Monday edition - March 30, 2009




Diplomat blows off Cheney dig at Obama
CNN - 3-30-09
WASHINGTON (CNN) – U.S. special envoy Richard Holbrooke, a senior diplomat in Obama’s State Department, said Sunday that he didn’t understand where Cheney was coming from with his criticism.

“I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about,” Holbrooke said,

Perry-Hutchison battle could impact GOP nationwide
Houston Chronicle - ‎3-30-09
The gloves are already off as rivals start gubernatorial primary early, but some wonder if the bitter fight will further split the party...

Bunch of hot air? California isn't banning black cars
San Jose Mercury News - ‎Mar 28, 2009‎
Even conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh weighed in, urging listeners to rush out and buy a black car before they were pulled from the market


Rush, Cheney, Palin and Bush are the leaders of the GOP. This promises years of laughter.


"Former Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson is writing a book about his role in the Bush administration during the economic crisis. It's weird, the book starts on Chapter 11. That's odd." --Jimmy Fallon



The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

The British Are Leaving! The British Are Leaving!


The beginning of the end came with a banquet, a marching band playing under grey skies, and a jewel-encrusted golden fish.

After six years in which Britain has been regarded as friend and foe, liberator and occupier, the army's formal withdrawal from Iraq began yesterday when it handed over its last remaining command post in Basra, the base at the Shat al-Arab hotel.

Tomorrow, the army will surrender its main base to the US army, clearing the way for a full withdrawal by early summer


I have a plan to end the war in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Here’s what we do. We bring all our soldiers home. We send in our investment bankers. They’ll screw up the place in six months. Six months! - Jay Leno





Disturbing News

April Fools' Joke?


The fast-moving Conficker computer worm, a scourge of the Internet that has infected at least 3 million PCs, is set to spring to life in a new way on Wednesday — April Fools' Day.




"India, that country that we keep calling to fix our computers, has announced plans to manufacture the world's cheapest car. They call it a car, we call it a shoe."-Jimmy Kimmel



Republican-Shenanigans News

Where In The World Is Jeb Bush?



Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush received $241,046 in total compensation for serving as a member of the board of directors of Tenet Healthcare Corp. in 2008....Bush, who served as Florida’s governor from 1999 to 2007, also serves on the board of directors of Rayonier Inc. (NYSE: RYN), a real estate development company based in Jacksonville, and on the boards of several private companies, including Angelica Corp. CNL Bancshares Inc., CorMatrix Cardiovascular Inc. and Empagio Inc.


"He had this really funky Gator beach towel that always seemed to show up after a storm was coming. He'd just park himself in that thing. It will give me a warm feeling in my heart if I see him on TV and he has that Gator blanket at FEMA headquarters whenever a storm is approaching. It will be kind of comforting." - Jeb Bush commenting on President Obama's newly nominated FEMA Administrator Craig Fugate



Please help me put food on my family

Bills are due tomorrow!

Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312


Rock-The-Voter News


Republican Road To Remedial Math (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The purported Republican budget
Has no numbers, so how can we judge it?
There’s no dollars or sense
In this PR offense.
It appears they decided to fudge it.




The economy is so bad, on “Sesame Street,” they won’t even talk about letters “A,” “I,” or “G” anymore.- Jay Leno


Ads by Google



Biz-Tech News

It's Obama's Fault!


Stocks fell sharply at Monday's open after the White House rejected turnaround plans from General Motors and Chrysler.



A construction worker from Queens, New York, used Bernard Madoff’s prison number to play the lottery and won. The guy won $1,500. Bernard Madoff, of course, is in prison for luring money from rich people in a giant scam that promised to make them richer. But don’t confuse him with the state lottery, which lures money away from poor people in a giant scam that promises to make them richer.- Jay Leno



Bush-Prison-Torture News

Condoms Leaving Alabama For China


About 300 Alabamians may lose their jobs because the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) will now purchase cheaper condoms from China and South Korea instead of from Alatech in Eufala, Alabama...“We pay taxes down here, too,” Fannie Thomsas, an Alatech worker, told The Star. "And with all this stimulus money going to save jobs, it seems to me like they should share this contract so they can save jobs here in America."


Go-F**k-Yourself News

In case you missed it …

In its tireless effort to provide news and giggles for its readers, All Hat No Cattle offers this Monday glimpse back at the previous week with an emphasis on the weekend dump. (We mean the time preferred by government officials, politicians and titans of industry to release unsavory news in the hope it receives less media coverage – not the bathroom activity.)

Sun., 3-29-09
Diners can have a ball at Testicle Festival

OAKDALE, Calif. (AP) – The fundraising idea may seem a little nuts, but Oakdale's annual Testicle Festival is always a big hit. On Monday, volunteers with the town's Rotary Club plan to fry up 400 pounds of the private parts of bulls and serve them to diners who pay $50 apiece for the sit-down meal.

The event, whose proceeds also benefit the Oakland Cowboy Museum, has drawn an average of 450 people and last year raised $28,000.


Sat., 3-28-09

God must be mad at Alabama, Mississippi

BILOXI, Miss. (AP) – A spring storm dumped heavy rains, baseball-sized hail and whipped up winds across the Southeast on Saturday, flooding homes and cars in parts of Mississippi and Alabama.

