Thursday edition - March 26, 2009
watchdog says billions of US aid wasted in Iraq
Official: Obama's half-brother falls ill in Kenya
Clinton promotes US-Mexican relations in Monterrey
Obama held a big press conference earlier tonight. He’s on TV a lot these days.
The only way Obama could get more TV time is if he had eight babies. - Craig
US military deaths in Iraq war at 4261 The Associated Press
government just offered a $2 million bounty on its top drug lords, which is
different from what we do here in America. We give our biggest criminals
bonuses.- Jimmy Fallon
The military is racing to inspect more than 90,000
U.S.-run facilities across Iraq to reduce a deadly threat troops face far off
the battlefield: electrocution or shock while showering or using appliances.
About one-third of the inspections so far have turned up major electrical problems, according to interviews and an internal military document obtained by The Associated Press.
In Fargo, a race against the river Minneapolis Star Tribune
forget the A.I.G. company. The A.I.G. stands for “ain’t I greedy?” No, they
changed the name of the company today to “A.I.U.” Oh! Okay then. Everything’s
forgiven.” A.I.U. for “ain’t I unethical?” There you are.- Craig Ferguson
Michele Bachmann, a Republican Congresswoman from east-central Minnesota, has some fighting words for President Obama’s energy plans...I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back.
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Voters in Iowa are already receiving phone calls about whether or not they approve of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. They’re instructed to press one for “yes” and two for “you betcha!”- Jimmy Fallon
Nevada Governor Retreats on Unemployment Stimulus Funds New York Times
Key Senator Predicts: No Republican Votes for Obama's Budget AOL News Newsbloggers
Vt.'s GOP governor says he'll veto gay marriage The Associated Press
Schwarzenegger says he's not seeking any office The Associated Press
Playing the God Card
Embattled Republican National Committee Chairman Michael
Steele told CNN Wednesday he'd consider running for president someday, but
stressed he has never given serious thought to a potential White House bid.
Speaking to CNN's Don Lemon, Steele said he may decide to seek the presidency at some point if he determines that's "where God wants me to be."
Hey, congratulations to Japan for winning the World Baseball Classic right here in Dodger Stadium. Yeah, they beat Korea 5-3, which is perfect. You have the Japanese playing the Koreans in a city full of Mexicans to determine who’s best at America’s pastime. I think Lou Dobbs’ head is going to explode when he hears this.- Jay Leno
The George W Bush
Presidential Library is now in the planning stages
and accepting donations The Library will include:
The Hurricane Katrina Room which is still under construction
The Alberto Gonzales Room where you won be able to remember anything
The Texas Air National Guard Room where you don't even have to show up
The Walter Reed Hospital Room where they don't let you in
The Guantanamo Bay Room where they don't let you out
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room which no one has been able to find
The National Debt Room which is huge and has no ceiling
The Tax Cut Room with entry only to the wealthy
The Economy Room which is in the toilet
The Iraq War Room (After you complete your first visit they make you to go back for a second third fourth and sometimes fifth visit)
The Dick Cheney Room in the famous undisclosed location complete with shotgun gallery
The Environmental Conservation Room still empty
The Supreme Court Gift Shop where you can buy an election
The Airport Men's Room where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators
The Decider Room complete
with dart board magic 8-ball Ouija board, dice, coins and straws
Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you
locate and view the President's accomplishments
Hey, you hear about this? Very strange incident at J.F.K. Airport in New York City today. An A.I.G. executive going through security had to empty out all his pockets. You know what fell out? Senator Chris Dodd.- Jay Leno
Drug Testing the Poor?
Want government assistance?
Just say no to drugs.
Lawmakers in at least eight states want recipients of food stamps, unemployment benefits or welfare to submit to random drug testing.
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market rallied yesterday after the Treasury said it was going to help banks sell
off their toxic assets. That's the big problem, banks can't sell toxic assets.
Well, duh. I mean, I'm no economist, but maybe you should stop calling them
toxic assets. Huh? Isn't that like KFC advertising salmonella chicken?"
EFCA: "Third Way?" No Way!
by Richard Wise
country of China is going to be doing a Broadway style play based on Karl Marx's
book on communism. A play based on communism. You know, that's where capitalism
has been replaced by the government taking over control of all private
industries. Or as we call in this country, 'a stimulus package.'"--Jay Leno
Cheney War Crimes: Just Look at the Statute Progressive.org
Obama -- and I think this is a lovely idea -- she's going to put a garden in the
White House, out there where the Rose Garden is. A very nice idea. And she's out
there digging it up. She found three of Dick Cheney's hunting buddies."
Regarding all that violence down in Mexico: can't they all just get "a-bong?"- Grant "Bus" Gerver
Start showing off
Have a nice day... Once you recover.
Sent in by Susan
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To Help You Deflate Photo
Kowalczyk, an intern with the West Michigan Whitecaps, in Comstock Park, Mich.
poses with the latest menu addition at the ballpark. The West Michigan
Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team, will be offering up major league
cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger. The $20 burger
will feature a sesame-seed bun made from a pound of dough, five 1/3-pound beef
patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa
and corn chips.
Photo/The Grand Rapids Press, Rex Larsen