TGIF/Weekend edition - March 31 - April 2, 2006


Bush visits Mexico, touts guest worker programs
San Mateo Daily Journal, CA -
CANCUN, Mexico — With Mexican President Vicente Fox at his side, President Bush gave Congress a long-distance ...


Blackburn mosque cancels Rice invitation
Guardian Unlimited, UK -- 3-31-06

Muslim leaders yesterday withdrew an invitation to the US secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice, to visit a mosque in the Blackburn constituency of the home ...

Condoleezza Rice says US 'not the world's jailer'
Monsters and -- 3-31-06
London - US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice Friday sought to allay European concern over Washington's 'war on terror' by saying that the US had 'no desire to be the world's jailer.'


Wouldn't it be funny if Laura Bush had hired an illegal nanny from Mexico when her twins were born?



"The good news is that Congress is cracking down on illegal immigration. The bads news: a head of lettuce will now cost $300." --Jay Leno








The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News



Privatizing the Apocalypse

As Los Alamos goes up to sale, what does it mean to live in a for-profit nuclear world?






Disturbing News

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I Hope Review - "Like the best social commentary it slips in under your radar while you're busy appreciating the art." - James McSweeney

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"Speaking of President Bush, right now he's in Cancun, Mexico. He's down there looking for tequila of mass destruction." --David Letterman



Where Has All the Money Gone?


For close to $1 billion, airport security officials think they ought to have closed circuit televisions that work, telephones that can put callers on hold and radios that reach all corners of the airport.


Click here to see the Transportation Security Agency's Poster on this website - Very Scary







"This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it 'white people.'" --Jay Leno


Republican Shenanigans



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Presidential candidate Bill Frist admits that “as a surgeon, I did my best work when people were sound asleep.” Now we know why he thinks he could be a good president.-- Zing!




202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the United States of America George Herbert Walker Bush, and currently serving as President of the United States of America. This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by correspondence. I came to know of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring maximum confidence.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the republic of Iraq. My partners and I solicit your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely served his country as director of the United States Central Intelligence Agency.

In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then vice-president of the United States of America, sought to work with the good offices of the President of the Republic of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring Islamic republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling-out with his Iraqi partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring emirate of Kuwait, a wholly-owned U.S.-British subsidiary.

My father re-secured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991 at a cost of sixty-one billion U.S. dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other Persian gulf monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by German and Japanese partners. But my father’s former Iraqi business partner remained in control of the republic of Iraq and its petroleum reserves.

My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for the costs of removing him from power. unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisition and in long-term management.

Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.

I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.

I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this business transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to co-operate in this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.

I pray that you understand our plight. My family and our colleagues will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict confidence to the contact numbers below.

Sincerely with warm regards,

George Walker Bush

Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461




Rock-The-Voter News




"President Bush is in Mexico this week and while he's there, he's going to visit the ancient Mayan ruins. Apparently, Bush is trying to learn from his mistakes because today he promised that FEMA will help the Mayans rebuild." --Conan O'Brien


Good News





Yesterday, President Bush gave a big speech about immigration reform. I don't know. Is President Bush really the best guy to talk about entering another country illegally? -- Jay Leno



Biz-Tech News




Bush-Prison-Torture News



Out of curiosity, just how high must a fence be to keep your average illegal alien out of the United States? Is there, like, a mathematical formula?.-- Grant Gerver 



Disrobing Scalia


A freelance photographer has been fired by the Archdiocese of Boston’s newspaper for releasing a picture of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia making a controversial gesture in the Cathedral of the Holy Cross on Sunday...Smith said Scalia said, “To my critics, I say, ‘Vaffanculo,’ ” while making the gesture. That’s Italian for (expletive) you. 




Go-F*ck-Yourself News



Don't Pray -- Send Flowers Instead


...researchers at the Harvard Medical School and five other U.S. medical centers found, to their bewilderment, that coronary-bypass patients who knew strangers were praying for them fared significantly worse than people who got no prayers. The team speculated that telling patients about the prayers may have caused "performance anxiety," or perhaps a fear that doctors expected the worst...




Mining disaster survivor, Randal McCloy, is nothing short of miraculous. Please join me in prayer that he's not a Republican.-- Grant Gerver 


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Odd News


The Indian baby elephant 'Kwai Lwin Htoo' is seen as it is presented to the media at the zoo in Cologne March 31, 2006. The elephant was born by its mother 'Khaing Luin Htoo on March 30 and it is the first birth of an elephant in the zoo of Cologne. Photo/Ina Fassbender