Thursday edition - May 21, 2009

 

 

Cheney slams Obama in speech
CNN International - ‎5-21-09
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney defended the Bush administration's national security record Thursday and argued that President Obama is weakening the country's ability to combat al Qaeda and other extremists...

 

House Republicans to Seek Investigation of Pelosi
New York Times -5-21-09
By David M. Herszenhorn House Republicans said on Thursday that they would press for a bipartisan investigation of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi,

After Criticism From Cheney And Limbaugh, Powell Returns Fire
CBS News - 5-21-09‎
Infighting within the Republican Party continued yesterday when former Secretary of State Colin Powell fired back at former Vice President Dick Cheney and


 

This just cracks me up. A draft dodger and a bloated, big-mouthed, drug addict, want Colin Powell, who has spent a lifetime honorably serving his country, to get out of "their" party. Priceless.

 


 

President Obama appointed Utah’s Republican Governor Jon Huntsman as ambassador to China, part of Obama’s strategy to get every Republican out of the country by 2010. - Jimmy Fallon
 


 


The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam


War on Drugs in Afghanistan

 

American and Afghan forces seized 16.5 tons (15 metric tons) of drugs and killed 34 militants during a three-day operation against a key insurgent stronghold in southern Afghanistan, a U.S. military statement said Thursday.

 


 

"I love this, the Federal government now bailing out insurance companies. Billions of our dollars are going to some of the nation's top insurance companies to keep them from collapsing. Wow, too bad they didn't have insurance!" --Jay Leno
 


 


 

Disturbing News


 

100 mile per gallon Hummer?

 

Sen. Orrin Hatch was test-driving a plug-in hybrid Hummer H3, and the 75-year-old Utah Republican was having some technical difficulties.

"How do you start this baby?" Hatch asked of the executives who built the 100-mile-per-gallon SUV.
 

 


 


 

Republican-Shenanigans News


 


Giuliani's Son Sues Over Golf

 

Andrew Giuliani, the mayoral scion who sued Duke University after he was kicked off the school's varsity golf team, just had his Pings handed to him by a North Carolina magistrate. Judge Wallace Dixon recommended that the young Giuliani's suit be dismissed, and in doing so, cheekily used some classic golf-cinema references. From his written recommendation:
 


Email

Subject: renaming the republican party

 

hi, Lisa,
heard this morning that the republicans failed to adopt a resolution renaming the Democratic Party as the democrate socialist party. one illustrious member of the disloyal opposition said that even though it didn't happen, he hoped the attention to the issue made Americans appropriately fearful or something like that. that led me to the conclusion that the republican party ought to change its name, to the republicrap terrorist party. that has a nice ring to it, don'tcha think? :-) keep up the great work, pal. :-)
hugs,
Kathy
Murfreesboro, TN
 

republicrap terrorist party -- roflol --that says it all, doesn't it?

 


 

"Nation, you know I miss the Bush administration. At least with those guys, you knew where you stood, which was occasionally on a box while holding electrodes. That's why I was glad to see former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld ... featured in the latest issue of GQ. Apparently, they gave George Clooney the month off. The story is that during the Iraq war, Rumsfeld's briefings to President Bush had cover pages featuring war photography and passages from the Bible. Because obviously, briefings about a war you just launched are a snooze unless you add a little pizzazz. So they added quotes like this one from Isaiah, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' Of course, the answer was, 'The same soldiers, over and over again.' Then there's this one from Ephesians, 'Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground.' See, Rumsfeld knew the troops already had the full armor of God, so they didn't need the full armor of actual armor. These cover pages should surprise no one. Bush and Rumsfeld are men of faith. In fact, they considered changing the Pentagon into the Jesus fish [on screen: a photo of a 'building' shaped like the Jesus fish]." --Stephen Colbert

 

 


 


Rock-The-Voter News


Another Crazy Republican

 

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford said he wasted no time filing a federal lawsuit to trump legislators Wednesday after they overrode a veto and required him to seek $700 million in federal stimulus cash. He said the vote to force him to seek the cash was unconstitutional and that he would fight it in court.
 


 

Joe Biden accidentally revealed the location of the Vice President’s top secret bunker. The guy can’t help it. But he did apologize. He said, “I am so sorry for the mistake. The launch code is 85334. It will never happen again. It will never happen again. My Gmail password is robot23. What am I doing? The house key is under the plant near the doorstep.”- Jimmy Fallon

 



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Biz-Tech News


 

The economy is bad. Dick Cheney was hanging people by their ankles just to catch the change that fell out of their pockets. That’s how bad. - Jay Leno

 


 


Bush-Prison-Torture News


 

Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies

By Madeleine Begun Kane

 

It wasn’t bad enough that Sen. Jeff Sessions cited “tropical breezes” in extolling the glories of Gitmo. Now we have Sen. Jim Inhofe bragging about Gitmo’s health care — colonoscopies for inmates over fifty-five. Whoopee!

If I were British, I’d probably write this song parody:

Gitmo Prison, here I come.
Need a doc to check my bum.

But instead, I’ll have to settle for a limerick:

Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m moving to Gitmo real soon
Cuz I’m told inmate health care’s a boon.
Colonoscopies free
After fifty-five. Whee!
So please lock me up, Sen. Buffoon!
 


Go-F**k-Yourself News


 


 

If loaded guns are allowed in National Parks, my greatest fear is this: what if the animals get a hold of 'em?- Grant "Bud" Gerver

 


Today is Thursday, May 21, the 141st day of 2009. There are 224 days left in the year.

 

 



 

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Odd News


To Help You Deflate Photo

 

 

This image provided by Suzanne Davis on Saturday, May 16, 2009 shows Fin Keheler, 11, of Sandy, Utah, attempting to break the world record for the number of snails placed on the face for 10 seconds, during an attempt in Sandy Utah. Keheler is hoping to have the attempt verified by the Guinness Book of World Records.
Photo/Suzanne Davis

 

Peace.

 

 


 


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