TGIF/Weekend edition - February 20-22, 2009

Washington D.C. has enabled our banks to become legalized thieves and credit card companies to become legalized loan sharks.

And in a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here’s the bad part - the margin of error was five. -Jay Leno

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without George W. Bush

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4,245 AP

• Suicide bomber kills 27, wounds 65 at Pakistan funeral Reuters

• Navy Cross for Sag Harbor Marine slain in Iraq Newsday, NY

• Sources: War tours strain US military readiness The Associated Press

• Iraq PM's allies win control of oil hub Basra Reuters

• Obama should apologize for Iraq war: Tutu AFP

• Kerry, on Mideast trip, handed Hamas letter for Obama AFP

• Israel's Peres: Netanyahu will form new government AP

• Iraq shoe-thrower: Bush was 'smiling that icy smile' San Jose Mercury News

Email

Subject: Birds of a feather flock together

According to ABC News yesterday, one of the main lobbyists for R. Allen Stanford and his Stanford Financial Group is none other than BEN BARNES.
This is the same Ben Barnes, as the then Lieutenant Governor of Texas, that mysteriously brought one George W. Bush in 1968 into the Texas Air National Guard.
This ultimately saved Bush from serious active military service during the Vietnam War and paved the way for his own highly questionable 'business and political' career.
And, look where the country is today!
Mark

I wish they could all be cellmates at the Prison for Toxic Texans.

"President Obama, today, outlined his plan to deal with the mortgage mess and the housing crisis. The good news -- he thinks he's found a solution. The bad news -- it involves arson." --Jay Leno

Legalized Thievery

For hundreds of thousands of workers losing their jobs during the recession, there's a new twist to their financial pain: Even as they're collecting unemployment benefits, they're paying bank fees just to get access to their money.

Disturbing News

• HIV rates soar among gay men in Asia International Herald Tribune

• Medics describe horror of Conn. chimp attack AP

Sarah Palin Will Help!

Millions of wild pigs weighing up to 300 pounds have been tearing up crops, trampling fences and eating just about anything in their path in Texas. But now they had better watch their hairy backs. A state lawmaker is proposing to allow ordinary Texans with rifles and shotguns to shoot the voracious, tusked animals from helicopters.

And in an interview with Fox News, Gov. Sarah Palin’s daughter, 18-year-old Bristol Palin - remember Bristol Palin, who had the baby? Well, she talked in the interview. She said, “A year ago, I never would have thought I would become a mom or that my mom was going to be chosen to be a vice presidential candidate.” Oddly enough, both things happened because some guy failed to take the proper precautions. - Jay Leno

Republican-Shenanigans News

• Jindal vs. Crist: Republican governors at war over Obama stimulus ... Los Angeles Times

• Illinois Republicans push for special election to replace Burris Detroit Free Press

• Judge dismisses charges in GOP phone jamming case The Associated Press

• Republicans worry that Democrats want to bring back Fairness Doctrine Tampabay.com, FL

• Republicans Hail Parts of Bill That Few of Them Supported New York Times

• Hoover investigated rumors that Valenti was gay AP

• Palin heads to villages with Christian group Anchorage Daily News, AK

• Texas judge charged with blocking execution appeal AP

President Obama was in Arizona today, talking about his plan to help ease the home mortgage crisis. It seemed like a strange place to announce his plan, since most of the homes in Arizona are owned by John McCain. - Jimmy Kimmel
 

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavors for Bush

Rock-The-Voter News

• Obama tells Canada he favors free trade AP

• Renegotiating NAFTA on hold, Obama says San Francisco Chronicle

• Stakes are high for US, China during Clinton visit CNN

• First lady thanks Agriculture Department employees AP

• Democrats strike different tone on Katrina AP

Burris' Burrs

Many of the city's most influential black pastors supported Roland Burris' appointment to the U.S. Senate, even though his name had been put forward by then-Gov. Rod Blagojevich. Now that support may be waning.
 

"More bad news for Senator Burris. Now, the Chicago Sun-Times is calling for his resignation. Remember, he was appointed by Governor Blagojevich. Now he could be in trouble for perjury and for giving conflicting statements in his testimony about campaign contributions. See, that's the trouble with politicians. They think the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth are three different things." --Jay Leno

"Critics say the problem is people don't understand what is in the budget. Well, of course, we don't understand. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is explaining this to us. 'Yeah, da budget is here with da money. You see, with da hydrogen and da green people, sometime you take it from here, and you put here, with da solar power!'" --Jay Leno
 

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil prices drop as equities tumble AFP

• Alaska sees $1.25 bln budget gap on oil price drop Reuters

• January rise in consumer prices largest since July AP

• BAE Full-Year Profit Surges 94% on Iraq, Afghan Wars Bloomberg 

• Swiss banks fall after UBS probe Financial Times 

• Mystery of Billionaire Stanford’s Whereabouts Ends in Virginia Bloomberg

• Road to riches ends for 20 million Chinese  CNN

"As you may have heard, the state of California is broke. So you're looking at massive state layoffs now because the legislature hasn't been able to come up with a budget. The state is $42 billion in the hole. You know, I'm no financial expert, but if you have no money and no prospects of making money and you owe $42 billion, you're way beyond putting yourself on a budget, O.K.? I think you're looking at faking your own death at this point." --Jay Leno

Email

Lisa.

Keep up the good work and count on my continuing support.

As for your optimism about Obama's plan, I wish I could share your optimism. Or blame the Repuglicans. May I remind you of Chomsky's notion of Team A and Team B?

Team A is the Republican Party are preferred by the corporate elite, the moneyed interests, the ruling class. Team A and their apologists unabashedly devise clever schemes to transfer our wealth to the rich.

