David Letterman
More Oil Spills
Federal officials believe an oil spill that has contaminated a major Michigan river was larger than first estimated, and the governor is warning of a "tragedy of historic proportions" should the oil reach Lake Michigan some 80 miles away, and the vacation communities that depend on it.
Jersey Gov. Chris Christie said this week that 'Jersey Shore' is giving New
Jersey a bad name. As opposed to the good, clean, inspirational shows about New
Jersey, like 'The Sopranos.'" –Jay Leno
I hope you had a good time today.
Thank you Louis!
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To Help You Deflate Photo
Pilot Capt. Brian Bews parachutes to safety as his a CF-18 fighter jet plummets to the ground during a practice flight at the Lethbridge County Airport on Friday, July 23, 2010 for the weekend air show in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada. Photo/The Canadian Press, Lethbridge Herald, Ian Martens