Thursday edition - June 22, 2006


US To North Korea: Give It Up
CBS News -
The latest White House message to North Korea is: "Give it up. Do not launch," reports CBS News correspondent Peter Maer.



Qaeda's Zawahri urges Afghans to fight foreign troops, UK -
DUBAI (Reuters) - Al Qaeda's second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahri urged Afghans in an Internet video to fight foreign troops in their country whom he said had a ...

White House Seeks Prompt Reply From Iran
Washington Post - 6-22-06
WASHINGTON -- Speaking firmly but softly, the Bush administration is looking for an answer from Iran as early as next week on a package of inducements designed ..


Bush's "Bring it on!" has now become "Give it up!", simple, to the point and syllable-less.



"Dick Cheney spoke at the National Press Club yesterday. Cheney pointed out that because of tough anti-terror policies, the last five years have been virtually free of terrorist incidents on our soil. In fact, during that time Cheney, himself, has shot more Americans in this country than any terrorists." --Jay Leno




The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News


"North Korea has ballistic missile capability. Well fortunately, they're in the hands of a stable guy: Kim Jong Il, his father Ment-il-ly ill." --David Letterman


Disturbing News




A Real "Inconvenient Truth"

The Earth is the hottest it has been in at least 400 years, probably even longer. The National Academy of Sciences, reaching that conclusion in a broad review of scientific work requested by Congress, reported Thursday that the "recent warmth is unprecedented for at least the last 400 years and potentially the last several millennia."




"North Korea's Kim Jong-il ... acknowledged Monday he was developing a nuclear missile program 'to deter attacks from the West.' ... It's called the Taepo-Dong. Before you laugh, you should know that in Korean, that translates to 'kind of penis.'" --Jon Stewart


Republican Shenanigans



If North Korea launches a nuke, the good news is we can all pretty much kiss off the diet. -- -- Grant Gerver








"According to scientists ... one day we may have sex with robots. And if you want to know what that's like, just ask Maria Shriver." --David Letterman


Biz-Tech News


The President finally caves: "We will shut down Guantanamo...just as soon as the War on Terror is 'Mission Accomplished'." -- Jay Leno


Bush-Prison-Torture News


“The Supreme Court has ruled that with a warrant police no longer have to knock before kicking your door in. Unless of course you're Vice President of the United States, and they want to talk to you about shooting a guy in the face. Then they'll come back tomorrow.” -- Jay Leno


Go-F*ck-Yourself News



Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco has ordered National Guard troops to assist police in patrolling New Orleans once again. National Guard troops will be armed with rifles, handguns and plenty of beads. -- Jay Leno


Odd News



This photo taken by the Hubble Space telescope and released by NASA shows the planet Pluto, center, with its two newly named moons, from far right, Hydra and Nix, respectively. Pluto's other moon, Charon, is seen closest to Pluto. ( Photo/NASA)