Monday edition - April 13, 2009



Americans stick to their guns as firearms sales surge - ‎4-13-09‎
At the Guns and Ammo Warehouse they are reluctant to admit Barack Obama is right about very much. But customers enjoy the thought that his controversial campaign comment, that "bitter" small-town Americans are clinging to their guns, has proved more true than the president could have imagined.

Texas Rep. Betty Brown apologizes for statement on Asian-Americans
Dallas Morning News - ‎Apr 12, 2009‎
AP AUSTIN – State Rep. Betty Brown has apologized for her remarks regarding the names of voters of Asian descent. During a hearing last week on a bill that

No degree, but ASU names scholarship for Obama
The Associated Press - ‎Apr 11, 2009‎
TEMPE, Ariz. (AP) — Stung by criticism of its decision not to award President Barack Obama an honorary degree when he makes a commencement address next


"Hey, before we get started tonight, I want to remind any potential cabinet members you have until April 15th to not pay your taxes, okay?" --Jay Leno




The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam


To save on postage and handling, the IRS is asking Americans to send their tax payments directly to AIG, Citi, Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, B of A, or GM. --Grant "Brad" Gerver

Iraq versus the Media


 Iraqi authorities are seeking to close the Baghdad offices of a major Arab newspaper and a television station, alleging they falsely reported that orders had been issued to arrest ex-detainees recently released by the U.S.






Disturbing News

He Asked, He Told


As a cadet at the U.S. Military Academy, Dan Choi faced an ethical dilemma.

The academy's honor code was clear, beginning "A cadet will not lie." Yet as a gay man, Choi felt bound by the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy to be untruthful about who he was.


Dogged Journalism
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a new White House dog. Stop the presses!
Yes, at last there’s an end to the guesses:
What dog will Obama
Acquire? Next drama:
Just who will clean puppy Bo’s messes?





The economy's been "ruff" on the Shih Tzus: their doghouse just went into foreclosure. --Grant "Brad" Gerver



Republican-Shenanigans News





Ten priests from the order that founded Notre Dame say the school risks losing its “true soul” by inviting President Obama to speak at their commencement. A school official asked, “But we won’t lose our offensive line, right?”- Laugh Lines



Seeing Red Over Rep. Betty Brown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If your name hails from Asia, it’s hard.
So don’t bitch if your ballot is barred.
Said Rep. Brown, “Change your name,”
Cuz your name is to blame
For confusing us. What a canard!

Please take heed if your name’s Cho or Wu,
And here’s what I think you should do:
Simply pity Rep. Brown.
She’s a prejudiced clown.
La femme est chauvine et sans clue.

Rock-The-Voter News

 VA versus the Media


Amid protest from journalists groups, the Veterans Affairs Department agreed late Friday to return a radio reporter's recording equipment that it had seized three days earlier as he attempted to interview an injured veteran about VA health care.





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Biz-Tech News

Bush-Prison-Torture News

Family Feud Update


A recent statement by a spokesperson for Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin only served to fuel the media’s coverage of the ongoing feud between Palin’s family and that of Levi Johnston, the father of Palin’s infant grandson and the ex-fiance of Palin’s teenage daughter, two journalists said Sunday.



Lest we forget …

the moronic behavior of the past President who so seriously harmed our nation, All Hat No Cattle now offers a different notable quotation from George W. Bush each week.

“Our nation must come together to unite.” – June 4, 2001


Go-F**k-Yourself News


In case you missed it …

In its tireless effort to provide news and giggles for its readers, All Hat No Cattle offers this Monday glimpse back at the previous week with an emphasis on the weekend dump. (We mean the time preferred by government officials, politicians and titans of industry to release unsavory news in the hope it receives less media coverage – not the bathroom activity.)

Sun., 4-12-09
And your mama’s an ape!
CAIRO (Reuters) – An Egyptian state-controlled newspaper escalated a row with Lebanon's Hezbollah Sunday by calling its leader, Hassan Nasrallah, a "monkey sheikh."

