It is like watching a train wreck. Bristol Palin gets preggers at 18, gets engaged, breaks engagement, has baby, moves out of Momma Pit Bull aka Momma Grizzly's house into her own apartment, and now she's back with the father of her blue eyed blonde baby. A match not made in heaven but in Wasilla, Alaska, home of meat flavored vodka. Good luck, kids.

"Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston announced they are engaged to be married. But here's the interesting part. They're not having sex until after they are married, that's what they said. So let me get this straight: They had sex, she had a baby, now they're engaged and celibate. Isn't that backwards? It's like they're sexually dyslexic." —Jay Leno

All of this "birther" nonsense is fine with me. It can only help Obama win reelection in 2012. My only fear is that we will get a Republican Congress who will impeach him for winning, like they did Clinton. - Anon. AHNC viewer

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• Ten killed, 24 wounded in Iraq attacks: officials

• Hotel fire kills 29, including foreigners, in Iraq

• Afghan health team abducted; local official killed

• US missiles kill 10 militants in Pakistan: officials

• Death toll for Iran mosque bombing rises to 27

• In Iraq, US hands over Tariq Aziz, other Saddam Hussein-era officials

• Petraeus wants Taliban in Pakistan on terror list

• Obama plans to cut up to 40 percent of nukes

FINALLY!

BP finally gained control over one of America's biggest environmental catastrophes by placing a carefully fitted cap over a runaway geyser that has been gushing crude into the Gulf of Mexico since early spring. Engineers, politicians and Gulf residents will watch anxiously over the next day and a half to see if it holds.

A lot of people continue to be very upset by the fact that we can’t get Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden? We can’t even get Roman Polanski.- Jay Leno

Pentagon Wants Their Money!

 The Pentagon said on Wednesday it may be forced to take extreme measures -- like not paying salaries -- if the Democratic-led Congress fails to pass a $37 billion defense spending bill before lawmakers begin an August recess.

Disturbing News

• China hospital 'refuses to treat HIV-positive woman'

• Glacier Once Stuck to Sea Floor, Breaks Loose

You hear about this? Michael Steele said that — well, he’s in trouble, actually — for saying the war in Afghanistan was Obama’s war, and it was unwinnable. In fact, Steele felt so sorry for it, he said today he went to his favorite bondage nightclub, demanded to be spanked.- Jay Leno

Jason Bourne, He's Not

 A 23-year-old Russian man who became the 12th person taken into custody in the recent spy ring investigation made two trips to the United States, both times going to work for Microsoft in low-level jobs.

Republican-Shenanigans News

• GOP outpaces Dems in open Senate seat fundraising

• Utah agencies probe alleged illegal immigrant list

• Wall Street reform bill clears GOP roadblock in Senate

• Sarah Palin in 2012? Why she's for real

"I understand it's not going to be a traditional wedding. Rumor is that Bristol asked Levi — this is real — to wear his camouflage hunting vest. Which would be the closest he's ever come to wearing protection of any kind. Actually, Bristol said the one thing she missed most about Levi — his Johnston." " —Jay Leno
 

If you know anything about the big spy swap here in New York City, there were 10 spies and they were running around New York City stealing secrets. They arranged a big spy swap. It was very exciting. We sent them 10 spies, and they sent us four spies, plus a Cuban pitcher.- David Letterman

Rock-The-Voter News

• Obama: 'I expect to be held accountable' on jobs

• Obama hails passage of Wall Street reform measure

• Obamas head to family weekend on Maine coast

Drafty

Charles Rangel is again calling for a military draft to highlight the fact that relatively few families are bearing a disproportionate burden in fighting the nation's wars.

The New York Democrat introduced a bill Thursday to reinstate the draft, a symbolic gesture that has no chance of becoming law.
 

A new law in Louisiana allows guns in churches. Parishioners can go to study the four gospels. Matthew, Mark, Smith, and Wesson. - Laugh Lines

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Biz-Tech News

• Germany, China sign billions of dollars in deals

• JPMorgan earns $4.8 billion in 2nd quarter

• Report: Philip Morris using captive child labor to harvest tobacco

• Boeing: Airlines to need $3.6 trillion in planes

• Chevy Volt will carry 8-year battery warranty

BP and Lockerbie?

The U.S. Senate Foreign Relations Committee has scheduled a July 29 hearing into last year's release of a Libyan convicted for the 1988 bombing of an airliner over Lockerbie, Scotland, and related actions by BP.

The committee said on Thursday it will ask officials of BP Plc to testify after the UK-based oil giant acknowledged that it had lobbied the British government in 2007 to agree to transfer Libyan intelligence officer Abdel Basset al-Megrahi to Tripoli. The company said it was concerned that his continued imprisonment in Scotland could negatively affect an offshore oil drilling deal with Libya.
 

Well, the big story in Washington is the Obama administration has had the Justice Department file a lawsuit to block Arizona’s tough new immigration law. The government is saying Arizona’s new law is unconstitutional. See, legally, there’s only one entity that can determine who can come work in this country. And that, of course, is Wal-Mart.
- Jay Leno

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Iraqis take charge of last prison in US control

Well, here’s some information about real estate. Rush Limbaugh had an apartment here in New York City. Sold it for $11.5 million. It has a very narrow view. It overlooks the flaws of the Republican Party. - David Letterman

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Cheney recuperating after heart surgery last week

"Dick Cheney is recovering after minor surgery. Doctors implanted a new device called a 'heart.'" –Craig Ferguson

Hugh Hefner is planning to sell Playboy after reporting a $51.3 million loss in 2009. For the first time in its history, he’s the one losing his shirt. - Laugh Lines

Email

Subject: Hey there

I hope your last treatment went well and I'm so happy for you that
it is over. I have been thinking of you today and I want you to know I'm probably
not the only one. You are a hero to a lot of us. Please wear amethyst.

Love you.

Thank you. I'm back because of you and all my viewers. I can't think of a better place to be.

Hero? Pshaw. I do make a great hero sandwich though.

Amethyst the color or the stone? I'll try anything plus I love that color.

My last two radiation sessions were postponed until Monday and Tuesday. The machine needed maintenance. Sigh.

Below is a picture of one of my radiation techs, right before he strapped me down on the table and placed the mesh mask over my head which is then snapped tightly to the table. At that point, I said to the tech through the mask, "I'm Senora Freddy Krueger."

I could hear him laughing down the hall even after the steel door closed.

Please Kick Over A Couple Of Bucks

To Keep All Hat No Cattle Online

Every little bit helps.

Thank you Richard, Larry and Dennis.

Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312

or

Lisa Casey
Apartado Postal 79
Santa Cruz, Guanacaste 5150
Costa Rica
 

 Email me lisa@allhatnocattle.net

Odd News

• CBS producer who blackmailed Letterman up for Emmy

• UT strips Klansman's name from Austin dorm

• Woman finds out LeBron pendant worth nearly $10K

• Wedding Gift: Groom gives bride-to-be $250K ticket

• Power company tells customer she is dead

• Sailboaters moon Washington state ferry

To Help You Deflate Photo

No place like home : A pair of 6-foot-tall ruby red slippers are unveiled outside Madame Tussauds New York on 42nd Street in Times Square to celebrate the launch of "The Wizard of Oz Cinema 4D Experience" and the interactive "Land of Oz " exhibit at Madame Tussauds New York.

Photo/Timothy A. Clary

Peace.

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