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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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Thursday edition - April 27, 2006



Katrina agency faces closure call
BBC Bulgaria, Bulgaria - 4-27-06
The US Federal Emergency Management Agency (Fema) should be abolished and replaced with a new agency...The new agency would operate under the Department of Homeland Security, but be able to communicate directly with the president in the event of a disaster.

Rove Again Testifies to Jury in CIA Leak Case
Los Angeles Times, CA - 4-27-06
Presidential advisor Karl Rove was called again before a federal grand jury Wednesday, a surprise appearance signaling that a perjury and obstruction investigation into his role in a CIA leak case remained alive.

Hundreds of detainees abused, report finds
Contra Costa Times, CA - 4-27-06
Three human rights groups said Wednesday that they had found credible evidence that US troops and government civilians in Iraq, Afghanistan and Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, had abused, tortured or killed at least 460 detainees.


Now FEMA is going to be reorganized for the second time under Bush? Maybe he should ask someone with experience, and call Bill Clinton and ask how he had a successful FEMA to save time? Gee, hurricane season is about five weeks away.



"Josh Bolten has put together a five-point recovery plan to help push President Bush up in the opinion polls. How about a five-point plan to get out of Iraq, wouldn't that push up the opinion polls?" --Jay Leno




The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News



The Bush credo: "We broke it, we keep breakin' it, and there's no need to fix it." -- Grant Gerver


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No Invitation or Rose Petals for Rice and Rumsfeld


Iraqi officials said they, too, were surprised by the unannounced arrival of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, and some said they feared it could disrupt negotiations to form a new government, and erode its legitimacy.

"We didn't invite them," said Kamal Saadi, a Shiite legislator close to the newly named prime minister, Nouri al-Maliki.




Disturbing News



The Fox Republican News Network and the GOP have now formally merged.-- Zing!




New Orleans - The Struggle Continues


A New Orleans Black activist who prefers anonymity put it this way: “People say that you’re an Uncle Tom if you support Mitch [Landrieu] for mayor. Another brother answers, ‘but you’ve already got an Uncle Tom in office.’”

By the logic of the anecdote, one-quarter of New Orleans Blacks could be viewed as having Tomish tendencies, while two-thirds want four more years of Uncle Tomism at city hall.





Republican Shenanigans

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Soaring oil and gas prices are God's way of punishing Republicans.-- Grant Gerver



FEMA Report Recommends Dismantling Bush Administration

The Federal Emergency Management Agency has released a report
suggesting the current Executive Branch of government be completely scrapped.





Women Shun Santorum

Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa) stunned new

shade of lipstick turns women off.

 (AHNC Photo)


Facing a stiff reelection challenge, Sen. Rick Santorum (R., Pa.) reached out yesterday to a vital constituency: female voters.

Santorum was host to a "Professional Women's Conference on the Hill" and invited 3,000 community leaders, university officials, and other women from Pennsylvania. About 90 women attended.


Rock-The-Voter News






"Republicans in Congress are demanding that President Bush investigate whether oil companies are now gouging consumers on these gas prices. That's a good idea, Republicans asking Republicans to investigate other Republicans. And you know who they're going to blame? The Democrats." --Jay Leno



Republican Sodomy Okey Dokey - Democrat Misdemeanor goes to the Pokey


  1. Two young men charged with sodomizing 18 boys at a youth camp last year have been offered a plea agreement that may net them little jail time and no record of sexual assault.
    Clifton Bennett, 18, the son of Arizona Senate President Ken Bennett [Republican] , and his co-defendant, Kyle Wheeler, 19, were charged in January

  2. A congresswoman's son and three Democratic campaign workers were sentenced Wednesday to four to six months in jail for slashing tires outside a Bush-Cheney campaign office on Election Day 2004.

    The men pleaded no contest in January to misdemeanor property damage. A fifth worker was found not guilty.






Good News



"In a speech this week, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said America needs to work together to conserve oil. Then Arnold lit a cigar and drove over the crowd in his hummer." --Conan O'Brien



Biz-Tech News




"The big rumor in Washington is that President Bush is about to hire Tony Snow of Fox News to be his new press secretary. His job will be to defend everything the president does, so it's basically a lateral move." --Jay Leno


Bush-Prison-Torture News


"There was a sign at the station near by my house that said, 'We take Visa, MasterCard, Discover Card, and American Express.' After I filled up they took my Visa, MasterCard, my Discover Card, and my American Express." --Jay Leno





Go-F*ck-Yourself News

  • ?



Actually some good news... Britney Spears' baby took his first steps today. The bad news is, he walked to the liquor store and bought cigarettes. -- Jay Leno


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Odd News






Egyptian Peace Boat: A boat motors near the Red Sea resort of Dahab, Egypt, yesterday, condemning Monday's terrorist attacks. (Photo by Anja Niedringhaus)









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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, Guide to Political Humor.







Daily Frontpage   Archives     You might be a right wing Republican if..What Liberal Media?   Republican Presidential Quotations   Bush-Cheney Political Contributions   Cream of the Crop Links  T-Shirts, Mugs and More    Please donate so I can put food on my family  Subscribe to AHNC About AHNC   Advertise on All Hat No Cattle  Contact me  Copyright Notice

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