I bet when you go to Dick Cheney’s house trick-or-treating, he is one of those guys that tells you you are going to have to spend the night because the bridge is out. - David Letterman

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4354‎

• US military deaths in Afghanistan region at 831‎

• Suicide bomber kills 34 outside Pakistan hotel

• Police: Bicycle bomb kills 5 in southern Iraq

• Challenger's pullout leaves Afghan government of dubious legitimacy

• Karzai declared president of Afghanistan

• Kirkuk at the heart of Iraq election law deadlock

• New papers detail FBI, CIA wrangle over detainees

Disturbing News

• Boat sinks off Australia with 39 on board

• Typhoon Mirinae lashes Philippines

• Snow cap disappearing from Mount Kilimanjaro

After months of the debate, finally a health-care reform bill now exists. The bill’s official title’s actually HR-3692. 3692, of course, stands for the year they expect the bill to pass.- Jimmy Fallon
 

America: The Land Of the Free Food Stamps

Nearly half of all U.S. children and 90 percent of black youngsters will be on food stamps at some point during childhood, and fallout from the current recession could push those numbers even higher, researchers say...Also, other researchers have estimated that slightly more than half of adults will use food stamps at some point by age 65.

Republican-Shenanigans News

• GOP senators talk of boycotting climate bill

• FACT CHECK: GOP math suspect in stimulus debate

• Limbaugh says Obama 'in over his head'

• Rush Limbaugh to Fox News: Sarah Palin fit to be president Orlando Sentinel

• Rush Limbaugh: NFL never allowed serious consideration of his candidacy USA Today

• Conservatives take aim at leaders, Crist, other races

• How the GOP loses women

That is the name of Sarah Palin's book, “Going Rogue.” And she got a million dollars for that and she is work on the sequel, “Going Shopping.” - David Letterman

Guess Who's Sponsoring the US Speedskating Team?

Of the many countries participating at the Vancouver Olympics, add Colbert Nation to the list.

On Monday's "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert announced his show has become the primary sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
 

Rock-The-Voter News

• What's at stake in Tuesday's elections

• Senate, White House agree on reporter protections

Condi Rice Beats Sarah Palin

More Await Condoleezza Rice's Book than George W. Bush's or Sarah Palin's; Dick Cheney's Garners the Least Interest

But just — a word of advice now to Oprah Winfrey, be prepared. Don’t underestimate her. Remember how Palin schooled Katie Couric, remember that? - David Letterman

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil hovers near $78 amid positive US economic data

• Audit: KBR must trim Iraq work force or face fines

• It may be BYOB as fewer firms plan holiday parties

• Internet believers: Pastors open online churches

CNN’s Lou Dobbs recently had to call the police because someone fired shots at his home. Dobbs said he didn’t see or hear the shooter, but described him as Hispanic.- Conan O'Brien

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• US Supreme Court refuses to hear Guantanamo case  AFP

• Guantanamo detainees begin life in Palau  The Associated Press

• Six more released from Guantanamo Bay, but 215 remain as Obama deadline approaches  Washington Post

Magician David Copperfield was granted a six-month delay in a sexual assault lawsuit filed against him by Miss Washington. If he’s convicted, will it really do any good to lock him up? - Laugh Lines

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Did you know that Cheney and Creepy have the same amount of letters and both begin with the letter C?

Do people still bob for apples? Anybody bob for apples for God’s sakes? Bobbing for apples or as Dick Cheney calls it, apple boarding.- David Letterman