Tensions between Egypt, a predominantly Sunni country, and Hezbollah, a Shi'ite group backed by Iran, have been running high since Nasrallah in December accused Cairo of complicity with Israel in its siege of the Gaza Strip.

Cairo said Wednesday it had detained 49 men linked to Hezbollah, accusing them of planning attacks in Egypt.

Sat., 4-11-09
Homeowner should be grateful for foreclosure
PROVO, Utah (AP) – A large boulder tumbled down a Provo hillside Saturday and bounced through the second-story wall of a house before crashing through the floor into a basement-level garage.

Provo Fire and Rescue Battalion Chief Jeremy Craft said the four-story home is for sale and was empty at the time.

The boulder could weigh as much as 1,000 pounds and would fill the back of a pickup truck, said property manager Carl Cauffman, who added that the house is in foreclosure and has been empty for several months.

Fri., 4-10-09
I am a moron from Texas and proud of it

(Fort Worth – Every session, somebody in the Texas Legislature says something so phenomenally stupid, America takes note.

This session, that task has fallen Rep. Betty Brown, a Terrell Republican, who came from her East Texas ranch to tell a Chinese-American lawyer at a "voter ID" hearing that if Asian-Americans can’t get accurate IDs, they should pick new names "easier for Americans to deal with."


Thurs., 4-9-09

Congratulations on your promotion and new funeral insurance policy
( – While some 13 million Americans are out of work these days, those still with jobs might have a strange new thing to worry about - getting a promotion can be bad for you, a new study suggests.

British researchers found that when people get promoted, they suffer on average about 10 percent more mental strain and are less likely to find the time to go to the doctor.


Wed., 4-8-09
We wanna be just like the Soprano kids!
MEXICO CITY (Reuters) – Shunning the gem-studded pistols and gold chains flaunted by their fathers, a savvy new generation of drug smugglers is moving up the ranks of Mexico's cartels wielding college degrees and keeping low profiles to outsmart police.

The fashionably-dressed sons of two prominent drug bosses were recently arrested in smart Mexico City neighborhoods, suspected of laundering money for the Juarez and Sinaloa cartels while moving seamlessly among the country's elite.

They typify a new wave of leaders of Mexico's warring drug cartels, whose turf wars killed 6,300 people last year. Often the urbane offspring of cartel founders, they bring a clean-cut management style to the murky multibillion dollar enterprise.


Tues., 4-7-09
How will Senate survive without Fourth Stooge Coleman?
ST. PAUL, Minn. – Democrat Al Franken's lead in Minnesota's U.S. Senate race widened Tuesday to 312 votes after previously rejected absentee ballots were added to the counting.

Franken did better than Republican Norm Coleman by a nearly 2-to-1 margin as the ballots were opened and counted as part of a lawsuit brought by Coleman over the statewide recount. A three-judge panel ruled earlier that 351 ballots had been improperly rejected during the election and should be restored.

Franken led by 225 votes going into Tuesday's count of those ballots.


Mon. 4-6-09
This must be the silver lining in nation’s economic cloud
WASHINGTON (AP) – U.S. highway deaths in 2008 fell to their lowest level in nearly 50 years, the latest government figures show, as the recession and $4 per gallon gas meant people drove less to save more.

Safety experts said record-high seat-belt use, tighter enforcement of drunken driving laws and the work of advocacy groups that encourage safer driving habits contributed to the reduction in deaths.




Subject: You've got a payment


Retention Bonus




Big, big hug, Archie.

I am thrilled to be one of the few that receive retention bonuses!




Over a third of the way there! Thank you!




22 donations to date


This weekend's donations: Thanks Archie


Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312


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Odd News

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Baghdad bunny : A US army medic wears a bunny mask while celebrating Easter in Tarmiyah, north of Baghdad.
Photo/Ali Yussef






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