Monday edition - May 4, 2009



Republicans kick off campaign to shine party image
CNN - ‎May 2, 2009‎
ARLINGTON, Virginia (CNN) -- Three prominent GOP leaders kicked off a campaign Saturday to reshape their party's image, gathering at...


Rice: Bush wouldn't approve illegal interrogations
CNN - ‎5-4-09
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice defended the Bush administration's policies on the interrogation of terrorism suspects Sunday

Obama Wants $190 Billion Tax Increase on Companies
Bloomberg - ‎4May 4

(Bloomberg) -- President Barack Obama proposed to raise about $190 billion over the next decade by outlawing three offshore tax-avoidance techniques used by US companies such as Caterpillar Inc. and Procter & Gamble Co


It’s happening more and more. The New Hampshire Senate now has passed a bill that would legalize same-sex marriage in New Hampshire. So, New Hampshire could go from the Granite State to the Tasteful Marble Countertop State.- Jay Leno


The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

Guilty Plea To Intent


In the days following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, alleged al-Qaida operations mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed intended to use his free Hotmail account to direct a U.S.-based operative to carry out an attack, according to a guilty plea agreement filed by Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri in federal court.


I’m glad you’re all in a good mood, but I’m a little bummed out today because I made a bad investment. So stupid! I opened a Chrysler dealership in Mexico City.
- Jay Leno





Disturbing News


"Actually, you don't want to panic, because the CDC says it's all about prevention. For example, they're now telling people if you do put lipstick on a pig, do not use that same lipstick on yourself." --Jay Leno



Condi Tells 4th Graders Torture Is OK

Days after telling students at Stanford University that waterboarding was legal "by definition if it was authorized by the president," former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice was pressed again on the subject yesterday by a fourth-grader at a Washington school.



Republican-Shenanigans News



Lest we forget …

the moronic behavior of the past President who so seriously harmed our nation, All Hat No Cattle now offers a different notable quotation from George W. Bush each week.

“These terrorist acts and, you know, the responses have got to end in order for us to get the framework – the groundwork, not framework – the groundwork to discuss a framework for peace, to lay the – all right.” – Aug. 13, 2001



"Arlen Specter has been a Republican for a long time, so it has got to be tough, don't you think? I mean, for years you're lying out of the right side of your mouth, and now suddenly you've got to start lying out the left side of your mouth." --Jay Leno





Karl’s Roving Standards
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rove’s memory’s certainly short.
Back when dealing with names for the Court,
He said Dems must not nix
Any Bush judgeship picks
Based on views that they failed to support.

But now that the tables are turned,
He says Dem nominees must be spurned
If Republicans think
That their politics stink.
Consistency? Karl? Unconcerned!

Rock-The-Voter News


100 Days, 100 Successes - Obama’s First 100 Days in Office






"According to one of the news services, U.S. pork producers are now lobbying the United States government to change the name of this swine flu because they say it's bad for business. And, you know, actually, they're right. You cannot catch swine flu from eating pork. Oh, sure, you can get heart disease, obesity and high blood pressure, but not the swine flu." --Jay Leno


Ads by Google



Biz-Tech News

"And the big political story, of course, is that 79-year-old Senator Arlen Specter has switched parties. We're learning more and more about exactly how this deal went down. In fact, I understand to sweeten the deal, as a signing bonus, the Democrats offered him a Life Alert and a year's supply of Ensure." --Jay Leno

Bush-Prison-Torture News


The Catholic Church is encouraging the use of Twitter to send prayers. This new technology is changing liturgy. “Our Father who art in heaven” is now replaced with “OMG.”- Laugh Lines



Go-F**k-Yourself News

In case you missed it …

In its tireless effort to provide news and giggles for its readers, All Hat No Cattle offers this Monday glimpse back at the previous week with an emphasis on the weekend dump. (We mean the time preferred by government officials, politicians and titans of industry to release unsavory news in the hope it receives less media coverage – not the bathroom activity.)

