March 18, 2004  Thursday



The Pinocchio presidency
Salon (subscription) - Mar 15, 2004
By Joe Wilson (Ed. note: Wilson is the husband of the outed CIA agent)

A former diplomat says it's time to blow the whistle on the Bush administration's blatant lies....


In The Northwest: GOP attack dogs have hit the campaign trail early
Seattle Post Intelligencer, WA - 3-17-04
In launching his re-election campaign, however, Bush is already blanketing ... glowering pictures of furloughed Massachusetts convict Willie Horton that were ...

Liars Lose in Spain
Hatfield Valley Advocate, MA - 3-18-04
... Aznar had been the staunchest of Bush allies. ... that had brought Spain into the Iraq war (despite overwhelming ... by echoing US/UK lies on WMD immediately blamed ...


The GOP scandal machine has just begun to fight. We have already seen their doctored photos of Fonda and Kerry. I wonder who they are going to try to connect Kerry to next?



"John Kerry said he stands by his claim that certain foreign leaders had told him they hope he wins. And Bush fired back, old W, he said: 'Oh yeah, well certain Supreme Court justices have told me I'm going to win." -Jay Leno




Steve and I think along the same lines!


"They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish prime minister his job. President Bush isn't just losing American jobs, he's branching out into other countries now. He's losing their jobs too now."
-Jay Leno



RUMMY Reams Himself

Great video showing Donald Rumsfeld trying to squirm out of his lies  Kerry should just keep rerunning this excerpt in his ads. Click on link below


"President Bush celebrated St. Patrick's Day by declaring war on Ireland." 
Jay Leno


Hey Lisa...

Wrote this last year (March 13th, I believe)... still pretty damn


I'm still
struggling while
you're still
over that baseline question
low planes and mumbling,
munching "freedom" fries,
homemade apple pie-
Mom and God and Oh, my-my

You're stuttering again
And I'm struggling again
And all the young women and men ship out
to watch
unraveling of lives.
(And some go
to die,
go still. Silenced, subdued)
And still

You're not telling me the truth.
And you never have.
And the way this runs wide, you never will.
Lined up at a press conference,
negotiating the tide
in a dark blue suit, flag-pinned lapel
Employing the cameras and the unfinished "right"
to invade, deploy, intrude and disregard
not only your people but the world at large.

And at the same time North Korea is posturing
Their squawks and shouts
my fear of
The Man in Baghdad.

Is it a lie if you never get caught?
Is it a lie if you admit you were bought?
Is it a lie if you convince Congress?
Is it a lie if you pull the wool over all of us?

But I will still
Roll over
roll over
roll over.

Pass the ketchup, please
I've got my plate clean
and I'm in line
for some good ole patriotic bullshit
still more signs of the times

Just don't forget
to put it on the TV
Put on the TV
heat up the swill
settle in with your dinner -dissent be stilled-
Mr. and Mrs. America, you've gotten your cheese- sit back, relax
and watch the Axis tilt.

See ya!

Thank you Elizabeth. With Bush in office your poem is timely.


"The voters in Spain there have elected a socialist government. The new prime minister, Jose Zapatero immediately lashed out at President Bush, calling the war in Iraq a disaster, calling for all Spanish troops to come home from Iraq immediately. This obviously upset President Bush. Today, he took decisive action. He said, 'From now on, in the United States, Spanish rice will now be known as Freedom rice.'" —Jay Leno




Check this out from the wayback machine, Oct. 19 2000

"Vice President Al Gore warned Thursday that "prosperity itself is on the ballot" in November's election, arguing that his Republican rival would lower the boom on the economic good times of the past few years...

...Governor Bush's plan gambles with our prosperity by bringing back deficits, draining Social Security, delaying debt reduction and fueling higher interest rates," he said."

Bush responds:

"...And he said his tax cut plans were more likely to extend the current boom, contrary to Gore's criticism.

"By providing tax cuts, it will serve as an insurance policy against the economy slowing down," Bush said. "The public should be really worried about someone who is going to overspend if you overcommit the government to new programs, costly bureaucracies."

