Tuesday -- November 23, 2004

www.unfairlybalanced.com  

 

 

Bush Cuts Off News Conference in Colombia

AP - 11-23-04

President Bush's distaste for news conferences isn't limited to his own backyard.

 

 




 

Justice Dept. Defends Civil Rights Record

AP - 11-23-04

The Justice Department on Monday defended its record of prosecuting criminal civil rights cases after an independent study concluded the number of prosecutions had dropped significantly under President Bush.

Conservative Republican group urges UN's expulsion from US

AFP - 11-23-04

A right-wing Republican group launched a television campaign calling for the United Nations to be kicked out of the United States, alleging the world body...

I wonder if W will make another secret trip to Iraq this Thanksgiving?

"Bottles of Viagra will soon carry tiny built in radio transmitters to help stop counterfeiting. A radio transmitter in the bottle... The only side effect is that when you get really excited, the garage door goes up." – Jay Leno

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

 Exposing the ugly truth about the Republican Party's diabolical plot to replace constitutional democracy with an oligarchic fascist theocracy... 

It's the only rational explanation! -- www.evilgopbastards.com

Bush Meets Arnold

Disturbing News

E-mail

Subject: Bush "rescues" secret service agent.


I doubt it, more like a child clinging to a security blanket.


Richard
 

Who corrects the correctors? On October 25, a front-page story in The Wall Street Journal had this sentence: "He (President Bush) gave a rare interview over the weekend to Fox News, a network sympathetic to Mr. Bush and popular with Republicans." On October 26, the Journal in its correction column wrote: "News Corp's Fox News was incorrectly described in a page-one article as being sympathetic to the Bush cause." – Mark Shields, CNN

"They wave and salute -- then they bomb you." -- Marine Sgt. Alexander Munoz, referring to the Muslim holy warriors who booby-trap roads and fire into U.S. bases from nearby hamlets.

Republican Shenanigans

"It is a rare day when members of the United States Congress try to read the minds of the members of a grand jury in Travis County, Tex. Apparently Tom DeLay's colleagues expect him to be indicted.

Last week Congressional Republicans voted to change their rule that required an indicted leader to relinquish his post. They were responding to an investigation by the Travis County grand jury into political contributions by corporations that has already resulted in the indictments of three associates of Mr. DeLay, the House majority leader." -- Ronnie Earle is the district attorney for Travis County, Texas

Rock-The-Voter News

Congress Makes Way for Hi-Tech Workers  AP - 11-22-04

Congress is letting employers hire another 20,000 foreign high-tech workers under a special visa program after businesses reached the annual ceiling on the first day of the government's fiscal year.

Good News

"In an effort to cut costs, Kmart merged with Sears -- and Wal-Mart is merging with Mexico." – Jay Leno

Biz-Tech News

"With the professional hockey strike threatening cancellation of the entire season, that leaves us with polo as the only sport with virtually all-white superstars. "--Mark Shields, CNN

Ordering Pizza in 2006

 Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.  May I have your national ID number?"

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."

Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number.  Yeah, hold on, it's 6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366.  Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302, and your cell number's 266-2566.  Email address is sheehan@home.net.  Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
 
Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"

Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time".
Customer: (Sighs)  "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol.  Your National    Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "What? What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza.  I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir.  That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.  Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir.  Your checking account's overdrawn also."
Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas.  I'll have the ash ready.  How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a  motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a 'cycle?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed.  But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday."
Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir.  You've already got a July 4, 2004 conviction for cussing out a cop, and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge."  "Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility.  Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to Diabetics.  The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"

[Maybe we shouldn't be laughing.]

Odd News

This May 2003 image released by the Census of Marine Life shows three Sunflower sea stars, Pycnopodia helianthoides, photographed in Prince William Sound, Alaska. A huge international collaboration involving hundreds of scientists has plunged into the deep, literally, revealing thousands of previously unknown marine species lurking in the shadowy depths and currents of the world's oceans.(Census of Marine Life)

Peace.