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Tuesday edition - May 20, 2008
"Well, the
Pentagon announced this week, the reward for capturing al Qaeda leader in Iraq,
Abu Ayyub al-Masri dropped from $5 million to $100,000. Well, here's my
question. I mean, if nobody turned him in for $5 million, why would you then
turn him in for $100,000?" --Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
Hell, No, He Won't Go
Late last week a U.S. Army soldier stood in the rotunda of the Cannon House Office Building and announced during a press conference that he's now refusing orders for deployment to Iraq. Sergeant Matthis Chiroux, who served as a military photojournalist, gave his statement soon after a number of anti-war veterans testified before Congress...
"To give
you an idea of how low President Bush's approval rating is, during the flight of
Air Force One to the Middle East, they made him sit in the bathroom the entire
way. And while he was in Israel, President Bush launched a political attack on
Barack Obama. I guess he attacked him over there, so he doesn't have to attack
him over here." --Jay Leno
Disturbing News
Pork Barrel Politics
Despite numerous veto threats, senators in both parties have loaded up President Bush's war funding bill with a grab bag of domestic programs, including work permits for immigrant farm labor and heating subsidies for the poor.
"Huge political fireworks today after President Bush went to Israel and he talked about American politicians who might want to talk with Hamas or other leaders. Politicians who would sit down and appease terrorists. He said he would not do it. He would not put up with it. He would never talk to terrorists. And then he flew to Saudi Arabia to spend a couple of days with the Saudi royal family." --Jay Leno
Republican-Shenanigans News
Whiner-in-chief
In a letter to NBC News President Steve Capus, presidential counselor Ed Gillespie complained that a report on the "Today" show distorted Bush's remarks last week to the Israeli Knesset and did not include the president's objections to questions from reporter Richard Engel.
"On Wednesday, John Edwards officially endorsed himself for vice president. ... It's believed that Edwards' endorsement of Senator Obama will help Obama nail down the critical handsome millionaire vote." --Amy Poehler
Flying Penis Invades Russian Political Scene - Really!
Rock-The-Voter News
"On Wednesday, John Edwards officially endorsed himself for vice president. ... It's believed that Edwards' endorsement of Senator Obama will help Obama nail down the critical handsome millionaire vote." --Amy Poehler
Biz-Tech News
"President Bush said in an interview that he gave up golf in 2003 in support of the troops, because he thought playing golf during a war just sends the wrong message. You know what else sends the wrong message? Literally sending the wrong message [on screen: photo of Bush standing in front of the 'Mission Accomplished' banner]" --Amy Poehler
Bush-Prison-Torture News
Every Breath We Take
The head of the Environmental Protection Agency, after meeting with White House officials, reversed his earlier position and denied California's authority to enforce its own controls on tailpipe emissions in December, a U.S. House investigative committee found Monday.
Go-F**k-Yourself News
Subject: Comment
I just don't understand why
you feel the need to solicit money for what is essentially a collection of
quotes, pics, and comments from elsewhere on the web. Literally everything on
your "site" can be seen or heard elsewhere everyday. You write no articles or
original opinions, yet you beg money. I suppose, lucky for you, there are
suckers everywhere. That's what one that donates money to you is, just a sucker.
I'm all for bashing the worst president ever and the rebublic**ts, but your site
is the worst destination on the web. Have you ever had an original thought? Did
I have a good time today? Well, yes I did, now that I've told you how I feel
about your lousy site. Get a job, you hack.
Thanks for letting me know I'm a hack. I'll immediately notify my thousands of loyal viewers!
Actually, isn't a newspaper a collection of quotes, pics, and comments?
Don't my original cartoons count as "original thought"? I lost count at 4,000 about 3 years ago.
Who are you really angry at, Jim?
Please support All Hat No Cattle Offline Donation Lisa Casey PO Box 88 Ashford. AL 36312
Click here to e-mail a comment
Odd News
In this photo released by the Florida Keys News Bureau, a tiny solid gold combination toothpick and earwax scoop is displayed inside a clam shell Monday, May 19, 2008, in Key West, Fla. A Blue Water Ventures salvage diver recovered the artifact Sunday, May 18, about 40 miles west of Key West during a search for remains of the Spanish galleon Santa Margarita that shipwrecked in a 1622 hurricane. According to archaeologists, the 3-inch-long grooming tool is more than 385 years old and was probably worn on a gold chain. Estimated value could exceed $100,000. Photo/Florida Keys News Bureau, Bob Care
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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