Dick, Karl and George are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks Dick, "What is three times three?"

"274" is his reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling and says to Karl, "It's your turn, sir. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," says Karl.

The doctor shakes his head sadly then asks George, " George, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," he responds.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," George says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
 

 “Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert…arrived in Washington to meet with President Bush. He's talking with President Bush about the Israeli/Palestinian border. And believe me, if there's anyone you want border advice from, it's President Bush.” -- Jay Leno

Colleges and universities in Florida now are banned from using state money to travel to such countries as Cuba under a law Gov. Jeb Bush signed Tuesday.

The Travel to Terrorist States Act also prohibits spending state money on any aspect of organizing a trip to any of the five nations listed by the U.S. State Department as a state sponsor of terror.

The president's brother, Gov. Jeb Bush of Florida, sent a letter thanking the "Swifties" for "their willingness to stand up to John Kerry.

Unverified copy of the letter.

"The former Governor of New Jersey has written a book in which he said he had a lot of anonymous gay sex with a lot of different men. I'm sorry, that's the book Ken Lay's going to write in a few years." --Jay Leno

“There is big money in disasters,” New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said recently at a conference of mayors. “Huge money."

Although the contracts went to more than 1,200 businesses, including some small and minority-owned firms, most of the biggest deals were awarded to the giant construction and engineering companies that dominate the disaster-recovery business. These companies, including well-known names like Halliburton and Bechtel, tend to have deep political connections and long histories doing business with the government.
 

Meanwhile, Back in Pakistan

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno

The United States, in a major diplomatic shift, said on Wednesday it would join key European powers in talks with Iran if the Islamic Republic suspends its nuclear enrichment program.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the talks offer was part of a package of incentives and sanctions whose "essential elements" have been agreed with Britain, France and Germany.
 

So, the first thing that a President does, which I didn't realize, was pick a rug. I have no idea about rugs. And so in this job you've got to delegate. The American President is in a position where there's just unbelievable complexities to the job -- Darfur, Iran -- a whole lot of issues. So I delegated the decision about the rug to my wife.
 

 "The Capitol building in Washington, D.C. was on lock down because someone heard gunshots coming from the parking lot. When the Capitol police heard this, they all said the same thing: 'Cheney.'" --Jay Leno
 

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