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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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TGIF/Weekend Edition - December 30-31, 2005 to January 1, 2006


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US to spend £30million on Iraq prisons to hold insurgents, United Kingdom - 12-30-05
By Francis Harris in Washington. American forces in Iraq have launched a £30 million programme to expand military prisons after ...

General Changes Position on Rumsfeld Rift
New York Times, United States - 12-30-05
ABOARD A C-32 JET, over the Persian Gulf, Dec. 29 - It was a rare moment last month when Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, publicly contradicted his boss, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld. On Thursday, however, General Pace essentially said never mind.

Policymakers Rise on Rumsfeld's Ladder
Washington Post -
There is a new pecking order at the Pentagon should Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld not be able to perform his duties, one that favors his inner circle and pushes the three service secretaries further down the line of succession.

I wonder how Dick Cheney's heart beat ended up in Bush's polygraph?

I can't even look at a "bush" in my backyard without puking.—Grant Gerver

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

The 25 Dumbest Media Quotes of 2005

From Daniel Kurtzman

10) "Last night, we showed you the full force of a superpower government going to the rescue." --MSNBC's Chris Matthews, on Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, with a completely straight face, Sept. 1, 2005

5) "I just wished Katrina had only hit the United Nations building, nothing else, just had flooded them out, and I wouldn't have rescued them." --FOX News' Bill O'Reilly Political Comedy Awards

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Disturbing News

Women got CRAZY this year. Consider some of the more disturbing stories from 2005, and look at the names connected with them: Martha Stewart. Judith Miller. Valerie Plame. Jennifer ``Runaway Bride'' Wilbanks. Paris Hilton. Greta ``All Natalee Holloway, All the Time'' Van Susteren. Harriet Miers. Katrina. Rita. Wilma. Michael Jackson. – Dave Barry, humor columnist

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Easy listening in uneasy times

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Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

The Washington couple at the heart of the CIA leak investigation had their cover blown by their small son as they tried to sneak away on vacation on Thursday.

"My daddy's famous, my mommy's a secret spy," declared the 5-year-old of his parents, former diplomat Joe Wilson and retired CIA operative Valerie Plame.

Republican Shenanigans

"You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden." --Jon Stewart

Donald Trump doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke and you can land a 747 on his hair

Could New York's state capitol building become the next Trump Tower?

Republican sources said The Donald - who in 1999 toyed with the idea of running for the White House on the Reform Party line - is mulling a bid to persuade New Yorkers to hire him as their next governor.

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Rock-The-Voter News

"He's like the Peanuts character Pigpen. Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess, it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton."Bill Maher, on President Bush

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Good News

2005 Compassionate Conservative Quotes

"If Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead.'" –FOX News Channel's Bill O'Reilly, after San Francisco voted to ban military recruiters from city schools, Nov. 8, 2005

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war." --Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, Aug. 22, 2005

"I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." --Bill Bennett, former Education Secretary and author of "The Book of Virtues," Sept. 28, 2005

"If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god… Anything specific I need to do or tweak? Do you know of anyone who dog-sits? … Can I quit now? Can I come home? … I'm trapped now, please rescue me." --Ex-FEMA Director Michael Brown, in various emails to colleagues and friends in the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina

Biz/Tech News

"Usually the way it works is people prostitute themselves after they become reporters." --Gay male prostitute-turned White House correspondent Jeff Gannon

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Mine eyes have seen the bungling of that stumbling moron Bush;
he has blathered all the drivel that the neocons can push;
he has lost sight of all reason 'cause his head is up his tush;
The Doofus marches on.
I have heard him butcher syntax like a kindergarten fool;
There is warranted suspicion that he never went to school;
Should we fault him for the policies - or is he just their tool?
The lies keep piling on.
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
His wreckage will live on.
I have seen him cut the taxes of the billionaires' lone heir;
As he spends another zillion on an aircraft carrier;
Let the smokestacks keep polluting - do we really need clean air?
The surplus is now gone.
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'l l Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Your safety net is gone!
Now he's got a mighty hankerin' to bomb a prostrate state;
Though the whole world knows its crazy - and the U.N. says to wait;
When he doesn't have the evidence, "We must prevaricate."
Diplomacy is done!
Oh, a trumped-up war is excellent; we have no moral bounds;
Should the reasons be disputed, we'll just make up other grounds;
Enraging several billions - to his brainlessness redounds;
The Doofus marches on!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
The Doofus marches on!

Bush-Prison-Torture News

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue: home of the White LIE House. —Grant Gerver

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Go-F***-Yourself News

Intelligent design: when your agenda eclipses your faith.-- Zing!

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 Odd News



The GK-1 lie detector, a prototype of which is in use at a Russian airport, is made by an Israeli company, Nemesysco . A new walk-through airport lie detector made by Nemesysco may prove to be the toughest challenge yet for potential hijackers or drug smugglers. Photo by Nemesysco



Happy New Year Everyone!








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