Thursday edition - May 24, 2007

"Iraqi President Jalal Talabani is apparently dangerously obese, so he came to the United States to check into a weight-loss clinic. Talabani says he came here because America may not know how to run Iraq, but they sure as hell know how to run a fat camp." --Conan O'Brien

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

• U.S. military deaths in Iraq at 3,431 AP

• www.iraqbodycount.org

• Car bomb kills 27 at Iraq funeral: hospital source Reuters

• Body Found in Iraq Is That of Missing GI New York Times

• Roadside bombs kill at least 10 Afghan police Reuters

• U.S. approves Iraq funds transfer AP

• Edwards: 'War on Terror' Has Hurt US ABC News

• Clinton seeks Iraq withdrawal plan AP

• US issues nuclear warning to Iran as armada enters Gulf AFP

• Bush supports $120B Iraq war compromise AP

Clinton Erection

Kosovo Albanians plan to honor their "savior" Bill Clinton by erecting a statue of the former United States president in the capital of Serbia's breakaway province.

The three-meter (10-foot) tall monument is still under construction in a studio in Podujevo north of Pristina.

"He is our savior. He saved us from extermination," sculptor Izeir Mustafa told Reuters. "I was thrilled by the work because I know what he did for us."
 

"I intend to establish a legal defense fund at some point." - Monica Goodling

Disturbing News

• Spy drones added to Britain's "surveillance society" Reuters

• Rescuers Say Health of Lost Whales Is Worsening New York Times 

MONICA GOODLING, BARRED FROM TAKING ‘THE FIFTH,’ INVOKES THE ‘666th’

Monica and Alberto

In a statement late Wednesday, the Justice Department said Gonzales "has never attempted to influence or shape the testimony or public statements of any witness in this matter, including Ms. Goodling."

The meeting with his aide was only intended to "comfort her in a very difficult period of her life," Brian Roehrkasse, a spokesman, said in the statement.

Republican Shenanigans

• House GOP bid to reprimand Rep. Murtha fails CNN 

• No. 2 Senate Republican Calls for Passage of Immigration Bill New York Times, NY

• Helen Thomas: GOP presidential candidates are murky about torture Salt Lake Tribune, UT 

• Powerful Republican Tom Craddick facing coup attempt in House Killeen Daily Herald

Slot Machines at Military Bases Overseas

There are thousands of slot machines on military bases overseas. The military says the revenue from the slots -- well over $100 million annually -- is used to fund recreation programs overseas, such as swimming pools, movie theaters and concerts.

Critics say it is an outrage that the military, which has a budget of more than $500 billion this fiscal year, takes money from the pockets of its troops and runs slot machines that generate revenues that equal a medium-sized Las Vegas casino operation.
 

"Under this new congressional plan, illegal immigrants would be able to live in the United States if they pay a $5,000 fine. $5,000? So, that would rule out working people or parents trying to support a family. However, you would get to keep all the drug dealers." --Jay Leno

Rock-The-Voter News

• Clinton Camp Disavows Strategy Memo Washington Post 

No war for Prince Harry? Now where else have I heard about the progeny of the rich and powerful not going to war? Oh.
 

Biz-Tech News

• Pricey gasoline costs U.S. consumers extra $20 bln Reuters

• Go East, Young Halliburton Motley Fool

• China's Individual Investors Pay Little Heed to Greenspan Bloomberg 

• Jobless claims up for first time in six weeks MarketWatch

• Jail for Coke recipe thief Guardian Unlimited

• Internet ad revenue up 35% to $17 billion San Francisco Chronicle

• Ancestry.com puts 90M war records online AP

New Home Prices Surge Downward

Sales of new homes surged in April by the biggest amount in 14 years, but the median price of a new home dropped by the largest amount on record.

"Yesterday at his ranch in Texas, President Bush hosted the leader of NATO. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, 'Maybe some day I could visit you in Natonia.'" --Conan O'Brien

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• The bill for Hicks: $800,000 and counting Sydney Morning Herald, Australia 
   

Go-F***-Yourself News

• Mary Cheney Gives Birth to Baby Boy Washington Post, DC

"Experts said this is going to be a very busy hurricane season. To which FEMA said, 'Not for us'" --Jay Leno

Check your news IQ

Email

Subject: Duhbya's scary report

Yesterday Thuh President told the Coast Guard Academy
graduates about a foiled Osama bin Laden plot to
attack us again in 2005. Was I the only one who
thought OBL wouldn't have been planning attacks in
2005 if Duhbya'd gone after HIM instead of The Evil
Dictator? Just wonderin'.
 

Osama who?

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