President Obama held a big press conference earlier tonight. He’s on TV a lot these days. The only way Obama could get more TV time is if he had eight babies. - Craig Ferguson
 

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4261 The Associated Press

• Iraqi officials: Car bomb kills 20 in Baghdad AP

• Taliban attack kills 10 Afghan policemen: ministry AFP

• Saudi Arabia: Senior al-Qaida leader surrenders AP

• US death toll in Iraq hits post-invasion low Reuters

• Pakistan hopes for U.S. re-think on missiles Reuters

• HRW: Israel's white phosphorous use indiscriminate AP

• China criticizes new US report on its military AP

• US: North Korea loading rocket on launch pad AP

Mexico’s government just offered a $2 million bounty on its top drug lords, which is different from what we do here in America. We give our biggest criminals bonuses.- Jimmy Fallon
 

The military is racing to inspect more than 90,000 U.S.-run facilities across Iraq to reduce a deadly threat troops face far off the battlefield: electrocution or shock while showering or using appliances.

About one-third of the inspections so far have turned up major electrical problems, according to interviews and an internal military document obtained by The Associated Press.

Disturbing News

• In Fargo, a race against the river Minneapolis Star Tribune

Let’s not forget the A.I.G. company. The A.I.G. stands for “ain’t I greedy?” No, they changed the name of the company today to “A.I.U.” Oh! Okay then. Everything’s forgiven.” A.I.U. for “ain’t I unethical?” There you are.- Craig Ferguson
 

Michele Bachmann, a Republican Congresswoman from east-central Minnesota, has some fighting words for President Obama’s energy plans...I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back.

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Voters in Iowa are already receiving phone calls about whether or not they approve of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. They’re instructed to press one for “yes” and two for “you betcha!”- Jimmy Fallon

Republican-Shenanigans News

• Nevada Governor Retreats on Unemployment Stimulus Funds New York Times

• Key Senator Predicts: No Republican Votes for Obama's Budget AOL News Newsbloggers

• Vt.'s GOP governor says he'll veto gay marriage The Associated Press

• Schwarzenegger says he's not seeking any office The Associated Press

Playing the God Card

Embattled Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele told CNN Wednesday he'd consider running for president someday, but stressed he has never given serious thought to a potential White House bid.

Speaking to CNN's Don Lemon, Steele said he may decide to seek the presidency at some point if he determines that's "where God wants me to be."
 

Hey, congratulations to Japan for winning the World Baseball Classic right here in Dodger Stadium. Yeah, they beat Korea 5-3, which is perfect. You have the Japanese playing the Koreans in a city full of Mexicans to determine who’s best at America’s pastime. I think Lou Dobbs’ head is going to explode when he hears this.- Jay Leno

The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages
and accepting donations The Library will include:

• The Hurricane Katrina Room which is still under construction

• The Alberto Gonzales Room where you won be able to remember anything

• The Texas Air National Guard Room where you don't even have to show up

• The Walter Reed Hospital Room where they don't let you in

• The Guantanamo Bay Room where they don't let you out

• The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room which no one has been able to find

• The National Debt Room which is huge and has no ceiling

• The Tax Cut Room with entry only to the wealthy

• The Economy Room which is in the toilet

• The Iraq War Room (After you complete your first visit they make you to go back for a second third fourth and sometimes fifth visit)

• The Dick Cheney Room in the famous undisclosed location complete with shotgun gallery

• The Environmental Conservation Room still empty

• The Supreme Court Gift Shop where you can buy an election

• The Airport Men's Room where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators

• The Decider Room complete with dart board magic 8-ball Ouija board, dice, coins and straws
  
  
  Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you
  
  locate and view the President's accomplishments

Rock-The-Voter News

• Obama turns to Web to bypass news media AP

• Obama defends strategy of tackling many issues Reuters

Hey, you hear about this? Very strange incident at J.F.K. Airport in New York City today. An A.I.G. executive going through security had to empty out all his pockets. You know what fell out? Senator Chris Dodd.- Jay Leno

Drug Testing the Poor?

Want government assistance? Just say no to drugs.

Lawmakers in at least eight states want recipients of food stamps, unemployment benefits or welfare to submit to random drug testing.
 

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil rises on positive US data, stock gains AP

• Halliburton gets $100 mln Russia pact extension Reuters UK

• 'AJC' to Eliminate 30% of News Staff

• Sources: Extensive regulatory overhaul planned AP

• Feds sue Dish Network over do not call complaints AP

"The market rallied yesterday after the Treasury said it was going to help banks sell off their toxic assets. That's the big problem, banks can't sell toxic assets. Well, duh. I mean, I'm no economist, but maybe you should stop calling them toxic assets. Huh? Isn't that like KFC advertising salmonella chicken?" --Jay Leno
 

EFCA: "Third Way?" No Way!
by Richard Wise

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Guantanamo Bay Detainees Possibly Relocating to Alexandria, Va News Channel 8

"The country of China is going to be doing a Broadway style play based on Karl Marx's book on communism. A play based on communism. You know, that's where capitalism has been replaced by the government taking over control of all private industries. Or as we call in this country, 'a stimulus package.'"--Jay Leno
 

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Cheney War Crimes: Just Look at the Statute Progressive.org

"Michelle Obama -- and I think this is a lovely idea -- she's going to put a garden in the White House, out there where the Rose Garden is. A very nice idea. And she's out there digging it up. She found three of Dick Cheney's hunting buddies." --David Letterman
 

Regarding all that violence down in Mexico: can't they all just get "a-bong?"- Grant "Bus" Gerver

You




Know



it's



Almost Spring




When




The girls


 

Start showing off

Their

Belly buttons!

Have a nice day... Once you recover.
 

Sent in by Susan

Odd News

• Fake Justice accused of performing weddings AP

• Students catch drunk teacher on video

• Man gets 90 days in jail in vacuum sex act case AP

• Priests get jail for stealing from church Reuters

• Needy Seattle area dogs receiving kibble windfall AZ Central

• Teens sue prosecutor over their racy cell-phone pics AZ Central

To Help You Deflate Photo

Josh Kowalczyk, an intern with the West Michigan Whitecaps, in Comstock Park, Mich. poses with the latest menu addition at the ballpark.  The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team, will be offering up major league cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger. The $20 burger will feature a sesame-seed bun made from a pound of dough, five 1/3-pound beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips.
Photo/The Grand Rapids Press, Rex Larsen

Peace.

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