Wednesday edition - May 24, 2006


Hastert demands FBI return documents
Cleveland Plain Dealer, OH - 5-24-06
House Speaker Dennis Hastert demanded Wednesday that the FBI surrender documents it seized and remove agents involved in the weekend raid of Rep. William Jefferson's office, under what lawmakers of both parties said were unconstitutional circumstances.

 VA didn't alert FBI for 2 weeks after data heist
Chicago Tribune, United States - 5-24-06
Veterans Affairs officials waited two weeks to call in the FBI to investigate the theft of sensitive personal data, delaying a warning to 26.5 million veterans now at risk in one of the nation's largest security breaches. Lawmakers from both political parties demanded answers

Prosecutor: Bush Official Aided Abramoff
San Francisco Chronicle,  USA - 5-24-06
A top procurement official in the Bush administration abandoned his duty to the public in order to serve lobbyist Jack Abramoff, and the official later concealed his conduct from investigators, a federal prosecutor said Wednesday.


My goodness, good thing the FBI raided a Democrat's office otherwise we might have had an old fashioned impeachment.



"President Bush has proposed sweeping immigration changes, which is pretty amazing when you consider before he became president, Bush thought immigration was the sincerest form of flattery." --Jay Leno






The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News


Get A Hummer and Get Gas at $1.99


Aiming to capitalize on consumer angst about the high cost of gasoline, General Motors Corp. on Tuesday said it would cap pump prices at $1.99 for customers in California and Florida who buy certain vehicles by July 5.



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Want an easy way out of your marriage? Join the National Guard.  -- Grant Gerver




Disturbing News


Illegal Interception: Jeb Bush, NFL Commissioner



Could Gov. Jeb Bush's future be in football instead of politics?

While U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has publicly flirted with the idea of becoming the next commissioner of the National Football League, Bush has been privately approached to gauge his interest in the job.

NOTE: From February 2006

Florida State expects this week to send information to the NCAA regarding a potential secondary violation involving Gov. Jeb Bush and Florida State football player Myron Rolle.





Republican Shenanigans




"President Bush signed a huge tax cut bill. He's hoping the tax cut for the rich will attract a wealthier, more affluent group of illegal immigrants." --Jay Leno




Subject: Truthout's claim of Rove's indictment


How come you didn't jump on the bandwagon of linking to Truthout's claim that Karl Rove was indicted? Bartcop claimed Rove was indicted, so did





I received many emails wanting me to post Truthout's claim.  As much as I would like to see Rove indicted, I couldn't find any other verification.  Even though this is a political humor site, I do try to be somewhat accurate on such a huge story before proclaiming it as fact.


Rock-The-Voter News



The Pentagon announced today the Iraq's border is 90% under control, which is pretty impressive when you realize San Diego's border is only 20% under control.  - Jay Leno







One Candidate Had Heart Transplant - Rival Candidate Needs Brain Transplant


A candidate for the California state Assembly says vote for me, not my rival because the opponent - a heart transplant recipient - could die in office.

``Can you imagine the costs to taxpayers for a special election when poor health renders him unable to fulfill the duties of office?'' former Modesto City Councilman Bill Conrad wrote in a mailing to voters...The mailer says in bold red letters, ``Tom Berryhill doesn't have the HEART for State Assembly,'' and suggests that he
might not survive the two-year term if elected because he had a heart transplant five years ago.

Good News



Condi's Right Hand Man Quitting?


U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick is close to quitting after failing to be promoted to Treasury Secretary and has been in talks about a job with Wall Street firms, newspapers reported on Wednesday.





Bush Blogs


I'm Numero Uno

Yep, I am the only U.S. president to raid the office of a U.S. Congressman, a Democrat, of course. And it's about time the president took control of that legislative body -- it makes it so much easier to get my agenda shoved through. Plus, I need to get my scandals out of the headlines.

Yeah, this Congressman, William Jefferson from Katrinaland Louisiana, accepted $100,000 bribe from an undercover FBI dude -- we have it on videotape. But what really burned my fern was that this dude hid $90,000 in his freezer wrapped in various food containers. How disrespectful. Any millionaire worth his salt, would make sure that cold hard cash is kept in a humidity controlled environment. Or better yet in a Swiss bank, Cayman Islands, etc...

See, that's why I'm president, I know how to take care of other people's money.







China: powered by Wal*Mart.   -- Grant Gerver



Biz-Tech News


Texas Justice


A Texas Supreme Court justice was admonished for improperly using his position to support close friend Harriet Miers when she was nominated for the U.S. Supreme Court last year.



Just what does "Damnesty" International mean by saying brutal terrorism is on the rise as the War on Terror fails?! Why, they oughta' be drawn and quartered (just not on U.S. or British soil).  -- Grant Gerver


Bush-Prison-Torture News



Crook Replaced by Conservative Editor, No One Notices


In the latest White House personnel changes, the editor of a conservative magazine will replace Claude Allen, the domestic policy adviser who left in February amid a shoplifting investigation.



Yesterday in India, the India stock market plunged 600 points, the largest crash in its history. Economists predict as a result, Indians could lose thousands of former American jobs.” -  Jay Leno


Go-F*ck-Yourself News





You want to get into the United States, you have to have legal documentation, or a 95-mile-per-hour fastball. -- David Letterman



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Odd News



The problem of counterfeit money is bringing at least one Japanese firm to its knees: In a new technology to detect counterfeit dollars from North Korea, a Tokyo hi-tech company is zooming bills 400 times and spreading them onto the ground, with experts examining the notes on their knees with magnifying glasses. (Photo/Kazuhiro Nogi)