Thursday -- December 16, 2004






Bush Planning Inaugural Bash Despite War

AP, 12-15-04

At the height of World War II in 1945, Franklin D. Roosevelt opted for a low-key inauguration to mark the start of his fourth term, with a simple swearing-in ceremony, a brief speech from the South Portico of the White House to a small crowd and a modest luncheon...

Ex-military lawyers will oppose Gonzales

WASHINGTON -- Several former high-ranking military lawyers say they are discussing ways to oppose President Bush's nomination of Alberto Gonzales to be attorney general, asserting that Gonzales' supervision of legal memorandums that appeared to sanction harsh treatment of detainees, even torture, showed unsound legal judgment.

Lott: Replace defense chief
Biloxi Sun Herald, Miss., 12-16-04
BILOXI -- U.S. Sen. Trent Lott doesn't believe Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld should resign immediately, but ...

An inauguration bash during war time sure does bring honor and dignity back to the White House.

"The Army gives free breast implants to our female soldiers. We don't have enough armor for our troops, but we can give them breast implants. I say we make the implants out of kevlar so then they can be out on the front lines" -- Jay Leno

Graphic By Ken

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

"People see the figure of 1,200 dead. Much more rarely do they see the number of seriously wounded. And almost never do they hear anything at all about the psychiatric casualties." -- DR. EVAN KANTER, a psychiatrist at a veterans' hospital in Seattle.

"'His Hair is No Longer Gray.' ... Good one, huh?" -- President Bush to People magazine, on what he hopes the headline will be a year from now

Disturbing News

"The trade deficit swelled to an all time high of $55.5 billion. Do you know what our number one export is now? National Guard troops."
-- Jay Leno

Republican Shenanigans

"What you have today is business on one side, and you've got the trial lawyers on the other side. ... You've got deep pockets colliding with shallow principles." -- Robert Nardelli, the chief executive at Home Depot, said to laughter from the audience and President Bush

Rock-The-Voter News

"The Bernard Kerik scandal is getting worse and worse. Since Kerik withdrew from his Homeland Security Director nomination, it has been revealed that he has had a secret marriage, two mistresses and worked for a Mafia-related company. As a result Kerik has been given a role on 'Desperate House Wives.' " -- Conan O'Brien

Corruption, lying, torture, spin and bullsh*t are the orders of the day. Day after day. Headline after headline. News anchor after news anchor.

Yet “The American People” are content to stand by helplessly without a murmur of protest as their country becomes as despised worldwide as any since 1939-45.


Good News

“To make these awards in the face of failure -- the mounting American death toll, the awful suffering of the Iraqis, the looming possibility of civil war, the nose-thumbing of the still-at-large Osama bin Laden and the madness of making war for a nonexistent reason -- has the creepy feel of the old communist states, where incompetents wore medals and harsh facts were denied.” – Richard Cohen, Washington Post Columnist

Biz-Tech News

On this day, in 1773, the Boston Tea Party took place as American colonists boarded a British ship and dumped more than 300 chests of tea overboard to protest tea taxes.

Bush-Prison-Torture News

"This guy in office is an uneducated, real lying schmuck . . . and we still couldn't beat him with a bore like Kerry." – Chevy Chase

Graphic By Patricia Gerber -- San Francisco

Go-F***-Yourself News

2004 Political Dot-Comedy Awards

Click here if you haven't voted yet

AllHatNoCattle was nominated for the Best Bush Humor Category!


The 23rd Sigh

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.

He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.

He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.

He restoreth my fears.

He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's

Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find
no exit, for thou art in office.

Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.

Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the presence of thy religion.

Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.

My health insurance runneth out.

Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of
thy term,

And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.




“They say young single men in Japan are now buying a new kind of pillow that comes in the shape of a woman's legs because it reminds them of lying in their mother's lap when they were younger. I believe the name of this product is 'You're Creeping Me Out.' " – Jay Leno

Odd News

Rusty Keaulana of Hawaii rides a large wave in the first heat of the Eddie Aikau Invitational on Waimea Bay in Hawaii on Dec. 15, 2004. ' The Eddie' is a one-day event held when waves are 30 feet or higher. (Photo/Ronen Zilberman)