Sun., 5-3-09
Catholic bishops mad, and they’re not going to take it anymore!
(AP) – This coming week, Bishop Thomas Wenski of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Orlando, Fla., will take the unusual step of celebrating a Mass of Reparation, to make amends for sins against God. The motivation: to provide an outlet for Catholics upset with what Wenski calls the University of Notre Dame's "clueless" decision to invite President Barack Obama to speak at its commencement and receive an honorary doctorate May 17.

The nation's flagship Catholic university's honoring of a politician whose abortion rights record clashes with a fundamental church teaching has triggered a reaction among the nation's Catholic bishops that is remarkable in scope and tone, church observers say.

At least 55 bishops have publicly denounced or questioned Notre Dame in recent weeks, employing an arsenal of terms ranging from "travesty" and "debacle" to "extreme embarrassment."

Sat., 5-2-09
We always suspected this tycoon must be a socialist
OMAHA, Neb. – Billionaire Warren Buffett said Saturday that the U.S. government is taking the correct actions to help the economy recover.

Buffett spoke briefly before the opening of the annual meeting for his Berkshire Hathaway Inc., expected to draw an audience of roughly 35,000 people.

"The government is doing the right things," Buffett said. "They're acting in a countercyclical manner."

Fri., 5-1-09
No solutions for economy or wars, so Republican tackles football issue
WASHINGTON (AP) – Tackling an issue sure to rouse sports fans, lawmakers pressed college football officials Friday to switch the Bowl Championship Series to a playoff, with one Texas Republican likening the current system to communism and joking it should be labeled "BS," not "BCS."

John Swofford, the coordinator of the BCS, rejected the idea of switching to a playoff, telling a House panel that it would threaten the existence of celebrated bowl games.

Rep. Joe Barton of Texas, who has introduced legislation that would prevent the NCAA from calling a game a national championship unless it's the outcome of a playoff, bluntly warned Swofford: "If we don't see some action in the next two months, on a voluntary switch to a playoff system, then you will see this bill move."

Thurs., 4-30-09

And then I want to cure cancer, save the whales and right a great novel

NEW YORK (AP) – The reigning Miss California has gone to Washington to help launch a campaign opposing same-sex marriage.

Carrie Prejean told NBC's "Today" show Thursday that she'll be working with the National Organization for Marriage to "protect traditional marriages."

The 21-year-old says that marriage is "something that is very dear to my heart" and she's in Washington to help save it.

She says many people have thanked her for standing up for traditional marriage.

Wed., 4-29-09
How about changing his name to jerk?
LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) – No, the judge said to a 23-year-old Nebraska prison inmate. You can't call yourself "Sinner Lawrence Bilskirnir." Court documents said Jonathan L. Thomas cited his Norse religion in seeking the name change, saying he "is a heathen and Thor is his 'High God.'"

But Lancaster County District Judge Steve Burns says government agencies need to closely track Thomas because of his criminal record and because there are three child-support cases against him.

Burns says Thomas' reasons do not satisfy the legal requirements.

In his ruling, Burns said that "simply because a person is a Christian, a Jew or a Muslim, they do not change their name to Moses."

Tues., 4-28-09
Specter chooses democracy over waterboarding
(TIME) – Pennsylvania Republican Senator Arlen Specter
turned the 111th session of Congress upside down Tuesday, announcing that he will switch parties and become a Democrat. The move was the product of weeks of intensive negotiation between Specter and Democrats in the Senate and the White House, and it favorably alters the balance of power for President Obama as he is facing tough votes in the months ahead on health care, energy and budget bills. "We are thrilled to have you," Obama reportedly told Specter on the phone just a few minutes after he learned of the switch Tuesday morning.

Mon., 4-27-09
It was those darn liberals who let us torture those A-rabs!
WASHINGTON (AP) – Top House Republicans are calling for the CIA to release to Congress its records on the classified briefings it conducted for lawmakers on its harsh interrogation program in an effort to establish what Democrats knew about those techniques.

A spokesman for the Republicans said Monday that they would decide whether to ask that the records be declassified after they have been handed over.

Members of Congress have divergent memories on what they were told and when, and whether they objected, questioned or agreed to the methods.







"Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there."
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)



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My son was in Beijing last weekend and took the above picture in one of the many museums he visited. Unfortunately he failed to note the artist's name. Below is a photo of one of the museums they visited.

Photo/DL Casey







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