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Tuesday --
November 23, 2004 |
I wonder if W
will make another secret trip to Iraq this Thanksgiving?
"Bottles of
Viagra will soon carry tiny built in radio transmitters to help stop
counterfeiting. A radio transmitter in the bottle... The only side effect is
that when you get really excited, the garage door goes up." – Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
Exposing
the ugly truth about the Republican Party's diabolical plot to replace
constitutional democracy with an oligarchic fascist theocracy...
It's the only rational
explanation! --
www.evilgopbastards.com
Bush Meets Arnold
Disturbing News
E-mail
Subject: Bush "rescues"
secret service agent.
I doubt it, more like a child clinging to a security blanket.
Richard
Who corrects
the correctors? On October 25, a front-page story in The Wall Street Journal had
this sentence: "He (President Bush) gave a rare interview over the weekend to
Fox News, a network sympathetic to Mr. Bush and popular with Republicans." On
October 26, the Journal in its correction column wrote: "News Corp's Fox News
was incorrectly described in a page-one article as being sympathetic to the Bush
cause." –
Mark
Shields, CNN
"They wave and salute --
then they bomb you." --
Marine Sgt. Alexander Munoz, referring to the Muslim holy warriors who
booby-trap roads and fire into U.S. bases from nearby hamlets.
Republican Shenanigans
"It is a rare day when
members of the United States Congress try to read the minds of the members of a
grand jury in Travis County, Tex. Apparently Tom DeLay's colleagues expect him
to be indicted.
Last week
Congressional Republicans voted to change their rule that required an indicted
leader to relinquish his post. They were responding to an investigation by the
Travis County grand jury into political contributions by corporations that has
already resulted in the indictments of three associates of Mr. DeLay, the House
majority leader." --
Ronnie Earle is the district attorney for Travis County, Texas
Rock-The-Voter News
Congress Makes Way for Hi-Tech Workers
AP -
11-22-04
Congress is
letting employers hire another 20,000 foreign high-tech workers under a special
visa program after businesses reached the annual ceiling on the first day of the
government's fiscal year.
Good
News
"In an effort to cut costs,
Kmart merged with Sears -- and Wal-Mart is merging with Mexico." – Jay Leno
Biz-Tech News
"With the
professional hockey strike threatening cancellation of the entire season, that
leaves us with polo as the only sport with virtually all-white superstars. "--Mark
Shields, CNN
Ordering Pizza
in 2006
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number. Yeah, hold on, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and
the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is
745-2302, and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is
sheehan@home.net.
Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add
only 15 seconds to your ordering time".
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've
got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National
Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "What? What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your
2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets
here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn
also."
Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the ash ready. How long
will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir.
If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the
cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a 'cycle?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got
repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday."
Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4,
2004 conviction for cussing out a cop, and another one I see here in September
for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that
you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this
your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to Diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you
for calling Pizza Hut!"
[Maybe we shouldn't be laughing.]
Odd
News
This May 2003
image released by the Census of Marine Life shows three Sunflower sea stars,
Pycnopodia helianthoides, photographed in Prince William Sound, Alaska. A huge
international collaboration involving hundreds of scientists has plunged into
the deep, literally, revealing thousands of previously unknown marine species
lurking in the shadowy depths and currents of the world's oceans.(Census of
Marine Life)
Peace.
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