Team B is the Democratic Party. Its people are not as kooky as team A members. They make populist statements about helping the poor and middle class, providing health care for all, ending war and torture, promoting competence, etc. They feel our pain.

When Team A fails through a combination of corruption, incompetence, and war, the corporate interests invest in Team B.

Some evidence for this notion is the amount of money Obama raised during the presidential campaign.

An advantage of Team B is that they can do things Team A cannot. For example, Slick Willy Clinton was able to "reform" our welfare system.

Slick Barry Obama will go after Social Security and other "entitlements". I bet we will soon be hearing about "entitlement reform" or some like phrase, as the wealthy attempt to steal our retirement funds.

So my conclusion (as an old fart soon to be eligible for Social Security) is: avoid the evil of bipartisanship. Be a partisan and fight like hell for our share. You're doing your part.

In solidarity, Seymour

Your email somewhat reflects my top toon today.

The day after George W Bush announced his $700 billion bailout plan, the stock market closed at 121.07 points up or 1.10%, to end the week at 11,143.13

The day after Obama announced his $838 billion bailout plan through Treasury Secretary Geithner the stock market dropped 5%.

I believe Wall Street is afraid of Obama because he is going to attempt to regulate them, something Bush never dreamed of doing. That is why I am optimistic about Obama. I am not optimistic about our financial institutions following Obama's lead. We bailed out the savings and loans in the late 1980s and where did it get us? Right where we are today.

Thanks for writing, Seymour.

His Way Or The Highway

While R. Allen Stanford's investors were swallowing claims of vast returns on safe investments, some of his employees weren't so sure.

And though one of them tried as early as 2003 to pass on to regulators his concerns about the bank, nothing came of it until Stanford's operations were raided and shut down Tuesday.

The Texas billionaire with a reputation for jet-setting and lavish spending faces civil charges for allegedly lying about his investment strategy. But in 2003, when his offshore banking empire was exploding in size, even asking managers one question too many could get you fired, Miami broker Charles Hazlett said.

My, my, my...lookie here Stanford's whereabouts: again a mystery

 "President Obama signed the stimulus bill in Denver, Colorado. He picked Denver because our debt is now a mile high." --Jay Leno

Shouldn't pro-life groups be supporting the octomom and her 14 children? Their silence is deafening. - AHNC viewer, John

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Chinese Muslims stay stranded at Guantánamo Christian Science Monitor, MA

• Obama and Harper skirt Guantanamo detainee issue Reuters 

And The New York Times is reporting that, in his last days in office, Vice President Dick Cheney repeatedly went to President Bush to try to get him to pardon Scooter Libby, and he was furious that Bush wouldn’t do it. They say Cheney is now bitter. Yeah, as opposed to the happy go lucky zippity-do-da Cheney.- Jay Leno

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Dick Cheney has suddenly disappeared from the news. Isn't that great news?

AHNC weekend commentary

What would Jesus do? Oppose abortion, the stimulus bill and gay snipers

There were so many interesting developments on the religious front this week that All Hat No Cattle spiritual adviser and occasional news analyst Bishop I.M. Holey has been working overtime to keep up with them all.

First there was U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s meeting in Rome with Pope Benedict XVI, who told her that Catholic politicians like Pelosi have an obligation to oppose abortion.

Bishop Holey said he was somewhat surprised that the Pope did not use the opportunity to reaffirm that the proper place for women is in the home – preferably barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.

“This also would have been an ideal moment for His Holiness to demonstrate his shared spiritual philosophy with other religions as seemingly diverse as the Taliban, ultra-Orthodox Jews and some fundamentalist, born-again Protestants,” Holey said. “They also recognize that the primary roles of women are child-bearing and obedient service to men.”

Not so surprisingly, the Pope did not engage in any discussion of the Roman Catholic Church’s decades-long efforts to protect pedophile priests or its tolerance of some high-ranking clergy members who espouse anti-Semitic views and deny the extent of Nazi World War II atrocities.

Another Godly politics event this week was the launch of a television ad by a conservative group known as the American Issues Project, which opposes the economic stimulus bill enacted last week over Republican opposition.

“Suppose you spent $1 million every single day starting from the day Jesus was born — and kept spending through today,” the announcer of the commercial intones while a picture of the biblical Three Wise Men is displayed. “A million dollars a day for more than 2,000 years. You would still have spent less money than Congress just did.”

Bishop Holey described the ad as “an effort to remind us that it is God’s will for some of us to be wealthy and some to be poor.”

“Remember what Jesus taught: Give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what it God’s,” Holey said. “In the context of our times, I think it is appropriate for us to think of those making the big bucks as Caesar and the working masses as boot-strappers. Our modern-day Caesars need their tax breaks and loopholes if they are to maintain their lavish lifestyles, and everybody else needs to pull themselves up by their boot straps. And pray – a lot.”

Another Godly ad campaign launched by a conservative group attacks same-sex marriage supporters – by portraying them as aggressors.

The Family Policy Council of West Virginia wants that state’s legislature to amend the state constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman.

So the council has posted a video on its Web site and on YouTube. In the video, the crosshairs of a rifle scope appear across an image of a family. The narrator claims "same-sex marriage is a closer reality in West Virginia than you may think,'' and that its supporters are "working tirelessly to define marriage away from God's design.''

Bishop Holey said he doesn’t understand the controversy over the ad.

“In the good old days, homosexuals might be burned at the stake or stoned,” Holey said. “I don’t know why liberals are complaining about this ad. Most liberals are for gun control, and this ad clearly supports keeping guns out of the hands of gays.”

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