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Tuesday edition - June 3, 2008
“Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"” - Jon Stewart
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
Rayguns
The Pentagon has been developing a raygun which can harmlessly repel enemies by causing a burning sensation in the top layer of the skin. However, according to CBS's 60 Minutes, the military is unwilling to actually trust this weapon enough to deploy it in Iraq...Hymes demonstrated the weapon by staging what CBS somewhat oddly called "a scenario soldiers might encounter in Iraq" -- a handful of military volunteers, dressed as civilian protesters, who carried signs saying "peace not war" and threw objects at a small group of soldiers. A series of raygun blasts from half a mile away disrupted their chants and finally sent them running.
Examples of past war propaganda
President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas. - Jay Leno
Disturbing News
Republican-Shenanigans News
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution. -Jay Leno
Big Dog Bites Back
Former President Bill Clinton unloaded today on former New York Times reporter Todd Purdum, who has penned an extremely negative piece about him in this month's Vanity Fair ..."You know he didn't use a single name, cite a single source in all those things he said. It's just slimy..."
Rock-The-Voter News
"President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently he likes working out because it 'clears his mind.' Sometimes it works a little too well.” - Jay Leno
Biz-Tech News
More Help For Banks
The Federal Reserve has auctioned another $75 billion in loans to squeezed banks to help them overcome credit problems.
Bush-Prison-Torture News
Cheney Shoots
Vice President Dick Cheney
threw a verbal insult at West Virginians on Monday, but quickly apologized. Go-F**k-Yourself News
Mow Your Grass!
Homeowners who don't mow
their grass in the northeast Ohio city of Canton now face stiffer penalties —
including possible jail time.
Odd News
A worker
looks on as Giant Pandas eat bamboo at a zoo in Beijing Monday, June 2, 2008.
Eight pandas has arrived safely in Beijing after a long journey from their
damaged reserve near the epicenter following the deadly earthquake. The pandas
arrived last Saturday to spend the next six months at the Beijing Zoo on a
special Olympics visit that had been planned long before the quake.
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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