Teen pregnancy prevention and marijuana legalization--who would have thought Republicans would tackle these issues. I wonder how quickly they will blow it? Pun intended.

Well, former presidential candidate John Edwards is now admitting that Federal investigators are looking into his presidential campaign finances and the fact that he paid over $100,000 to his mistress. Of course, Edwards is denying any impropriety. He said his mistress earned every penny.- Jay Leno

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4,284 AP

• US military deaths in Afghanistan region at 609 AP

• Red Cross: Many Afghans dead after US bombings AP

• 11 dead in Baghdad bombing, say Iraq police AP

• Bomb ruptures Iraq pipeline, exports unaffected Reuters

• UN demands Israel compensation for strikes in Gaza AP

• Blair: Quartet to unveil Mideast plan in 5-6 weeks AP

• China rejects US criticism over military strength AP

• Navy cancels ship deployment due to swine flu AP

Banned In The UK

A US radio talk show host says he will sue the British government for defamation after being placed on a list of people banned from entering the UK.

Conservative political commentator Michael Savage, real name Michael Alan Weiner, is one of 22 people barred for fostering extremism or hate.
 

Disturbing News

• Texas confirms first death of US resident with flu AP

• 1,200 homes evacuated as S. Calif. wildfire grows AP

Bye Bye Miss California

The directors of the Miss California USA pageant are looking into whether title holder Carrie Prejean violated her contract by working with a national group opposed to gay marriage and by posing semi-nude when she was a teenage model.

Pageant spokesman Roger Neal said Tuesday that it appears Prejean has run afoul of several sections of the 12-page contract that all prospective contestants were required to sign before competing in the November state contest.
 

Please Support Al Hat No Cattle

"And President Obama said that the country needs to remember that it is cool to be smart. Today, former President George W. Bush gave the rebuttal." --Jay Leno
 

Republican-Shenanigans News

• Republicans Face Steep Uphill Climb Among Women Gallup.com

• Hatch Says Obama Told Him He Won’t Pick ‘Extremist’ for Court Bloomberg

• Pence: GOP not anti-science 'caricature' Politico

• Joe the Plumber is Very Queer  Huffington Post

Mormons Secretly Baptized Obama's Dead Mom

The Mormons had posthumously baptized Barack Obama's mother, Stanley Ann Dunham. Baptizing the dead of other faith's, secretly and without the consent of their families, is a common Mormon practice. For the past fifteen years the Mormons have caused quite a stir by forcibly baptizing Jewish Holocaust victims - in other words, converting them to Mormonism - despite strong objections from the Jewish community.
 

Joe Biden yells "FLU!" in crowded movie theater. --Grant "Brad" Gerver

Rock-The-Voter News

• Obama, lawmakers agree on "cash-for-clunkers" bill Reuters

• First 100 days of first lady fashion MiamiHerald.com

The Daily Show

Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is either about to score a major public relations coup for the Obama White House or wind up with some egg on his face.

On Thursday Salazar will be a guest on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," which is like playing with fire for politicians. Some emerge unscathed, while others get skewered by the host's sharp wit.
 

"In the latest swine flu update, the Mexican government has told its citizens to stay home, to which Lou Dobbs said, 'I've been telling them that for years!'" --Jay Leno

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil rises above $54 on economic recovery optimism AP

• SC court halts thousands of home foreclosure sales AP

• Wal-Mart enters China's convenience store market Reuters

• AIG bonuses four times higher Politico

• US court clears way for Chrysler-Fiat deal AFP

• Health insurers ask gov't to police their industry AP

• Swede indicted for hacking NASA, Cisco computers AFP

Oh, the economy is in bad shape. The economy is so bad China is now making toys out of synthetic lead.- Jay Leno

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• MI5 agents 'tried to recruit Guantánamo detainees' Telegraph.co.uk

• Source: No charges seen over interrogation memos AP

Quaking Over Handshakes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We’re endangered, the GOP says,
By a handshake with Hugo Chavez.
Seems the nation Bush left
Is wholly bereft
And too weak for some pics with the Prez.
 

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Torture probe might target Cheney's office, Dodd says Politico

Barack Obama may choose Hillary Clinton as Souter’s replacement. So the big question now is, well, can she make the transition from pantsuits to robes. - David Letterman
 

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Odd News

• British man wins Australian island dream job AP

• Famed Nefertiti bust a fake: Swiss art historian AFP

• Elderly man mistakes card for noisy neighbors AP

• Lady Luck: W.Va. woman wins 5 lottery cash prizes AP

• Man sues for $1 over right to wear skirt in public AP

• China cigarette order goes up in smoke Reuters

To Help You Deflate Photo

This photo provided by the Department of Justice shows detained suspect Sony Dong, with songbirds strapped to his legs at Los Angeles International Airport. Dong was charged Tuesday, May 5, 2009 with smuggling song birds into the United States by strapping more than a dozen of them to his legs and trying to walk out of the Los Angeles International Airport.
Photo/Department of Justice

Peace.

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