"That is what is likely to slow down the economy. What is likely to encourage economic growth is to provide tax relief," Bush said. "

There is a wealth of damning evidence available. The Bushies are working hard to make mountains out of Kerry's Senate votes from the past 20 years. Meanwhile a bit of Googling brings a treasure of data to use against Bush.


Bill Sterner


Thanks for writing Bill.  So good to hear from you.  I love that wayback machine!  Thanks for the turn on.



Graphic by BH48



Disturbing News


Mysterious Fax Adds to Intrigue Over Drug Bill
New York Times - 3-18-04
... now, and Ms. Bjorklund still does not know who sent the fax. ... of South Dakota, said he saw a "growing scandal over the Medicare drug bill." Senator Edward M ...


US to Force Airlines to Provide Traveler Data
Reuters, United States -3-18-04

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. government will require reluctant airlines to give up passenger data to test a controversial passenger-screening system, a senior government official said on Wednesday...


Justice Scalia Refuses to Recuse in Cheney Case
Reuters, United States -3-18-04
..."Since I do not believe my impartiality can reasonably be questioned, I do not think it would be proper for me to recuse," he said in a 21-page memorandum released by the nation's high court....


Excerpts From Scalia's Decision

Thu Mar 18,12:07 PM ET - (AP)

Excerpts from Justice Antonin Scalia's decision to remain in the vice president's appeal in an energy case:


House Panel Leaves Door Open for Bush Tax Cuts

Reuters - Wed Mar 17, 8:11 PM ET

A U.S. House panel on Wednesday left the door open for making permanent the tax cuts that are the centerpiece of President Bush's election-year economic plan.

Park Service Cutting Budgets Quietly
Guardian, UK - 3-17-04


New From the Ministry of Homeland Security

Sleep Easy With Our Self-Repeating Bedtime CD

This CD contains various quotes and fun phrases from our glorious Leader... all presented in the company of John Tesh's recording of Onward Christian Soldiers in that great new age Christian Style only he can duplicate...

Pop it In ...Turn it On...and Whisk yourself soundly to sleep...And While you sleep you will be subliminally inculcated with phrases such as these:

"Democrats Hate Jesus"

"Saddam was responsible for 9/11"

"Outsourcing is Good...Jobs at Home Bad"

"Fair Trade equals Protectionism"

"Bush is a Fighter Pilot"

"My Country Right or Wrong"

"God Loves America the Mostest".......
and even more

"Kerry is a Stupid SOB, and Baby Killer"

"Gay People Helped Saddam Cause 9/11"

"Vote Bush...Must Vote Bush"

"Bush/Cheney Because Peace is not an Option"

And Of Course our All-Time Favorite:


There you go America order while supplies last, while you are counting sheep, we will subliminally lead you... bleating all the way to the land of milk and

(c) 2004 Rove Records

Thanks to Matt Mahoney!





This 1999 NASA (NASA to test supersonic drone this month) artist's rendition shows the X-43A hypersonic research aircraft as it would appear in flight. NASA announced plans to launch a supersonic drone later this month designed to fly 6,000 miles (10,000 km) per hour, nearly three times the standing jet airspeed record.(NASA/HO)




Assorted News


McCain Says Kerry Is Not Weak On Defense
Boston, MA - 3-18-04
McCain told NBC he doesn't believe that Kerry is "necessarily weak on defense" -- even though he said they disagree on some issues. ...


Saddam Should Face International Court - Del Ponte

Reuters - Thu Mar 18, 9:56 AM ET

Former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein should face an international court, Chief United Nations war crimes prosecutor Carla del Ponte said Thursday.



Bob Witkowski of is back and as sharp as ever

...Talk Radio still is dominated by the Howlers of Hatred on the Right. I have to laugh at their feigned outrage at the 'hatred' displayed so constantly by those awful Democrats on the Left, especially John Kerry. Oh shucks. It's just terrible….

Click here for more



Republican Shenanigans


Ethics Committee Eyes Bribe Allegation

AP - Wed Mar 17, 7:13 PM ET

The House ethics committee said Wednesday it will begin an investigation to determine whether Rep. Nick Smith, R-Mich., was offered a bribe to vote for a Medicare bill.


