"After nearly two weeks of violence and mounting casualties on both sides, help is on the way. U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice finally cashed in her miles today and sprung for a surprise visit to Beirut's 'Oh my God, don't let them shoot down my plane with a Stinger missile' International Airport." --Jon Stewart

Senate Judiciary Committee chairman Arlen Specter yesterday introduced legislation that would allow Congress to sue President Bush over his use of signing statements to claim the power to bypass laws, saying that lawmakers must push back against a White House power grab.

Condoleezza Rice went into President Bush's office and said, 'I'm off to Lebanon.' And President Bush said, 'Vacation?'." --Jay Leno

It would be more than a little ironic if Florida's revamped election laws were employed to replace Katherine Harris' name on the ballot.

"We won the Miss Universe pageant. Meet Miss Puerto Rico, or as I call her, Miss 'U.S.A.'s Territory with Commonwealth Status' Puerto Rico. She is so beautiful, you almost want to let her vote in federal elections." --Stephen Colbert

The U.S. government clamped down on prescription drug imports from Canada this week, provoking customer fury. It's perplexing. You would have thought that once Baby Boomers ran the federal government, the war on drugs would stop at arthritis medicine. ---- comedian Argus Hamilton

The U.S. government's crackdown on media indecency could prevent World War Two veterans from sharing their stories in an upcoming TV documentary series by Ken Burns, the head of the Public Broadcasting Service said Wednesday.

"I understand small business growth. I was one." -- George W. Bush, New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000

George W. Bush - Harken CEO 1983-1990

In 1990, Bush sold his remaining stock options and left the oil business. Writer Jack Colhoun revealed some details of that stock sale, referring to Bush by his childhood nickname “Junior”:

On June 22, 1990, George Jr. sold two-thirds of his Harken stock for $848,560-a cool 200 percent profit. The move was well timed. One week after Junior sold his stock, Harken announced a $23.2 million loss in quarterly earnings and Harken stock dropped sharply, losing 60 percent of its value over the next six months. On August 2, 1990, Iraqi troops moved into Kuwait and 541,000 U.S. forces were deployed to the Gulf. -- Famous Texans

 

Congressman Bob Wexler of Florida had to explain Monday why he told Comedy Central that cocaine is a fun thing to do. What's happened to this country? It is a sad day in America when a lawmaker can't promote his state's biggest moneymaker.---- comedian Argus Hamilton

Today Iran called for a boycott of all U.S. made goods. Well, we've got them there! Hey, Iran, we don't make anything in the U.S. anymore, okay?! Call your buddies in China! -- Jay Leno
 

Washington D.C. on Monday began installing new sidewalks made of out of rubber from ground-up tires. They are really thinking ahead. When the voters throw the congressmen out of office this November they can land on Lobbyist Row in two bounces. ---- comedian Argus Hamilton

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This photo released by the Smithsonian's National Zoo shows three Sumatran tiger cubs, born at the zoo last May 24, as they huddle together just before a routine health exam Thursday, July 20, 2006, in Washington. (Photo/Smithsonians National Zoo, Jessie Cohen)