It is so much fun watching Republicans beat each other up, shoot themselves in the foot, get historical facts ass backwards, say torture isn't torture and then they wonder why only 21% of Americans consider themselves Republicans. Republicans are just like George W. Bush. They can't admit a mistake.

"And in a move that has stunned Washington, D.C., longtime Pennsylvania Republican Senator Arlen Specter has switched parties. He is the first Republican senator to switch teams since Senator Larry Craig, I guess." --Jay Leno
 

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4,278 AP

• Car bombs kill at least 41 in Baghdad Shiite area AP

• Iraq: US soldier charged in fellow soldier's death AP

• 12 slain in shooting at Azerbaijan oil academy AP

• Series of gun attacks in southern Pakistan kill 34 AP

• US audit: Costs soar for Iraqi military training AP

• Taliban threatens wave of attacks against US surge AP

• Russian navy seizes 29 pirates off Somalia: report Reuters

• Russia signs border deal with Abkhazia, S. Ossetia AP

• Attacks kill 7 Mexican police in Tijuana AP

• Britain ends combat operations in Iraq

Endangering Our Troops

A series of civil lawsuits against defense contractors KBR and its former parent company Halliburton claims the companies endangered the health of U.S. troops and contractors in Iraq and Afghanistan by unsafely burning massive amounts of garbage on U.S. bases.

"The White House was on lockdown because a small plane flew into restricted airspace. Say what you want, but Dick Cheney would have shot that thing down." --Jimmy Fallon

Cheney Links Swine Flu to Al Qaeda

Disturbing News

• Mexico plans shutdown as WHO raises flu alert AP

• Scores of U.S. schools closed due to flu CNN

• New York City-sized ice collapses off Antarctica Reuters

"Unemployment is continually rising, foreclosures are through the roof. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, 'If this van's a-rockin', it's because we live here now.'" --Bill Maher
 

"This is, I mean, this is exciting. Air Force One was in New York City and apparently nobody knew. They didn't make the call. Hello! Air Force One comes to New York City and wants to take some pictures. They send it right up and start buzzing New York City. I mean, isn't this something you would expect from the Bush Administration?" --David Letterman
 

Republican-Shenanigans News

• NC Rep. Foxx calls hate crime murder case a 'hoax' The Associated Press

• RNC officials seek to rein in Steele Politico

• GOP sets sights on image makeover CNN

• Miss California to appear in marriage ad

• Palin supporters voice concerns about Sebelius MiamiHerald.com

"Dick Cheney is all over television defending this. He said yesterday, he would be happy to undergo waterboarding himself, but his heart might rust." --Bill Maher
 

Rock-The-Voter News

• Biden advises family to stay off planes, subways AP

• 50 million retirees to get $250 checks in May AP

"As you know, a big holiday is coming next week here in Los Angeles and Mexico: Sicko de Mayo." --Jay Leno
 

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil hovers near $50 amid swine flu concern AP

• Chrysler to find out if bankruptcy filing needed AP

• Asian markets recover as US data offset flu fears AP

• GM to force more than 1,000 dealers to close AP

"In economic news, ExxonMobil's profit last year was $45 billion. In second place was the company that makes those foreclosure signs." --David Letterman

Royalty Tortures

A videotape of a heinous torture session is delaying the ratification of a civil nuclear deal between the United Arab Emirates and the United States, senior U.S. officials familiar with the case said.

In the tape, an Afghan grain dealer is seen being tortured by a member of the royal family of Abu Dhabi, one of the UAE's seven emirates.

 

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Obama says waterboarding was torture AP

• Spanish court opens investigation of Guantánamo torture allegations guardian.co.uk

• US Asking EU to Take Detainees New York Times

"Republican Senator Arlen Specter has contracted donkey flu. Folks, this disease is now officially out of control. Back in 2004, we thought we had it contained to the coasts and the cities, but then it mutated and tore through the country [on screen: a map of 2004, showing most states as red states. The next map, from 2008, showed more blue states than there previously were]. Republicans tried to fight it off, but their white cells weren't strong enough, although they were very, very white [on screen: photos of four prominent Republicans]. Now, we should have seen this coming, folks. Specter was exhibiting the classic symptoms of donkey flu: mild fever, and being 21 points behind in Republican primary polls. I want to warn Maine Republican Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins to take every possible precaution. Donkey flu is highly contagious and virtually incurable. Only one man has ever beaten it, but clearly, it took a horrible toll [on screen: a photo of Independent Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut]." --Stephen Colbert

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Cheney talks up a storm over torture The China Post

"See all those people on the news walking around wearing those surgical masks, huh? For the swine flu. Suddenly Michael Jackson is not so crazy, huh? Yeah! I think we owe Michael an apology." --Jay Leno
 

Health Update

Thank you all for your get well wishes.

I'm surprised I was able to post a new edition today considering I feel so awful, but I just couldn't sleep last night and today's edition is the end product. I hope it wasn't too god-awful. My judgment is highly impaired! lol

35 donations to date

Thank you Matt and BJ!

Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312

Click here to email a comment

Odd News

• Police question black eye on octuplet mom's son AP

• Pork industry wants "swine" out of flu Reuters

• SKorean experts claim to have cloned glowing dogs AP

• Deputy quits after wife, mom-in-law take squad car AP

• Fear a high school reunion? Hire a stripper Reuters

• Man arrested for allegedly firing at water tower AP

To Help You Deflate Photo

In this photo released by Goodyear, Tyler Shoff, 15, of Akron, Ohio, crosses the finish-line beating NASCAR driver Greg Biffle by more than three car lengths at the Goodyear Fuel Max Challenge, a quarter-mile soap box derby race held at Derby Downs, site of the All-American Soap Box Derby, in Akron, Ohio, on Wednesday, April 29, 2009. Shoff, the 2007 Stock Div. Soap Box Derby World Champion, and Biffle a NASCAR Tuck Series and Busch Series champion raced in identical cars, except, Shoff's car was equipped with new Goodyear Assurance Fuel Max tires.
Photo/Goodyear, Phil Long

Peace.

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