About 100 roads in southern Mississippi were impassable at the height of the bad weather because of the flooding, including the main route into Biloxi, Harrison County Emergency Management Director Rupert Lacy said. Some residents had to be rescued from their stalled and stranded cars, and others were helped from their flooded homes, Lacy said.


Fri., 3-27-09

Jury acquits abortion doctor, but witch hunt continues

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) – One of the nation's few late-term abortion providers was acquitted Friday of misdemeanor charges stemming from procedures he performed, but moments after the verdict the state's medical board announced it was investigating allegations against him that are nearly identical to those the jury had rejected.

Prosecutors had alleged that Dr. George Tiller had in 2003 gotten second opinions from a doctor who was essentially an employee of his, not independent as state law requires, but a jury took only about an hour to find him not guilty of all 19 counts.


Thurs., 3-26-09
Republican budget plan short on numbers, long on wind

WASHINGTON (AP) – House Republicans released their response to President Barack Obama's deficit-laden budget Thursday — a glossy pamphlet short on detail and long on campaign-style talking points.

It promises to simplify the tax code and cut income tax rates to 10 percent for people making $100,000 or less. The brochure itself promises to cut domestic spending below current levels, and that pledge seems to include Social Security and Medicare. Republican aide Matt Lloyd clarified later that the politically sensitive programs won't face outright cuts.

It's impossible to determine the projected deficit based on their offering.


Wed., 3-25-09
Lack of money might do what rain, sleet and snow could not
WASHINGTON (AP) – Postmaster General John Potter said Wednesday the financially strapped U.S. Postal Service will run out of money this year without help from Congress.

The only lingering question, Potter told a House subcommittee, is which bills will get paid and which will not. He did say ensuring the payment of workers' salaries comes first. But Potter also said other bills may have to wait.

Potter's appearance came as the agency, which has lived on a reputation of serving through wind, rain and all sorts of obstacles, seeks permission to reduce mail delivery to five days a week. It also wants to change the way retiree health benefits are amassed to save money.

"We are facing losses of historic proportion," he said. "Our situation is critical."

Tues., 3-24-09
Smokey the Bear will need to pack heat

(Greenwire) – Two House Republicans today will push to add an amendment to the public lands omnibus that would codify the right to carry concealed weapons in national parks, less than a week after a federal judge blocked a similar proposal.
The amendment would reverse the Interior Department's 26-year-old firearms policy by allowing visitors to carry concealed weapons into parks and refuges in states with laws that allow concealed firearms -- even if those states have outlawed concealed weapons in their own parks.


Mon., 3-23-09
Mexico no longer a spring break destination

WASHINGTON (AP) — An epidemic of drug-related violence that has claimed thousands of lives in northern Mexico and begun to spill over into U.S. border cities has once again thrust Mexico into the first tier of President Barack Obama's security concerns.

The administration announced that it is sending more federal agents and high-tech equipment to the U.S.-Mexican border in an attempt to blunt violence in both countries. One aim is to stanch the flow of U.S. weapons into Mexico, which Mexican officials say is fueling the drug wars.

The new steps are a response to a growing outcry by politicians in border states and on Capitol Hill . There have been more than 7,000 drug-related murders in Mexico since January 2008 and the violence, while largely confined to less than a half-dozen cities, is testing the Mexican government's security.


Lest we forget …
the moronic behavior of the past President who so seriously harmed our nation, All Hat No Cattle now offers a different notable quotation from George W. Bush each week.

“If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” – Dec. 18, 2000


ShamWow Violence



ShamWow pitchman Vince Shlomi was arrested on felony battery charges in Miami last month following a violent encounter with a hooker, according to The Smoking Gun



I think the proof that there is intelligent life on other planets is the fact they’ve obviously chosen not to contact us. – Will Durst



Subject: Move on you're getting stale



Palin, Bush, and Cheney are old news. When are you going to do some in depth analysis of the government's (AKA: Obama's) takeover of 'everything'?

Interesting article you posted:

"Thousands of military veterans across the South are waiting to find out if they were exposed to infectious diseases by government clinics that performed colonoscopies and other procedures with equipment that wasn't properly sterilized."

The operative words here are 'government clinics". Only the tip of the iceberg of what you'll get when the Government takes over ALL of health care.

Lisa, you need some fresh material if you're wanting some fresh cash to keep you afloat. Obama is loaded with material...give up on the 'old news'.


Stale? Really?

You want AHNC to do in depth analysis of Obama's take-over-of-everything? This is a political comedy site not the NYTimes.

I've done a few dozen toons criticizing these bailouts with no strings attached, in case you haven't noticed.

Palin, Bush and Cheney are very much in the news, in case you haven't noticed.

I especially get angry when our veterans get poor health care, in case you haven't noticed. Oh, you did, you wrote me about it.

Maybe you're tired of all the damage Bush and Cheney did. I want them held fully accountable so no other president can do as much damage to our country and the world again.

Palin just keeps on giving great comedy material!

Fresh material for fresh cash?

What do you think readers?


Email me






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Odd News

To Help You Deflate Photo




Seven babies sit in tummy tubs filled with water to cool down after a baby massage class held for young mothers in IJmuiden March 24, 2009. IJmuiden is a city in the Dutch province of North Holland. The "cooling down" segment is to simulate a womb-like environment for the infants to experience the warmth and comfort.
Photo/United Photos






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