Monday edition - May 24, 2010




Palin accuses Obama of being in bed with Big Oil

AFP - 5-24-10

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Right-wing darling Sarah Palin accused US President Barack Obama on Sunday of being lax in his response to the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster and suggested this was because he is too close to Big Oil.


BP says doing all it can, everyone's frustrated

BARATARIA BAY, La. - The BP executive in charge of fighting the Gulf of Mexico oil spill acknowledged Monday that everyone is frustrated at his company's failure to plug the gushing well more than a month into the disaster that is now spreading damage through Louisiana's wetlands.

Regulators probe firms' role in stock plunge

WASHINGTON - Federal regulators said Monday they are looking at whether big trading firms abandoned the market during the massive sell-off on May 6 rather than providing cash support required under law


"How to describe Rand Paul? I mean, he's a doctor. It's as if Sarah Palin somehow made it through medical school." –Bill Maher, on Kentucky Senate candidate and Tea Party hero Rand Paul


The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam


Step Right Up, Heroin For Ten Bucks!


Mexican drug smugglers are increasingly peddling a form of ultra-potent heroin that sells for as little as $10 a bag and is so pure it can kill unsuspecting users instantly, sometimes before they even remove the syringe from their veins.





Disturbing News

Jew versus Jews


President Barack Obama's chief of staff is in Israel to celebrate his son's bar mitzvah but some Israelis are displeased at the visit.

Rahm Emanuel is facing antipathy from ultranationalists who believe he's behind a U.S. demand to halt West Bank settlement construction.


"I guess he's trying to get the press to get off the racism thing, so his big thing today was that the oil spill in the Gulf was the blame game. He said, 'Sometimes accidents happen.' Which is not really what you want to hear from the guy who's doing your lasik surgery." –Bill Maher





Republican-Shenanigans News


"A family values conservative Republican from Indiana, Mark Souder, has admitted to having an affair with a woman on his staff. Apparently Souder would take this woman to remote locations inside state parks and have sex with her. See, this is what Republicans mean when they talk about opening up our public lands for drilling." –Jay Leno



Rock-The-Voter News


Blasting 'lamestream media,' Palin Attacks Satirical Article


A reader points out that one of the fed-up claims in Sarah Palin's defense of Nikki Haley -- that the "lamestream media" reported she was "living in the Hamptons" -- refers to a pretty blunt and obvious satire in a local New York publication, Dan's Papers. Most of the "article" concerns the reporter's discovery of a stack of index cards and e-mails between a dopey Palin and an aide.


"Good news in the oil situation. BP said they found a way to start breaking up their oil slick. The bad news is it involves a toxic chemical called Corexit 9527A. Apparently this is moving us further from a solution and closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." –Bill Maher



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Biz-Tech News



"The Pulitzer Prize for fiction was handed out today, given to Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal for his Vietnam War memoir." –Jay Leno





David Letterman's "Top Ten Things Overheard At The White House State Dinner"

10. 'May we see your papers, President Calderon?'
9. 'What happened to the dumb guy who used to live here?'
8. 'May we see your papers, President Obama?'
7. 'The pinata is filled with worthless Euros'
6. 'Three whiskey sours and Chuck Schumer takes off his pants'
5. 'Sir, the Republicans are attempting to block the appetizers'
4. 'Lincoln's ghost! Run!'
3. 'Salahi? No, you're not on the list, but how about a lovely bottle of wine'
2. 'Hurry, it's Close-Up Magic Week on the 'Late Show''
1. 'Yes, Mr. Vice President, it is a big F-ing deal'


Bush-Prison-Torture News

Go-F**k-Yourself News


Only $100 to go!



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Lisa Casey
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Odd News


To Help You Deflate Photo


USA's Venus Williams returns the ball to Switzerland's Patty Schnyder during their first round match of the French Open tennis tournament at the Roland Garros stadium in Paris, Sunday, May 23, 2010.
Photo/Michel Spingler





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