Monday edition - May 11, 2009



Cheney backs Limbaugh over Powell on GOP future
The Associated Press - ‎5-11-09
WASHINGTON (AP) — Dick Cheney made clear Sunday he'd rather follow firebrand broadcaster Rush Limbaugh than former Joint Chiefs chairman Colin Powell into..


CBS analyst apologizes to Pelosi, Reid
United Press International - ‎5-11-09
PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla., May 10 (UPI) -- CBS Sports golf analyst David Feherty apologized Sunday to two top Democrats for joking that "any U.S. soldier" would kill them if given the opportunity.

Actor Gary Sinise floated as possible GOP savior
CNN Political Ticker - ‎5-11-09
She also named Generals David Petraeus and Ray Odierno as possible Republican saviors. “Both have denied any interest in a run for office,” she wrote

"We have a lot in common: He is a person of color. Although not a color that appears in the natural world." - Obama playfully savaged House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio), whose apparent fake tan has long been the butt of jokes inside the Beltway.



The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

The Stress Of War


BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) — A U.S. soldier in Baghdad opened fire on his fellow soldiers Monday, killing four Americans before killing himself, a senior defense official told CNN’s Chris Lawrence.

Three others were wounded in the incident at the U.S. military base, Camp Liberty, in Baghdad, the official said.



"President Obama announced today plans to either trim or eliminate 121 programs. The programs he wants to eliminate -- Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly." --Jay Leno


Lest we forget …

the moronic behavior of the past President who so seriously harmed our nation, All Hat No Cattle now offers a different notable quotation from George W. Bush each week.

“It’s very important for people to understand that when there’s more trade, there’s more commerce.” – April 21, 2001




Disturbing News

Just Slap Her Silly


Husbands are allowed to slap their wives if they spend lavishly, a Saudi judge said recently during a seminar on domestic violence, Saudi media reported Sunday.



A forthright and perky Bristol Palin promises to abstain from sex until the next time she has it. - Grant "Bud" Gerver




The Foot Shooting Continues


Polls show that most Republicans who haven't jumped ship want the party to move even further right; it takes vision to imagine a presidential candidate with national appeal emerging from a GOP primary in 2012. DeMint, the South Carolina Senator, greeted Specter's departure with the astonishing observation that he'd rather have 30 Republican colleagues who believe in conservatism than 60 who don't. "I don't want us to have power until we have principles," DeMint told TIME after firing up that tea-party crowd in Columbia. Voters certainly soured on unprincipled Republicans. But it's not clear they'd like principled Republicans better.



"Here is something that's causing a huge controversy here in California. Our governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, says it's time to start the debate on legalizing marijuana. Yeah. He says he 'wants some pot in every pot.'" --Jay Leno


Republican-Shenanigans News




"The Republicans aren't a party, they're a cult."- Bill Schneider, CNN election guru and former senior fellow at the right-wing American Enterprise Institute



Rock-The-Voter News


"Actually, The New York Daily News is reporting that John Edwards' mistress is mad about all this publicity, and she is now demanding a paternity test. Well, good luck getting John Edwards to give up a strand of hair. Never happen." --Jay Leno




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Biz-Tech News



Everybody is excited about the economy getting better and you kind of feel it everywhere you go. People have a smile on their face and a spring in their step. Here’s how you know the economy is actually starting to turn around a little bit. I saw Donald trump earlier today, and that thing on his head was wagging.- David Letterman


Bush-Prison-Torture News


"All the major networks carried it, except Fox. Fox is something -- they killed President David Palmer off on 24, they put his brother, President Wayne Palmer, into a permanent coma and now this. What does Fox have against black Presidents?"- Jimmy  Kimmel on President Obama's press conference and 100th day in office




Come Out of Hiding, Bush by Joseph C. Wilson IV

Go-F**k-Yourself News

In case you missed it …

In its tireless effort to provide news and giggles for its readers, All Hat No Cattle offers this Monday glimpse back at the previous week with an emphasis on the weekend dump. (We mean the time preferred by government officials, politicians and titans of industry to release unsavory news in the hope it receives less media coverage – not the bathroom activity.)

