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Wednesday edition - June 28, 2006
The only people I have seen desecrate the flag are in the White House, Congress and those activist judges, the US Supremes in s-election 2000.
The Census Bureau reported that Las Vegas is about to pass Washington D.C. in population. Of course there's a huge difference between Vegas and Washington. See, in Las Vegas, people gamble with their own money. -- Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News Bomb Kills 2 Boys and Fighting Claims 2 Britons in Afghanistan New York Times Iraq holds suspect in mosque bombing CNN International
Iraqi Army Will Be 'Built' By End of Year
When All Else Fails, Rush Blames Clinton
Limbaugh joked about the search on his radio show Tuesday, saying Customs officials didn't believe him when he said he got the pills from the library of former President Bill Clinton, and that he was told the tablets were blue M&Ms. He later added, chuckling: "I had a great time in the Dominican Republic. Wish I could tell you about it."
Elsewhere, after a new study showed that boys with older brothers are more likely to be gay, President Bush proposed a constitutional amendment banning older brothers. -- Andy Borowitz
Disturbing News
“The big story continues to be those seven men arrested in Miami for terrorist activities. The FBI said the men thought they were dealing with a member of al Qaeda. Turns out it was actually an undercover police officer instead. Yeah. So let that be a lesson to everybody out there. Whenever you're approached by someone claiming to be al Qaeda, always ask for an ID.” -- Jay Leno
Shooting the Messengers
It is hard to avoid the suspicion that the President and his administration are engaged in a "shoot the messenger" exercise aimed at fending off public attention or congressional oversight of yet another secret surveillance program that poses substantial constitutional, legal and privacy issues.
Republican Shenanigans
The NSA, FBI, CIA, and Homeland Security take over all media in order to "secure" the nation. . -- Grant Gerver
Lisa,
Hahahahahaha
Rock-The-Voter News
Magic Mirror fun with Bush Ralph Nader, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance. He said: "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned: if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!" The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Ralph Nader stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most truthful of us three," and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands. Al Gore stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most ambitious of us three," and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign. Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, "I think...," and was promptly sucked into the mirror.
Claiming it's bad PR, major oil companies force gas stations to stop displaying prices . -- Grant Gerver
I just sent you money via snail mail. It's not
even worth mentioning,
Thank you Albert! I am amazed at the wonderful response I have received. I have received over 50 US Mail donations.
I guess you all are stuck with me! A viewer even sent me postage stamps so I can send you all thank you notes. I am still answering e-mails!
Thank you AHNC viewers! Do you think it's possible that we are a cult? And does that qualify me for an IRS deduction?
Biz/Tech News
This photo released by the United States Marine Corps shows Staff Sgt. Raymond Plouhar, 30, of Lake Orion, Mich., handing candy to students at the Al Nabatiya Elementary School on May 9, 2006 in Iraq. Plouhar, who appeared in Michael Moore's acclaimed documentary 'Fahrenheit 9/11' died Monday, June 26, 2006, of wounds suffered while conducting combat operations in the Al Anbar province of Iraq, the Defense Department announced Tuesday. (Photo/US Marine Corps, Cpl. Mark Sixbey)
"The flooding was so bad in Washington that New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin called the president and said, 'You're on your own pal.'" --Jay Leno
Bush-Prison-Torture News
“They also had flooding at the Internal Revenue Service and had to close that down. They said some records may have been lost. Good!” - - Jay Leno
Go-F*ck-Yourself News
You can shoot someone in the face, but you can't burn the flag? . -- Grant Gerver
Some happy news... According to the National Enquirer, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are getting married. He gave her a 2-karat diamond ring -- bringing her total weight now to 3 karats. -- Jay Leno
Odd News
Granite blocks are seen in Amapa, Brazil, on May 10, 2006. A grouping of 127 granite blocks along a grassy Amazon hilltop may be the vestiges of South America's oldest astronomical observatory, according to archeologists who say the find challenges long-held assumptions about the region's prehistory. The blocks, some standing as high as 3 meters are spaced at regular intervals around the hill like a crown some 30 meters in diameter, near the village of Calcoene just north of the equator near the coast of the Amapa state, which borders with French Guyana in far northern Brazil. (Photo/GOVERNO DE AMAPA, Gilmar Nascimento)
Peace.
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