Rove: Kerry Has Taste of Bush Campaign

AP - 3-18-04

White House political chief Karl Rove said Wednesday that President Bush had just begun to demonstrate the kind of targeted, multi-front campaign he plans against Democratic rival John Kerry.


U.S. Lawmakers Blame Spain, Battle Over Iraq

Reuters - Thu Mar 18, 3:15 AM ET

U.S. Republicans charged Spain's new government with appeasing terrorists on Wednesday as politicians accused rivals of exploiting the Iraq war for election-year advantage in a bitter House of Representatives debate.



Good News


Anti-War Activists Call for Bush Censure Over Iraq

Reuters - Wed Mar 17, 5:00 PM ET

Military families and anti-war activists urged Congress on Wednesday to censure President Bush for what they called his deception and manipulation of intelligence before the Iraq war.


Dean Focuses Group on Republican Oustings

AP - 3-18-04

One-time Democratic presidential front-runner Howard Dean said Thursday he is focusing his new political organization on dislodging right-wing Republicans from positions of power across Washington and holding both political parties accountable.


Justice Kennedy lauds judges for bucking sentence guides
AZ, United States - 3-18-04
WASHINGTON - Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy praised federal judges who are willing to buck sentencing rules that were enacted for what the moderate ...


Survey: Home Internet Access in U.S. Hits 75 Percent

Reuters -

Nearly three of four people in the United States have Internet access at home, Internet audience measurement service Nielsen/NetRatings said on Thursday




Oil Prices Reach 13-Year High, Posing Threat to US Economy
Los Angeles Times (subscription), CA - 3-18-04


George W Bush couldn't find oil when he owned his own company--but now he is occupying the second largest oilfield on earth and we are paying the highest prices in 13 years.  What is wrong with this picture?


The Ministry of Homeland Security


The 2004 Action Figure Series


"Tight-Lipped " Tom Ridge

This Bad-Ass come complete with Kung-Fu Grip...He's clutching his Security Crayons in one hand and a roll of duct tape in the other...Yellow, Orange, Red, makes no difference to him because he is in a color-coded frenzy and he's gonna whip some evil doer ass.  Jet Pack of Justice sold Separately.


"HelluvaBurden" Dick Cheney

Don't let the suit and tie fool ya kids...He has got a shotgun and him and "Howlin' Blind" Tony Scalia* are gonna rip through some ducks like a chainsaw through a piñata.


John "Cover Those Marble Tits" Ashcroft

Sure he has got a Seven Dollar haircut, but he's got God on his side, and God wants him to closely monitor the affairs of everyone.  He's coming down on naysayers and perverts like a pack of Hyenas on a wounded Gazelle.


George "Shut the Hell Up" Bush

He's got a gram of coke, a case of Bud, and his finger on the button.  This Bring it on Bronco Buster is fed up with the world and lookin' for a fight.  Not only does he have the worlds most potent military power behind him, he has the unique ability to sniff out things that don't exist.

So hurry kids while supplies last !!!!!!!

*  "Howlin Blind Tony Scalia" and "Dick Cheney Double Secret Hiding Place" sold separately.

     Present a share of Halliburton Stock and receive 15% off.

Thanks to Matt Mahoney



Odd News


Man Thought He Was Running Over Bin Laden

Wed Mar 17, 8:15 PM ET

A French artist allegedly traumatized by last week's Spain bombings was convicted of trying to run over a pedestrian he mistook for Osama bin Laden and ordered to pay the man $615.


Taiwan president's nose too small for re-election

Wed Mar 17,10:13 PM ET

President Chen Shui-bian could lose Taiwan's closely fought presidential election this month by a nose.

Britain's 'eternal flame' of peace snuffed out in row over gas bill

Thu Mar 18, 8:07 AM ET

A so-called "eternal flame" erected in Birmingham to promote world peace has been extinguished after little more than three years in a row over who pays the gas bill.


German Jews Attack Vegetarian Ad Campaign

Reuters - Thu Mar 18, 8:19 AM ET

An animal rights group said on Wednesday it would go ahead with a controversial advertising campaign that likens the slaughter of animals to the murder of Jews under the Nazis despite threats of a legal challenge.