Sun., 5-10-09
Fly the friendly skies of Hooligan Air!
STOCKHOLM (AP) – Football fans assaulted a passenger and threatened flight attendants on a flight Sunday following a Swedish league match, police said.

The trouble started late Sunday on a Malmo Aviation plane with about 100 passengers, including fans of Stockholm club Djurgarden who were returning to the capital after an away match in Malmo, in southern Sweden, police and airline officials said.

Stockholm police spokesman Mats Eriksson said five people involved in a brawl were removed from the plane before takeoff but the ruckus continued during the flight and seven others were questioned by police upon arrival at Stockholm's Bromma airport.


Sat., 5-9-09
Let’s hope the U.S. decides to sign this treaty
GENEVA (AP) – A U.N.-sponsored treaty to combat highly dangerous chemicals has been expanded to include nine more substances that are used in pesticides, electronics and other products, U.N. officials said Saturday.

The additions include one called PFOS worth billions of dollars in a wide range of uses from making semiconductor chips to fighting fires. Another is lindane, a pesticide widely used in combatting head lice.

The chemicals accumulate in the environment up through the food chain and stay in people's bodies, said Donald Cooper, executive secretary to the Stockholm Convention on Persistent Organic Pollutants, or POPs.

He said they travel long distances in the air.

Fri., 5-8-09
Baptist school: Jesus didn’t want you to dance
FINDLAY, Ohio (AP) – A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.

Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School's prom Saturday.

Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.

The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an "incomplete" on remaining assignments, England said.

Thurs., 5-7-09
Can we check the peanuts that the GOP elephant has been eating?

WASHINGTON (AP) – President Barack Obama's pick to oversee food and drug safety pledged on Thursday to revamp protection of the nation's food supply to help prevent future disease outbreaks.

Dr. Margaret Hamburg, a bioterrorism expert who once served as New York City health commissioner, breezed through her confirmation hearing before the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions committee, with no senators expressing opposition.

Hamburg, 53, said she wants to restore public confidence in the Food and Drug Administration by putting science first and running an open and accountable operation.


Wed., 5-6-09
And here we thought it was the stench of an elephant corpse
KALAMAZOO, Mich. (AP) – An official said he's found a source of the city's long-running mystery stink. Public Services Director Bruce Merchant says the "rotten broccoli" smell that's bothered residents of northeastern Kalamazoo since last summer comes from the sewer system.

Merchant said a "junction chamber" that holds sewage near a now-closed Georgia Pacific paper plant no longer gets the volume of flow needed to cut odors. The chamber also gets 150-degree discharge from a packaging plant.


Tues., 5-5-09
AIG execs keep feeding at the taxpayer trough

(Politico) – The 2008 AIG bonus pool just keeps getting larger and larger.

In a response to detailed questions from Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.), the company has offered a third assessment of exactly how much it paid out in bonuses last year.

And the new number, offered in a document submitted to Cummings on May 1, is the highest figure the company has disclosed to date.

AIG now says it paid out more than $454 million in bonuses to its employees for work performed in 2008.

Mon., 5-4-09
Imagine how much it would have cost if she had shown both breasts

WASHINGTON (AP) – The Supreme Court on Monday ordered a federal appeals court to re-examine its ruling in favor of CBS Corp. in a legal fight over entertainer Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction.

The high court on Monday directed the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia to consider reinstating the $550,000 fine that the Federal Communications Commission imposed on CBS over Jackson's breast-baring performance at the 2004 Super Bowl.

The order follows the high court ruling last week that narrowly upheld the FCC's policy threatening fines against even one-time uses of curse words on live television.

Last year, the appeals court threw out the fine against CBS, saying the FCC strayed from its long-held approach of applying identical standards to words and images when reviewing complaints of indecency.



"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson




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The Hubble space telescope has captured this dramatic moment when a searing pulse of light from an exploding star races across the vast interstellar void of deep space. Hubble has made more than 880,000 observations and snapped over 570 000 images of 29 000 celestial objects over the past 19 years. Photo/NASA






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