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Tuesday edition - April 22, 2008
Condi and Dubya have so much in common -- they're both miserable failures.
"Hillary Clinton now, over the weekend says that she is pro-gun, likes guns, and lovers to hunt ducks. Vice President Dick Cheney said 'Ooh stop, you're making me hot.'" --David Letterman
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam
Iran Update
Defense Secretary Robert
Gates said he believes Iran is "hell bent" on acquiring nuclear weapons, but he
warned in strong terms of the consequences of going to war over that.
"How many watched the debate last night? [on screen: Light cheers and a few boos]. How many watched 'American Idol?' [on screen: Loud cheers and applause]. You get the government you deserve." --Jay Leno
Disturbing News Tomatoes In Baghdad
Three months after US
forces dropped tons of bombs on Arab Jubur and put Al-Qaeda to flight,
farmers are everywhere out in their fields tending their tomatoes.
Republican-Shenanigans-News
Another GOP Lawbreaker
A former high-ranking Justice Department official was accused Monday of criminal conflict of interest in the latest case stemming from the investigation of disgraced GOP lobbyist Jack Abramoff.
"And
Ralph Nader, God bless him. Ralph Nader said today, he has not taken $1 in
campaign contributions. Oh, he wants to. He just can't get anybody to give him
$1." --Jay Leno Rock-The-Voter-News
If John Kerry had been elected president four years ago, do you suppose the price of Heinz ketchup would have tripled by now? - Zing!
Biz-Tech-News
"And with oil prices hitting an all-time high, Barack Obama promised today if he is elected, he will fund research to develop a car that runs on the bitterness of economically-strapped Pennsylvania voters." --Jay Leno
Felons Welcome!
The felons accepted into the army and marines included 87 soldiers convicted of assault or maiming, 130 convicted of non-cannabis-related drug offences, seven convicted of making terrorist threats, and two convicted of indecent behaviour with a child. Waivers were also granted to 500 burglars and thieves, 19 arsonists and nine sex offenders.
"And not to be outdone on this subject, George Bush made a speech this week on global warming. The good news? He finally admits it's real. The bad news? He wants to invade the sun." --Bill Maher
Bush-Prison-Torture-News
Go-F**k-Yourself=News
Did you have a good time today?
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Odd News
Alicia
Silverstone appears in this publicity photo for a campaign promoting
vegetarianism by the animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals.
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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