Ticking Clock Empties NZ Central Bank Building

Reuters - Thu Mar 18, 8:21 AM ET

A ticking clock given as a gift to a government minister prompted the evacuation of New Zealand's central bank on Thursday.


Mistrial Declared After Juror Drinks Beer


An Ohio County Circuit judge declared a mistrial in a drug case after a juror was seen drinking a beer during a lunch break.

Baby Shakes Loose Battery Worth $100,000


The D'Onofrios keep their telephones out of the reach of 21-month-old Billy, since he likes to push the buttons and make random calls. There's tape over the television controls to keep him from changing the channel.





Subject: Whom We Attack Says Who We Are


Hi Lisa,

I have had your website bookmarked for the longest time, and I've loved
it and laughed about it and enjoyed everything you're doing for the
entire time. I think you are not only smart, but you are sassy, fun and

At least I thought so until I linked via your website to an article from
the Missoulian. It was a hatchet job on Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and it
baffled me how such an article rated any mention whatsoever on your
otherwise fine site. The article was meretricious, specious and
misleading. It was mysogynistic and malevolently maladroit. Frankly, I
was shocked that you'd link to such a scurrilous attack on someone who
has been working on your behalf, conscientiously, for probably about as
long as you've been alive.

Do you remember the Class of '77? That was the high water mark for women
entering American media. Barbara Walters, Judy Woodruff and Karen Hughes
all got their start in media that year. And they got their start for
only one reason. Because of the hard work of the women at NOW to break
down the barriers of male chauvinism and allow young talented women to
have a shot at roles that were formerly reserved for men only.

Of these three, one has turned out particularly badly. Karen Hughes, sad
to say, is a despicable scoundrel as well as being a genius at public
relations. Perhaps you are familiar with Laura Flander's new and
wonderful expose, "The Bush Women: Tales of a Cynical Breed". In the
book Laura describes the mendacity and chicanery that are the hallmarks
of Hughes oeuvre. Hughes represents the worst of Texas womanhood. She's
the lucky recipient of the hard work of the NOW women from the
NorthEast, predominantly. But Hughes loves to bite the hand that fed her
and made her career possible, and now she's gone over completely to the
dark side. Malevolently spewing lies for George Bush's re-selection.

I think you just lost a ton of respect from me. Instead of sniping at
Ruth Bader Ginsburg who is a kind and decent woman working for fairness
and decency in society, your time would be better spent exposing frauds
like Karen Hughes.

You just fell off my favorites list. Can you redeem yourself? :)

All the best,
Raymond D.
Bend, OR

Dear Ray,
Whoa buddy.
I didn't diss Judge Ginsberg. Though I do agree that the opinion piece did wrongly accuse her---in my humble opinion there is no comparison between Scalia's conflict of interest position via Cheney and that Ginsberg advocates a group fighting for women's rights.
I do try to put those kind of opinion pieces in my Disturbing News category but somehow it made it's way to "above the fold"
<Slashing wrists as I type this>
Feel better?
Not to make excuses--but I am AHNC. The only help I receive in producing the site are from the wonderful cartoon contributors and the worldwide readers who send me articles I would never have the time to find for my viewers. I have increased the size of my site greatly in the past few months and believe me, it is a enormous undertaking to do this solo.
Stick around "error" should not deprive you of a little laughter under this regime.

Thanks for writing and excuse me while I try to answer the 750 unopened emails I have.


"I need to put food on my family." -Lisa





Thanks Bill C from Tampa!



Breaking News


Senior al-Qaeda figure surrounded in Pakistan: reports
CBC Manitoba, Canada - 3-18-04
ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN - Ayman al-Zawahri, al-Qaeda's second in command next to Osama bin Laden ... According to the FBI web site, al-Zawahiri is a physician and the ...


US Treasury Notes Decline on Report Bin Laden Aide Surrounded
Bloomberg - 3-18-04
Demand for government debt weakened on optimism that a capture of Ayman al-Zawahiri may diminish the threat of future terrorist attacks. ...





This image taken from the NASA Internet site 28 April, 2000 shows the south polar cap of Mars as it appeared to the Mars Global Surveyor (MGS) Mars Orbiter Camera (MOC) 17 April 2000.(/NASA-HO)